Americanpie

I've known my drinking is out of hand for a while. I am a SAHM and my Husband works out of town for weeks at a time. I don't drink every day but for the last few months, it's gotten more frequent, I'd say 3 times a week. Last night I was caught driving over the limit. It's time for me to face this head on and quit drinking all together. I don't know where to start. I've kept my drinking a secret from everyone for so long and I don't want this to get out to my friends and family. Should I start going to AA meetings is there a better alternative? Should I tell my friends and ask for support?
I am so ashamed today, my Husband is furious, I can't stop shaking and crying. I did pour the rest of the bottle of Vodka down the drain, and that was a first.

Thank you

Dee74

Hi AmericanPie

There's many ways to approach the problem - seeing your DR for help, or a counsellor, or joining a recovery group like AA or other meeting based recovery groups.

There's also non meeting based alternatives like Rational Recovery, and of course there's all manner of inpatient or outpatient rehab.

There's also communities like this. Try one, try them all, find what works best for you to help keep you sober and happy about that

Feel free to check out our Class of May support group
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4653032
D

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

You can start by getting through the day without drinking and good for you for getting rid of the alcohol. Some of our members use AA but there are many ways to stop drinking and recover. For me, I used books to help me find my way and I have used SR as a lifeline for many years. Therapy is also an option you might consider. The main thing is that your motive to stop is the most important thing.

Hevyn

Welcome Americanpie.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Been there, and it was humiliating. Yet something very good and valuable can come out of this. Once the smoke has cleared, you may just have a much better & happier life. I hope you'll stick with us and keep talking. You're never alone.

Americanpie

Thank you for the kind words. I've been beating myself up all day and I am crying as I type. I totally deserve what I am getting but it hurts none the less.

Gottalife

Should I start going to AA meetings? Is a very good question.

The way I found the answer was to call AA and ask someone to come and see me about my problem. We spent an afternoon together and I found out what AA is, how it works, and whether my problems and behaviour fitted the AA definition of alcoholism. It turned out AA was the place for me, and I've been sober ever since.

But it can also be that AA is not right for someone. An individual may not have the characteristics of the AA alcoholic and may not need to go to the same lengths we found we had to go to to get and stay sober. An individual may not be suitable for a spiritual based recovery. An individual may have other paths they wish to explore.

The important thing is to check it out and keep an open mind. I tried other things, hoping to find an easier way out, but I had no luck. I eventually went to AA as the last resort. Everyone is entitled to try whatever they think will work

All the best.

least

Welcome to the family. I'm glad you joined us. This is a great place for support and useful info.

Just for today, don't drink. Stay sober one day at a time. You can do that, right? Just don't drink, one day, one hour, one minute at a time.

Americanpie

I've never had a problem not drinking after a night of heavy drinking, I never drink two days in a row. My problem is a few days later when I have recouped from the hangover and I tell myself I'll be fine. My behavior when I am drinking has become more and more risky. I need to stop.
What are opinions on telling my friends what has happened. Obviously I will not be able to drive for a few months and people will start to ask questions. Should I keep this private or do I be open and honest? I don't think even my Husband has an idea just how bad my drinking is.

biminiblue

I think if you start lying, you are weaving a very tangled web.

Gottalife

A DUI makes you a criminal, but not necessarily an alcoholic. However being an alcoholic can and often does make people into criminals.

Your drinking pattern is similar to mine. I didn't drink every day either, but as it progressed I drank more and more often. My mina problem was that once I started I could not stop and during a binge bad things happened. I only over wanted to have a good time, but often I would end up in trouble.

Then when I had obvious problems I would swear off, only to find myself drinking shortly after, having forgotten why I wanted to stop. I had no defence against the first drink, and the first nearly always lead to a spree. Alcoholism turned me into a criminal.

Does that sound anything like your situation?

Americanpie

Yes, that is very much me. When I'm hungover I swear off drinking but it never lasts even a week.

Gottalife

It takes incredible courage to make such an admission. Usually the last thing we want to do is admit the extent of the problem. It's not easy to be so honest, but if you can recognise the problem, the next thing to do is find a solution.

AA worked for me, I suggest you check it out. If it's not for you there will be plenty of other suggestions on this site.

