CheeseQ

Hi, I'm posting here asking for moral support to help get me through quitting... I've been trying to tapper off for literally 4 months, always getting close then right back to 6-8 a day... I don't binge at once, I space it out.. But soon as I hit the magic 8 in a 24 hr period I get really sick, and feel sick all day. I absolutely hate the cycle I'm in right now and I absolutely want to quit and I've decided this is just it. No more. I'm starting to have weird symptoms all the time and I know I'm just killing myself this way.

I've scheduled myself a slow taper (1 less per day) since I start having really scary kind of withdrawals about 4-6 hours after my last one. So every couple hours I have set an alert in my phone to schedule them out. Today I have 6, tomorrow 5, etc.. The problem so far has been while I set the alert for one, I'll have two, suddenly I'm right back to 8 drinks when I was down to 4 or 5.

I can't even describe the misery all this has caused as I'm sure everyone here has been there.... I want when I am in that moment of deciding just 1 more is ok that I can come here and post my progress instead and read up and keep going till I'm down to zero. ZERO sounds like such a lovely number.

So I'm asking for help. I'll just keep posting maybe every time I make some progress, I just need some kind of positive reinforcement when I DONT drink. Obviously no one in my life knows I'm going through this but everyone knows I'm 'sick' a lot..or not feeling good..or busy..or whatever excuse I can make to hide how very ill I really am..

Ok, I am scared to post this but I feel like this will help me finally break the cycle.

Dee74

Hi and welcome CheeseQ

Tapering never worked for me for the same reason why it's never worked for you.
It's your call but maybe seeing a Dr would be a better way to go forward this time?

you'll find a lot of support here anyway, both in this forum and our Newcomers forum as well

best wishes with whatever you decide

D

Bostonsportsfan

I tried a taper but it didn't work for me and I don't think it works for a lot of people. I don't think it's the best way to quit, but good luck to you.

Stoogy

I tried tapering for a couple of days too but in truth I just had to quit as I was starting to get sick when drinking too, I think the best route would be to involve your doctor on your withdrawal, I foolishly quit cold turkey with no help at all and this should not be done as it can cause all sorts of serious problems, tapering is recommended by some people but seeing your doctor would be the best thing to do before embarking on sobriety.

Taking5

Have you tried quitting all at once with the help of a Dr.? A Dr. will measure your vitals and prescribe the appropriate meds. This will almost certainly include a benzo as anti-seizure and anti-anxiety treatment. In my case I had high BP meds as well. If you go this route quitting is a lot easier, particularly the first 4-5 days. You've tried tapering - now it's time to try something different IMHO.

CheeseQ

I am scared to talk to a Dr because I'm afraid I'll get locked up in a detox center. If I can't taper down this time though I don't think I have a choice.. It's possible with the right timing that I could go somewhere, I'm starting a new job in a month and I could just slip in another week before my start date and go take care of myself. If a Dr could help me from home that would be ideal honestly, I guess i don't know if they do that??

Right now I'm feeling ok/normal and I'm 1 hr from my next taper. I was sick a few hrs ago but that has passed for now. (I've given up on sleeping at this point) I'm optimistic that I'm doing something different this time with a strict schedule and dosage amount and in my mind I'm just really set on stopping the madness.

I was just thinking though if I don't make progress this weekend I will go talk to a Dr Monday.

IOAA2

Hi. I think part of the problem with tapering off is for me it would keep the drinking in the forefront of my moment to moment "non existence" thinking which goes against a pearl I absorbed at the beginning of my sobriety. "THINK ABOUT NOT DRINKING."

BE WELL

Dee74

I'm not American and maybe someone will set me straight, but unless you were raving and were a danger to others or yourself, I've never heard of anyone getting locked up for detox CheeseQ

D

CheeseQ

I thought detox centers were the only option....? I can't seem to find a lot of information about what my options are... Maybe I'll go to an immediate care Dr today and just ask the question. The sooner I'm free of this the better.... If I could do this without touching another drop I'd be immensely happy.

Dee74

Your Dr should know of local options

D

Sudz No More

Tapering can help some people but you have to make a firm plan on reduction levels. I only tapered for about two weeks the first time I quit. I'm not even sure if it helped I was just worried about dangerous withdrawal so I did it to be safe. After I relapsed I just quit cold turkey after that. I couldn't be bothered with the whole tapering down process again and again.

What you are doing though is really setting up a binge and kindling issue. If you are still trying to taper at four months it is not working for you. If you think you will have dangerous withdrawal symptoms then your only option is medical help.

karate

We have all through the miserable times too .

I tapered , several times . Limited sucess

MnEman

The problem is with tapering, if you are actually alcohol dependent, you will simply hit a level that you can't get below without feeling withdrawals, and you will probably just stay at that level, until you give up and go back to heavier drinking, which it sounds like exactly what you have been doing. You need to just quit, and if you are having withdrawals, you should see a Dr who can evaluate you to determine how much care you need to quit safely. Remember, alcohol withdrawals can kill. Let us know how it goes.

Taking5

Dee is right, unless have committed a crime, or are danger to yourself or the general public, you cannot be "locked up" for treatment. The Dr. may recommend that you be hospitalized, but he/she cannot make this happen without a court's intervention. Lots of people detox at home, but please go see a Dr. first. It is the safest way to do this.

LBrain

Tapering is like... well... I don't want to be wet anymore. I think I'll just hang out at the shallow end of the pool.

If you have a month before you start a new job I would suggest stopping immediately with the aid of medical oversight - DETOX. It takes a few days based on what you said.
If you wait, this is not going to go away a month from now. And immediately make a commitment to stay stopped. Get help - counseling, AA etc. Come here everyday and 'talk' about it.

CheeseQ

Thanks everyone. So far I'm doing ok, feeling fine, sticking to the schedule and I'm optimistic I can get over the hump. At least I'm not feeling as freaked out and sick as I did last night. I still have long night ahead of me.

If I don't make progress and really quit I will go seek help, I absolutely have to stop.

CheeseQ

Update: I couldn't do it. Just saw a Dr. & got help. It was the hardest phone call I've ever made. I can't wait to live my life without this monster.

Dee74

I'm glad you reached out. Good decision

D

CheeseQ

I have almost no one to talk to about this struggle... It's my big scary secret..

newpatti

I just want to cheer you on, Cheese, for taking that scary step & calling the doc. Have you thought about finding a meeting near you? Perhaps meeting some real life folks at different places in the same journey would be a great help.