got my first sponsee
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 464
got my first sponsee
Today I was talking to a newcomer I called over the phone and now I am her sponsor. Im excited and scared at the same time. I have no clue what I am doing I have never sponsored before but I will follow my sponsors example. I have 13 months sober today I am meeting with her Thursday evening after I get of work.
Congratulations! 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
can anyone clarify the process of getting / becoming a sponser the bunch of times I went to AA no one ever said nothing about this to me. I just figured no one wanted to sponser me. I'm a rather keep to myself person anyhow so whatever but i do often wonder if i'd benefit from one. Of course it might help if i got my butt back to an aa meeting I just havent had time (bad excuse i know)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
Originally Posted by zjw 
can anyone clarify the process of getting / becoming a sponser the bunch of times I went to AA no one ever said nothing about this to me. I just figured no one wanted to sponser me. I'm a rather keep to myself person anyhow so whatever but i do often wonder if i'd benefit from one. Of course it might help if i got my butt back to an aa meeting I just havent had time (bad excuse i know)
Just ask someone you think your personality will mesh with .
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by zjw
can anyone clarify the process of getting / becoming a sponser the bunch of times I went to AA no one ever said nothing about this to me. I just figured no one wanted to sponser me. I'm a rather keep to myself person anyhow so whatever but i do often wonder if i'd benefit from one. Of course it might help if i got my butt back to an aa meeting I just havent had time (bad excuse i know)
When you find someone who has what you want, ask them to take you through the steps. If you don't want to do the steps, then a sponsor might be surplus to requirements.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
Congratulations, Anoronha, on your next stage of development.
I know you are not asking for advice or suggestions. Indeed, you appear to have a good handle on what's required.
When my sponsor took me on, he explained that he could only sponsor me the way that he had been sponsored; only guide me through the steps the way he had been shown.
Of course, when I spoke seriously to my sponsee, for the first time, I said and did the same.
And on and on . . .
Long may it continue.
zjw, If I may be so bold as to explain Gottalife's comment:
I think he meant that if you don't want to do the steps, then you don't (or may not) need a sponsor.
But, then if your not going to meetings a sponsor won't do you much good either -- obviously.
In my humble opinion, guiding us through the steps is our sponsors' most important way of helping us to achieve sobriety.
With respect: I think I used to be like you. I called myself a loner (sounds better than lonely). Even with a wife and two kids I felt lonely.
After going to enough AA meetings, I heard the term: self-centred-fear as a synonym for shyness. That really struck home.
After going to even more meetings, I plucked up the courage (or acted out of desperation) to ask a man that I admired to be my sponsor.
After working our way through the steps I feel liberated, for the most part, from the self-centred-fear that kept me from enjoying human company.
And I definitely am free from the need to drink.
I know you are not asking for advice or suggestions. Indeed, you appear to have a good handle on what's required.
When my sponsor took me on, he explained that he could only sponsor me the way that he had been sponsored; only guide me through the steps the way he had been shown.
Of course, when I spoke seriously to my sponsee, for the first time, I said and did the same.
And on and on . . .
Long may it continue.
zjw, If I may be so bold as to explain Gottalife's comment:
I think he meant that if you don't want to do the steps, then you don't (or may not) need a sponsor.
But, then if your not going to meetings a sponsor won't do you much good either -- obviously.
In my humble opinion, guiding us through the steps is our sponsors' most important way of helping us to achieve sobriety.
With respect: I think I used to be like you. I called myself a loner (sounds better than lonely). Even with a wife and two kids I felt lonely.
After going to enough AA meetings, I heard the term: self-centred-fear as a synonym for shyness. That really struck home.
After going to even more meetings, I plucked up the courage (or acted out of desperation) to ask a man that I admired to be my sponsor.
After working our way through the steps I feel liberated, for the most part, from the self-centred-fear that kept me from enjoying human company.
And I definitely am free from the need to drink.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
my sponsor is my best friend, the only way you will know how to be a sponsor is by being a sponsor and just giving it a try. we learn from trying good luck to you and enjoy the experience
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
After going to enough AA meetings, I heard the term: self-centred-fear as a synonym for shyness. That really struck home.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
hi zjw
in aa i have made real friends i dont have many but there people i could really lean on these days if i needed to.
the hardest part of making friends was me letting people into my life learning to trust them etc and also letting my pride go and letting people help me who wanted to help. i think its one of the hardest things to do is to open up to someone and let them see the real me etc and even now i dont do it with everyone but time and a bit of willingness to give new things a try have paid off
in aa i have made real friends i dont have many but there people i could really lean on these days if i needed to.
the hardest part of making friends was me letting people into my life learning to trust them etc and also letting my pride go and letting people help me who wanted to help. i think its one of the hardest things to do is to open up to someone and let them see the real me etc and even now i dont do it with everyone but time and a bit of willingness to give new things a try have paid off
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
letting people help me who wanted to help.