This moment of clarity, in my experience, often does not last long. It is important to act while it is clear in your mind. As you said earlier, your memory is inclined to fade after a bit.

fini

Should I start going to AA meetings is there a better alternative? Should I tell my friends and ask for support?

Americanpie,

welcome.

as to your question: well, you live in Victoria, and Victoria has many LifeRing meetings. Lifering is an abstinence-based secular peer support system, and last i heard has about fifteen meetings in Victoria and vicinity.

i'd not say it's a better alternative, nor even an alternative as such...it is simply LifeRing, with a non-dogmatic approach which encourages people to find what works for them. you can find LRCanada by googling, and the original LR here: The LifeRing Home Page | Sobriety, Secularity, Self-Help

as far as telling your friends, i get you hesitation. it's a scary thing to do, and maybe you're uncertain and ambivalent and concerned what might happen if you talk about it, announce you're quitting and then get responses to deal with that aren't supportive or what if you drink again after announcing you won't?

for me, when i finally told people, it cemented in my sobriety.

but there are other places for support, too.

AA is one, SR is another, LifeRing is yet one more option. and maybe there is SMART in Victoria, too...don't know; we have it here in Vancouver but i've never checked it out.

support, for me, was invaluable.

let us know how it's going.

neferkamichael

Americanpie, sounds like you have already started, you poured the rest of the vodka down the drain, and please go to an AA meeting, could help. Rootin for ya.

Americanpie

The guilt and remorse is killing me right now. I feel so low, I can't stand myself. I have two beautiful children, my Husband works hard to provide for us, I don't have to work and instead of being a productive Mother and Wife, I am a total closet drinker. I blackout, I spend entire days nursing hangovers, puking in my bathtub and not able to even cook dinner.
I need to find something to help me face this. This is not how I want to live, I can't do this anymore.

Croissant

Hi AmericanPie, welcome and please know you aren't alone.

Once I was ready to face I had a problem with alcohol (people sometimes have a misguided vision in their mind when the word alcoholic is used)....I read a lot of books to brace myself for what was ahead.

In the beginning I thought I "had" to use AA, but have ended up achieving sobriety and am doing ok without it. That may change at some point, but I get a lot out of this site. I hope you will also.

It's your choice, be honest with your husband of course. But your friends...I think people struggle with the word alcoholic. Secondly, admitting you have a problem sometimes makes others uncomfortable about their use of alcohol, so they may downplay your use of it.

Just some thoughts...and welcome!

Americanpie

I think I will take the next 3 months to focus on my health. I think I might take a break from Facebook, spend more time really being with my kids. I need to get my head into a different space than it is now. My children are young, they are leaving in the beginning of June to go abroad for the Summer. I was and still am very afraid to be alone. I'm scared I'll get wasted all Summer and sink further into depression. I am trying to look at a way of getting some purpose out of this. This needs to be the last stop on the crazy train for me, I have to get off now!!

Gottalife

Do you believe these actions will be sufficient to fix your problem? Focussing on your health will help but only if that involves not drinking. If we continue to drink, our problems just get worse. I am sure that has been your experience so far.

The trick is to find a way to stop drinking and be happy about it. If you are as seriously alcoholic as I was, that usually means getting some help.

Alcoholism is a progressive illness. If thats your problem, it ends in one of three ways: we get sober, or we go insane, or we die. The one thing we dont get to do is keep drinking. It's that serious.

paloverde

You are begging for help and that is a huge step in the right direction. The last couple of years of my drinking I was desperate for help but afraid to admit to anyone I had a serious problem (even though all my friends coworkers and family knew the whole time). Going to daily AA meetings keeps me from drinking, and reading the many stories of recovery on this website give me inspiration at home. Just don't drink one day at a time for now!

fini

americanpie,
use the guilt and shame you say are killing you to get off that train before it crashes kaputt. guilt and shame don't kill, but other stuff sure can. getting wasted all summer is on the road to that.
you have options; many!

go check some out and settle on one. i found real-life meetings and on-line forum has worked well for me.
no use wallowing in guilt and shame, it will get you nowhere.
use that spot you're in to advantage before your sense of urgency and seriousness fades away into "oh, it wasn't REALLY so bad...maybe i'll just ...hm..."