Feel the wheels coming off
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 342
Feel the wheels coming off
Havn't been this down for a long time had been travelling pretty well.
Gotta say I wonder a bit what's the point if everything eventually turns to s#$t anyway. Sometimes doesn't seem to matter how hard you try or how well you do you just keep getting big hits.
I even feel bad for feeling like this. If I wasn't so close to my two years I would probably just drown my sorrows. Just want to get out of my head for a while.
Gotta say I wonder a bit what's the point if everything eventually turns to s#$t anyway. Sometimes doesn't seem to matter how hard you try or how well you do you just keep getting big hits.
I even feel bad for feeling like this. If I wasn't so close to my two years I would probably just drown my sorrows. Just want to get out of my head for a while.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 112
I hate that feeling- the wanting to get out of my head for awhile, but I'm stuck.
Look at you- feeling your feelings and so close to 2 years! Yay!!!
Yes, life will give us big hits. And the wheels will come off, and we will scrape by on the raw ground.
But sober? You can handle it, I promise. And if you feel that you can't, remember how far you've come, ok?
Look at you- feeling your feelings and so close to 2 years! Yay!!!
Yes, life will give us big hits. And the wheels will come off, and we will scrape by on the raw ground.
But sober? You can handle it, I promise. And if you feel that you can't, remember how far you've come, ok?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I can relate. I feel tired and beaten in various areas of life at the moment. I claw my way to go on in these areas as well. and they beat me up and run me over all day long too. But then other stuff like seeing my kids smile or what not makes me feel good. I cant just not focus on the bad problems do need to be solved but sometimes I just gotta take a break from those and focus on the good till i can go back to focusing on the crummy again.
But yeah just last night I through maybe a little relapse would do me some good. Ya know just unwind and get hammered to calm myself down etc.. Just once just one evening of good tmes and relaxation. I read plenty of folks here have a few drinks and pick themselves back up and stay sober again for a while I think hey if they can do it so can i right?
I dont wanna give up almost 3 years tho it'll be 3 years in june 1 little fun evening could be another decade I just dont know and I dont think I can afford to find out so I just keep plugging along instead.
I told a buddy this morning I"m terrified of loosing my job. he said all i do is live in fear he said what does it matter if you loose you job life willl just go on.
So despite our problems life just moves forward life goes on sometimes you just gotta go with it. Roll with the punches. I wont lie it stinks sometimes.
But yeah just last night I through maybe a little relapse would do me some good. Ya know just unwind and get hammered to calm myself down etc.. Just once just one evening of good tmes and relaxation. I read plenty of folks here have a few drinks and pick themselves back up and stay sober again for a while I think hey if they can do it so can i right?
I dont wanna give up almost 3 years tho it'll be 3 years in june 1 little fun evening could be another decade I just dont know and I dont think I can afford to find out so I just keep plugging along instead.
I told a buddy this morning I"m terrified of loosing my job. he said all i do is live in fear he said what does it matter if you loose you job life willl just go on.
So despite our problems life just moves forward life goes on sometimes you just gotta go with it. Roll with the punches. I wont lie it stinks sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
Hang in there ,time and again we resort to drinking .
Same result every time , misery psysically and mentally .
Same shame ,guilt ,depression ,anxiety ...... Same $ spent on wasted supposed -"fun "
Why would we expect drinking to be -different this time .
I suspect we have all tried numerous times ,with same result .
Same result every time , misery psysically and mentally .
Same shame ,guilt ,depression ,anxiety ...... Same $ spent on wasted supposed -"fun "
Why would we expect drinking to be -different this time .
I suspect we have all tried numerous times ,with same result .
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 342
Originally Posted by zjw 
But yeah just last night I through maybe a little relapse would do me some good. Ya know just unwind and get hammered to calm myself down etc.. Just once just one evening of good tmes and relaxation. I read plenty of folks here have a few drinks and pick themselves back up and stay sober again for a while I think hey if they can do it so can i right? .
The problem is I like being sober but right now I could use some time off and drown all the chatter.
Thing is Karate I havn't tried numerous times this was my first big one. What if I have hit the reset button, am not a real alcoholic but a heavy drinker. I know this is crap but anyway...
Cant drink cos I have invested too much in cutting off people and cleaning my life up and committing to things that need sober me to manage, yet finding it hard to manage without a release at the moment and hate the fact I am whinging.
Part problem ZJW is my kid isn't smiling at the moment. A couple of decisions from years ago are coming home to roost and I am beating myself up a bit. Not drinking means I get to analyse all my mistakes under a microscope rather than wash them away.
