Connie11

Hi all:
My husband has been recovering from alcoholism for the past 5 months. He goes to 4-5 AA meetings per week and I go to 2-3 Alanon meetings. He is very involved in his recovery program. I attended an open AA with him when he went to his first AA meeting. Today I asked him if he would like to attend an open Alanon meeting with me so that he could see what I am experiencing. He said at first that he would feel like "everyone is looking at the alcoholic" I explained that we only introduce ourselves by saying our first name. He said he would think about it and also ask him sponsor and his counselor. I am feeling upset that he is not as interested in my recovery as I have been in his. So much of our energy and attention went to him when he was drinking and now him while he is recovering. Was I wrong to ask him to go to one Alanon?:

readerbaby71

I don't think you were wrong to ask, but if he doesn't feel comfortable going he has the right to say no. It doesn't seem to be a matter of him not being interested in your recovery. He doesn't feel comfortable going. He's setting a boundary and saying no (for now). That doesn't mean he won't feel different in the future. I'd let it go and give him some time.

Good luck to you and your husband.

Gottalife

I think it was fine for you to ask him. If you made it known that it would really help you if he could understand what you are doing, then I am surprised that he was reluctant.

If I was his sponsor, I would ask him if he thought your request was an opportunity for him to begin or continue making his amends to you. Amends is more than saying sorry. It's about taking action to put things right, and with family, it is very much an ongoing process.
To spend an hour with you at an Alanon meeting is not asking a lot.

If it makes him uncomfortable, tough. Our program tells is we must be hard on ourselves but always considerate of others.

In asking, you gave him an opportunity to take his recovery forward. You were certainly not wrong to ask.