SonomaGal

Chronic lurker, first time poster. I don't know you guys, but you've each really helped keep me sober!

So, wow, today marks 7 consecutive months with zero drinking!!!! I honestly can't believe it. I want to celebrate this and I am truly glad, but I need to vent and get some feedback (hopefully) because the last month has definitely stood out for its suck factor. Blah, meh, sniffle: PAWS!!

All of the last month I experienced one or the all of the following symptoms: ungrounded, irritated, rigid, foggy-headed, sleepless, sad, unmotivated... Honestly I am not used to dealing with all this, and it's past 1 am here (wide awake again). I've had A LOT of time to think about things (free time and self reflection is definitely one benefit of sobriety) and it's becoming clear I'm struggling to create and sustain peace of mind about the past, present and/or future. Simple right? I've also become quite aware of the PAWS enhancing effects for circular thinking, isolating tendencies, insecurities, desire for escapism, and other maladaptive coping mechanisms.

Truthfully, I feel like I'm hitting a place of sobriety weariness. I'm neither here nor there; I'm not a drinker, but I'm still not entirely used to a life with no drinking. And worse, lately I'm starting to catch myself thinking about drinking again. Thinking that it's this rigid sobriety that's making me feel bad rather then better. This is an entirely new thing as I've been gung-ho about getting and staying sober.

However, I'm hanging on here. By more then a thread I should add, because no matter how bad this is, I can't give in to the thing that caused me all these problems in the first place. I have to reach a place of equilibrium before I can say what all this is or will be. And if that takes more time than I'd like so be it! It does seem that once I invited the beast in, he clearly wasn't (isnt?) going to leave quietly.

Somewhere deep down I know that I'm healing, that maybe psyche and brain is dredging up stuff so I can look at it clearly and figure out how to use it or let it go. Long post I know, sorry and thanks for reading! My question for those who read all the way to the bottom: Do any of you feel the same way? Am I on track, is it going to get better in a day, week, month, year? How was your 6, 7, 8, 9 month timeframe, how about the first year?

Thank you!!!!

SunnyMe

First, congratulations, SonomaGal! What a wonderful achievement!

I had ups and downs pretty severely until I had a year (which took me a bit longer than a year, haha). After that things evened out. I was able to cope better, particularly when I was working the steps.

Be good to you. You haven't had a drink today, so you're definitely on the right track.

PurpleKnight

Fantastic!! Great Job on 7 Months!!

heath480

Welcome to SR and congratulations on 7months.

soberclover

Congratulations! I found at this amount of time a continuing journey of a lot of "first times" doing events or activities not drinking. Like you said, you are beginning to be used to being a non-drinker. This for me was when the rubber really hit the road. It's a time to define and figure out who you really are and what significant things you want to do with your life. I don't want to be addicted to anything. Always continue to learn more about your addiction and it's recovery.

applecake

Congratulations, SonomaGal, on 7 months! That's fantastic!

GracieLou

Congrats! 7 months is awesome

Sounds like it is time for action. If you attend AA get active, if not then get busy with something. I know when I am not busy my mind spins. Volunteer for something.

Keep the hands busy!

SonomaGal

Thanks guys! I think writing this and getting feedback must have really helped because I woke up feeling a truly deep gratefulness for sobriety! I drank an n/a beer last night (only done this less than a handful of times), saw it empty on the table today, and marveled that even with very little sleep, I feel pretty darn good. This would NOT be the case if I drank real beer.

I remembered how much I love, love, love the physical benefits of sobriety, even if I feel unsure emotionally!! This is why I quit, alcohol is toxic, dumbing, poison. So I will continue to wait for, and work towards, the life that I know sobriety offers, breathe through the not so great times, and crush the ridiculous thoughts that I'd feel better if I was drinking. These thoughts are FALSE, and clearly I'm still learning to identify all the different tactics of my scheming addictive voice. I appreciate your welcome, and words of advice! I plan to keep posting, and commenting, as I think it's time to get more active with my recovery, and I definitely don't want to only reach out when things are tough. In closing, my message is: it's worth it, even if it's hard, it's ok. My drinking was going nowhere but down, and I have broken that pattern! I'm heading up, and it's going to take work and focus. That's scary but it's exciting. Growth is good!

Firefall

Now perhaps it is time to find your passion. Things you do that make you happy.
Gracie Lou had some good examples. Giving back is always fulfilling. Think about what you dreamed of before drinking took over. How has your growth changed your dreams? Follow them. This is what sober life is about, living life to the fullest.
CONGRATS!!!!

Stoogy

Hi, welcome and more importantly congratulations on 7 great months of sobriety, truly that's brill.
Paws is a tough one and I too suffer from days of foggy head etc, I'm just behind you at almost 6 months, but I just figure I didn't really know what it was like not to have alcohol in my system so I can't even compare real life to my previous life of drinking, maybe that's just life in general especially asim not 21 anymore.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Congrats again.

Bostonsportsfan

Congrats on 7 months! Keep up the good work!

Mags1

Hi SonomaGal, congratulations on 7 months.

I'm going through a lot of different emotions whilst living life sober. Nothing for me to lean on any more I have to stand up and be counted. Which is good as I'm finding myself.

gettingbetter64

Congratulations on 7 months! That's amazing

Dee74

Congratulations on 7 months SonomaGirl
I found support really helped get me through some of those 'dead' patches.

Why not try and post here a little more?

D

huntingtontx

Congratulations on seven months. I am glad you have joined us.

least

Congrats on seven months sober.

happyandfree

Congratulations on 7 months.i hope that your post gave you some clarity. Posting and sharing is such a good way to sort out feelings. I think I'll do it more too.

Brian316

Congratulations! I am 7 months as well. AA and conscious contact with my higher power have made it possible for me. I do deal with some of those same symptoms but I am grateful that I am learning to turn some stuff over and find a new way of life.

SonomaGal

Hi Brian!

You're my sober twin, which makes me feel proud for us both! How's it going for you

Brian316

Things are pretty good most of the time. AA and a good sponsor have helped me a lot. Some ups and downs but I am really grateful to be sober today.