bob2093

I seen my counselor today. We talked mostly about how to deal with life as it is now. She told me I need to focus on the present. The past can't be changed and the future has not happened yet. I'm very confused on this. The past I know I can't change. However the past reminds me of what not to do in the present or future. If I void it out am I not running from the problems that have got me here? The future I don't understand either. Why do we get up to go to work every day? Why do we have a savings account? Why would I not worry about the future? I wish I could just live in the present but at some point that mortgage is going to become due. Without my past I will never heal. Without my future I would never get out of bed. What are your opinions on this?

biminiblue

I think her point is not to worry about the future or have regrets about the past. Of course a prudent person is going to not procrastinate and to plan for the future. A person who does not learn from their past is destined to repeat it, but her point is that it is done and can't be changed.

FeenixxRising

Planning for the future is not the same as "worrying" about the future. Felling "guilty" or "anguished" about the past is not the same as learning from your mistakes and working to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

Worry and Guilt are unhealthy emotions, they keep you from functioning properly. Planning (concern for) your future and learning from your mistakes are healthy emotions.

As I understand it, living in the present doesn't mean you don't plan for the future or completely forget about the past, rather you don't expend precious emotional energy in the present by feeling guilty about something that happened in the past, or worrying about what might happened in future.

BadCompany

How much fear do you drag into today from a nonexistent future? How much anger do you drag into today from yesterday? How much time do you waste living in that past and future? But the mortgage isn't due today. You are due at work today. If you take care of today (going to work) you will do much better in today and make it a much easier place to stay sober in.

bob2093

Thank you all. Your advice has helped me much. I don't think I will ever get it. I'm doing church on Sunday. The idea to focus on me and nothing else drives me nuts. The past and the future made the present! My past was hell and my future will not be better. I sometimes wish I would step down on my company. I could live off the income just being the owner. What would I do with my time? What would my children think of me? They need to know that they must work hard for what they have! There is no free ride. They will never have the childhood I had. With logic none of this makes since. Past present future. One can only pray someday we will get it. This crap sucks ass!!!!!!!

SteveJr

I've tried the technique of mindfulness in my outpatient therapy quite some time ago which was helpful. Church is great.
For my recovery, I use the past only to remind me what God brought me out of. I use the past as a sail not an anchor. Community with other people, focusing more on others; encouraging them & allowing them to encourage me. Worries about tomorrow and regrets of yesterday only eats up the time we have now.