The bunch of times I went to AA while people where cordial they seemed to havet here own little clicks and pretty much ignored me. But i did still enjoy going. I just havent been back as I've not had the time.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
the idea is when you do 12 steps you then practise by doing the 12th step on trying to help others and sadly not many get active in this at all in aa, but its always been that way. i was taught by my sponcer to show my gratitude by helping aa getting into service and always finding the time to help new comers. i was scared of everything making the tea to being a group leader but it all helped me grow, now when i go to a meeting i go to listen out who might be in pain at the meeting and i have a word with them at the end of the meeting just to offer my hand of friendship to them and a bit of an ear if they want to moan the world over etc.
thats all i can do is offer my time and it works both for me and for them as i feel good inside of me with this new way of life and its in no way a god reborn thing either as i dont belive in god lol, but i do belive in living or trying to live a new life, a good life, one day at a time. but like i said i wasnt born this way i was the total oppersite to how i am today.
like you i wouldnt let anyone around me help me as i was to proud to accept help. i would rather sit alone with nothing than ever ask someone to help me out but i am not like that today. it all starts with doing a just for today task each day i could go on and on and on about how my life is now but its long enough as it is this message lol but i do hope you will try to let someone help you just say to yourself ok i am going to let someone help me today and pluck up the courage to ask even if its just go for a cup of tea with someone and a bit of a natter its all got to start somewhere so make that start : )
thats all i can do is offer my time and it works both for me and for them as i feel good inside of me with this new way of life and its in no way a god reborn thing either as i dont belive in god lol, but i do belive in living or trying to live a new life, a good life, one day at a time. but like i said i wasnt born this way i was the total oppersite to how i am today.
like you i wouldnt let anyone around me help me as i was to proud to accept help. i would rather sit alone with nothing than ever ask someone to help me out but i am not like that today. it all starts with doing a just for today task each day i could go on and on and on about how my life is now but its long enough as it is this message lol but i do hope you will try to let someone help you just say to yourself ok i am going to let someone help me today and pluck up the courage to ask even if its just go for a cup of tea with someone and a bit of a natter its all got to start somewhere so make that start : )
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,006
Congratulations!! I'm not currently working with a sponsor as I've decided not to do the steps at this time, but I've had great sponsors in the past.
The most important positive quality I thought they had was trustworthiness. I felt totally comfortable that what I shared with them stayed with them, and if they needed to discuss things about me, they would do it in a way that shielded my identity, and they would only discuss it with their sponsor, and only for the purpose of providing me with assistance.
So, how does one show trustworthiness?
They did not gossip to me about other people, and if I wanted to gossip about other people they would shut that conversation down. This showed to me that they would not be discussing my business to anyone else.
When I was talking about intensely personal things, they just listened to me, as opposed to interrupting with questions. They just let me share what I wanted to share. This showed to me that they were not really interested in 'the gory details', which actually made me more comfortable in opening up.
I'm sure there is lots of advice for sponsors, but no matter how new you are, you can be a total pro at trustworthiness and it's a very important quality, I think. It goes a long way.
The most important positive quality I thought they had was trustworthiness. I felt totally comfortable that what I shared with them stayed with them, and if they needed to discuss things about me, they would do it in a way that shielded my identity, and they would only discuss it with their sponsor, and only for the purpose of providing me with assistance.
So, how does one show trustworthiness?
They did not gossip to me about other people, and if I wanted to gossip about other people they would shut that conversation down. This showed to me that they would not be discussing my business to anyone else.
When I was talking about intensely personal things, they just listened to me, as opposed to interrupting with questions. They just let me share what I wanted to share. This showed to me that they were not really interested in 'the gory details', which actually made me more comfortable in opening up.
I'm sure there is lots of advice for sponsors, but no matter how new you are, you can be a total pro at trustworthiness and it's a very important quality, I think. It goes a long way.
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