jacrazz

I'm asking from the "enabler" point of view...Do you harbor resentment towards your enabler for keeping you in your addiction and were you thankful to them when they did actually stop? I sense some sort of resentment from my A because I should have said "no" more often....makes me kind of angry!!!
:

Dee74

I don't know your story jacrazz but my recovery was my responsibility - it had to be.

If I'd relied on someone else to get me sober I'd still be drinking.

Has your husband stopped drinking?

D

jacrazz

He is my xbf and he has been to rehab twice in one year and still actively drinking. I did read somewhere else that some folks did admit to saying things like "why didn't you stop me!?"

Dee74

If he's your ex I wouldn't waste any more time on it.

It was never your responsibility to keep him sober, regardless of what he thinks or says

D

DayTrader

2 quick questions before I reply:

1. Is he in AA? I ask because that's commonly where talk of resentment comes up.
2. Are you in alanon?

jacrazz

No and no, are those the only two recovery methods where that topic comes up? There are more ways to recover, no?

Johnston

There are as many ways to recover as there are people who suffer from addiction. Do what's right for you.

GracieLou

This!

The alcoholic has to blame someone other than themselves. Until they embrace recovery they will not look in the mirror. I know I had an excuse for everything and if that meant blaming others then that is what I did.

My mother used to call me an alcoholic and then buy me booze for Christmas and my birthday. It is her fault I am an alcoholic? No.

She may have enabled but that was not the cause of my drinking and had no baring on me admitting my part, I drank it and I was happy that I didn't spend my own money!

Do not let him twist it to be your blame. That is what we do.

Let it go and move on with your life.

jacrazz

Thanks! I know that some people think that the their way is the only way, it's too one sided for me!

jacrazz

Thanks! I know that some people think that their way is the only way, it's too one sided for me!

yeahgr8

Oh yeah i had massive resentments to my enablers not because they should have said 'No' more often but because they were there! i had resentments against friends, places, family and partner.

It all evened out through recovery and working the steps. I don't have resentments against them now although most of them are no longer in my life anyway:-)

Id get help for you so you can move on and so you don't do this again. Have you considered counselling?