squirrelly77

Last night I did something that I'm trying to get used to doing. Instead of wallowing with my nose in the bottle, I reached out for help and I received it. Thanks ((((Kellie)))).
I'm just baffled by my actions sometimes. I relapsed after two weeks because I decided to go out with this guy I just met, and that's just stupid. I knew...I KNEW that that would happen, because I knew where it would take me--emotionally. I kept asking my HP "what should I do?" For some reason, I knew that in my decision to go out with him, I wouldn't be true to myself. I guess that's the lesson I kept being told I would learn by my HP in making that decision. And, now I'm suffering. Bad.
Well--okay a little background on this thing. I met this guy knowing full well that he wasn't going to be wanting anything serious. But, I did (and still do) like him--he's a very interesting and attractive person. He said something to me to the tune of "...don't make me want to stay in Michigan..." (he's suppose to move away to Florida soon). I don't know if that was just a line of BS, or if he was seriously getting to like me TOO much and not wanting to travel that path to save himself from getting hurt. Oh yeah, by the way--I tend to analyze a lot of things, if you haven't noticed already. Anyways, I decided--whatever, it will be fun for the time. But, now--gawd--now, I'm being such a girly-girl because he doesn't seem to be as interested in me anymore. Yes, I ended up "being" with him. I made that decision, again, knowing where it might lead me. And, here I am. I just feel so stupid and used, and that's just crappy thinking that I knew would end me up here in this pitiful state of mind. I'm not "easy"--by any means. And, I kept saying "to thine ownself be true" over and over before I made the decision. Well, I wasn't. I'm being really hard on myself, I know. But, I'm just so mad that I let this get in the way of my recovery. So...I guess like I said, this is the lesson I'm supposed to learn through all of this. I'm so sorry to God (who is my HP) and I really hope that right now He can hear my cry for help and my apologies.
BOYS--definitely a slippery "place" for me because I was a late bloomer and within the past few years I've been making up for lost time. I need to avoid them at all costs. I'm really tired of beating myself up. REALLY tired. I eventually want to get married, start a family, and everything else--and I know that through my recovery...I will learn that I deserve to be loved by someone who KNOWS how to love.
Live and learn and move on. Sorry, just venting. And, I can't numb myself any longer...that's why I'm staying around here. I'm gonna to get this right, by the grace of God. Everyone here has been tremendous. Thanks again.

Danielle

ted

(((((((DANIELLE)))))))
......ted

Dan

No... Really?
Love you Danielle. Don't ever give up.
Ever.

squirrelly77

((((TED)))) You rock too my friend. By the way...I COULD use a couple bucks...still need your grass mowed and your car washed???

((((DAN)))) Sometimes I really want to kick your butt! I love you too. Meany. And, I won't give up. I've got too much life to live.

Danielle

1Marty

Hey Danielle, thanks for sharing. Have faith, keep working, and dont give up!

Chy

So what DO you think Danielle? *LOL* hugs!!!

In memory of miracle

(((((((Danielle))))))

squirrelly77

(((( Chy)))) like I've said before, I'm actually just starting to get used to this whole opening up and telling people how I feel. It's nice. Strange, but nice.
Yeah, so...this is Day 3--after a week of drinking on and off, AFTER the two-weeks of being sober.
Another 24 hours. Or, a string of them is more like it. Feeling good...remembering how I felt not drinking certainly outweighs the pain I caused myself this past week.

Love y'all,

Danielle

KelKel

Hi Danielle...
It is so nice to see you, I checked for you last night before I went to bed, but I must of missed you.
Glad to hear you are feeling better and better yet, still sober..

Love You sweetie

Chy

Keep up the good work!!

MootPoint

You've got one 24 hour, Danielle........ now lets try for another

: ing you on

squirrelly77

Ann--that's actually 3-24 hours!!!...sorry, I must have been misleading with what I wrote...
So I get THREE cheerleader girlies.
Tee-hee.