my aa problem
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Posted by jdooner
To me this seems to be much about your own difficulty to being open and perhaps stuck in that moment of time vs. continuing on your journey. I am not saying I would be any better in your shoes. I have sympathy and compassion for what you have endured, even if this does not come through my words here Desy. But, to me you might be attending meetings but not growing. Growth will require moving through the loss of your son and continuing to live, not survive. Perhaps there is a reason for all this and perhaps there is not - you have to be the one that wants to find out though.
To me this seems to be much about your own difficulty to being open and perhaps stuck in that moment of time vs. continuing on your journey. I am not saying I would be any better in your shoes. I have sympathy and compassion for what you have endured, even if this does not come through my words here Desy. But, to me you might be attending meetings but not growing. Growth will require moving through the loss of your son and continuing to live, not survive. Perhaps there is a reason for all this and perhaps there is not - you have to be the one that wants to find out though.
However, jdooner might be on to something. The fact that you bring it up in almost all your posts, suggests you might be holding on to some victimhood issue.
A therapist might be able to help you with that better than AA meetings.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
If anyone's interested, there's an open talk I have somewhere by Sandy Beach. He had somewhere around 40-something years of sobriety when his daughter was gunned down outside her house (in Wash DC I believe). She was the innocent victim of a drive-by shooting.
Sandy discusses how he learned to handle situations like this by observing some other groups of people who'd suffered great losses in his life many years prior. When his daughter was killed, he talks about how it was not his turn to be the example to others that his "teachers" were to him. I don't want to give too much away as hearing it from him carries a lot more weight than reading my retyped version of what I think I remember him saying.
It's been one of the gazillions of stories I've heard in the 1000's of talks I've listened to (I'm a bit of an open-talk addict....lol) that's never left me, and I've heard hundreds of amaaaaaazing things that I'd thought I'd never forget.......only to forget about them within a week or so. This one, it stuck with me for years.
If anyone's interested, shoot me a pm or something and I'll dig it up.
Sandy discusses how he learned to handle situations like this by observing some other groups of people who'd suffered great losses in his life many years prior. When his daughter was killed, he talks about how it was not his turn to be the example to others that his "teachers" were to him. I don't want to give too much away as hearing it from him carries a lot more weight than reading my retyped version of what I think I remember him saying.
It's been one of the gazillions of stories I've heard in the 1000's of talks I've listened to (I'm a bit of an open-talk addict....lol) that's never left me, and I've heard hundreds of amaaaaaazing things that I'd thought I'd never forget.......only to forget about them within a week or so. This one, it stuck with me for years.
If anyone's interested, shoot me a pm or something and I'll dig it up.
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