Learning more and more about myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
Posts: 133
Learning more and more about myself
It has been 52 days now since my last drink.
I feel so much pressure from my grown kids to stay sober. I had a talk with my 22 year old twins yesterday. They are happy to have me back. It was very hard for them, because my out of control drinking was during their teen years. I told them that I was so sorry that they had to live with a drunken Mom. I told them that I cannot change the past. Susie said that I can make it up to them by staying sober, and available to talk to her (and siblings) when she needs to talk. I told them both about Al anon, and they seemed interested in joining.
My other twin, Sarah, said that she has been seeing a therapist. I am glad she has someone to talk to about her issues.
I did tell them that I am human, and I will still make mistakes. They both love me, and I hope time will heal the hurt I have caused them.
I have been praying everyday that I could get my husband to understand that he needs help with alcohol,too.
He has been in detox since Friday. He will get out today. Again, I feel pressure since I am still in my early recovery, and now he is trying recovery. I told him we were fun drinking partners, but I want us to be sucessful sober partners. Time will tell.
Maybe someone else has a similar story? Thanks
I feel so much pressure from my grown kids to stay sober. I had a talk with my 22 year old twins yesterday. They are happy to have me back. It was very hard for them, because my out of control drinking was during their teen years. I told them that I was so sorry that they had to live with a drunken Mom. I told them that I cannot change the past. Susie said that I can make it up to them by staying sober, and available to talk to her (and siblings) when she needs to talk. I told them both about Al anon, and they seemed interested in joining.
My other twin, Sarah, said that she has been seeing a therapist. I am glad she has someone to talk to about her issues.
I did tell them that I am human, and I will still make mistakes. They both love me, and I hope time will heal the hurt I have caused them.
I have been praying everyday that I could get my husband to understand that he needs help with alcohol,too.
He has been in detox since Friday. He will get out today. Again, I feel pressure since I am still in my early recovery, and now he is trying recovery. I told him we were fun drinking partners, but I want us to be sucessful sober partners. Time will tell.
Maybe someone else has a similar story? Thanks
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 383
I would keep it simple AZ. There's a lot of change going on in your life right now, and knowing the things you can control and the things you can't may help. You can control: How you treat your children today, how you treat your husband today, or what you are doing to maintain your recovery (going to meetings, seeing a therapist etc) - these are all things you can control that will directly affect your mood and your sobriety in a good way if you choose to work them that way.
It sounds like you are stressing most (which is normal by the way) over the things you can't control - namely what your daughters think of you from your past, how long you can stay sober, and if your husband will stay sober. Try your best to let those concerns about things you can't control go.
As alcoholics we have a tendency to want to over-control our lives to the point that we choose drugs over dealing with problems because at least we know how it feels to be high/drunk, and we figure that's better than the uncertainty and fear involved with coping in life. I guess that might be fine if the drug didn't kill and we didn't make a mess of our relationships and destroy our lives, so that's not really a great plan for a happier life. Practicing letting go of things we can't control gets us in a new frame of mind, but we have to practice it. When we get in the habit of accepting that some things in life are just plain hard, we learn by facing them sober again and again that we can grow just a little more every time. It just takes patience, and the job is pretty big, so that's why you hear "a day at a time" a lot in recovery. Just get your butt to bed sober tonight, keep seeking help to maintain your recovery and pray for or think about the power to "accept the things you can't control." Good work on your 52 days!
It sounds like you are stressing most (which is normal by the way) over the things you can't control - namely what your daughters think of you from your past, how long you can stay sober, and if your husband will stay sober. Try your best to let those concerns about things you can't control go.
As alcoholics we have a tendency to want to over-control our lives to the point that we choose drugs over dealing with problems because at least we know how it feels to be high/drunk, and we figure that's better than the uncertainty and fear involved with coping in life. I guess that might be fine if the drug didn't kill and we didn't make a mess of our relationships and destroy our lives, so that's not really a great plan for a happier life. Practicing letting go of things we can't control gets us in a new frame of mind, but we have to practice it. When we get in the habit of accepting that some things in life are just plain hard, we learn by facing them sober again and again that we can grow just a little more every time. It just takes patience, and the job is pretty big, so that's why you hear "a day at a time" a lot in recovery. Just get your butt to bed sober tonight, keep seeking help to maintain your recovery and pray for or think about the power to "accept the things you can't control." Good work on your 52 days!
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Well done on your 52 days AZ - we know what hard work it was to get there.
I'm glad your husband sought help to detox. I hope this is the beginning of a new life for you both. I'm sorry for the pain your drinking caused you & your family. I can relate - my husband and I had many fun years drinking, but alcohol killed him - and I'm 6+ yrs. sober. Neither of us ever considered stopping all together - it seemed an impossible goal. Here's hoping you'll have the happy ending you're dreaming of - I know it can be done!
I'm glad your husband sought help to detox. I hope this is the beginning of a new life for you both. I'm sorry for the pain your drinking caused you & your family. I can relate - my husband and I had many fun years drinking, but alcohol killed him - and I'm 6+ yrs. sober. Neither of us ever considered stopping all together - it seemed an impossible goal. Here's hoping you'll have the happy ending you're dreaming of - I know it can be done!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: VIC, Australia
Posts: 146
AZliving congrats on your clean time.
I too have children in their 20's who have said a few times about my staying clean and sober etc etc. I said to them I can't change anything I have done and I can't predict the future, but I will be clean and sober when I go to bed tonight and I will pray I can do it again tomorrow.
I too have children in their 20's who have said a few times about my staying clean and sober etc etc. I said to them I can't change anything I have done and I can't predict the future, but I will be clean and sober when I go to bed tonight and I will pray I can do it again tomorrow.
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