Either way I wont drink for another month hopefully this will all pass. Just venting. I think
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
It's weird how we look at problems that were caused by our drinking and think maybe more drinking would help, isn't it?
Not drinking means you'll face those problems and they'll get sorted a lot more quickly than if you drank Nigey.
If you need respite - take it - go for walks along the beach, or join an indoor cricket team, touch footy...whatever helps in a positive way.
Beating yourself up gets to be self-indulgence pretty quickly. Use that energy for more proactive things
My life is not all sunshine and roses now I'm sober. I doubt you'll find anyone who's life is...
but recovery has given me a lot more tools to deal with bad days and the crises - and I have more faith in my capacity to deal and survive than I ever have.
Think about the 'you' you've gotten back Nigey - bad things come...and then they go...don't lose heart, mate
D
Not drinking means you'll face those problems and they'll get sorted a lot more quickly than if you drank Nigey.
If you need respite - take it - go for walks along the beach, or join an indoor cricket team, touch footy...whatever helps in a positive way.
Beating yourself up gets to be self-indulgence pretty quickly. Use that energy for more proactive things
My life is not all sunshine and roses now I'm sober. I doubt you'll find anyone who's life is...
but recovery has given me a lot more tools to deal with bad days and the crises - and I have more faith in my capacity to deal and survive than I ever have.
Think about the 'you' you've gotten back Nigey - bad things come...and then they go...don't lose heart, mate
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Cant drink cos I have invested too much in cutting off people and cleaning my life up and committing to things that need sober me to manage, yet finding it hard to manage without a release at the moment and hate the fact I am whinging.
Part problem ZJW is my kid isn't smiling at the moment. A couple of decisions from years ago are coming home to roost and I am beating myself up a bit. Not drinking means I get to analyse all my mistakes under a microscope rather than wash them away.
Either way I wont drink for another month hopefully this will all pass. Just venting. I think
Part problem ZJW is my kid isn't smiling at the moment. A couple of decisions from years ago are coming home to roost and I am beating myself up a bit. Not drinking means I get to analyse all my mistakes under a microscope rather than wash them away.
Either way I wont drink for another month hopefully this will all pass. Just venting. I think
I'm not gonna say its easy But I'll say these problems that arise and SMACK you upside the head are not going to stop there will be more. I"m getting to the point where I think ugg here we go again and I think i can get through this just like I got through all the others its gonan stink but i'll manage i'll be ok.
So what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. You go through this think geeze this stinks you scream cry freak out etc.. but dont drink and soon enough this too will pass just like everything else.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
see how back and forth I can be even. On one hand i'm like yeah screw this lets drink!! and then theres the other side thats like no no now be greatful for what you have you can get through this suck it up its just one more day tommorrowas another day who knows maybe it'll be fabulous.
Thing is which voice do you give into? You already know where the drinken voice leads been there done that. Picture the sober guy sayen just come a little further. Thats what i do the sober guy is sayen just keep going just go 1 more day just walk another step forward in the right direction. Some times all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and if you look up to see the scenery it is far far too scary and awful so you just keep your head down and push through it. once through it look up and smile your past it.
Thing is which voice do you give into? You already know where the drinken voice leads been there done that. Picture the sober guy sayen just come a little further. Thats what i do the sober guy is sayen just keep going just go 1 more day just walk another step forward in the right direction. Some times all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and if you look up to see the scenery it is far far too scary and awful so you just keep your head down and push through it. once through it look up and smile your past it.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by nigey1
Gotta say I wonder a bit what's the point if everything eventually turns to s#$t anyway.
Like you will!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Nigey, I can't say I'm going through the best time of my life at the moment either, but I take a lot of comfort and pride that at least I'm doing it sober. Relapsing would be disastrous and make things much worse.
You're doing really well. Stick it out and you won't go back.
You're doing really well. Stick it out and you won't go back.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by nigey1
Exactly.
The problem is I like being sober but right now I could use some time off and drown all the chatter.
Thing is Karate I havn't tried numerous times this was my first big one. What if I have hit the reset button, am not a real alcoholic but a heavy drinker. I know this is crap but anyway...
Cant drink cos I have invested too much in cutting off people and cleaning my life up and committing to things that need sober me to manage, yet finding it hard to manage without a release at the moment and hate the fact I am whinging.
Part problem ZJW is my kid isn't smiling at the moment. A couple of decisions from years ago are coming home to roost and I am beating myself up a bit. Not drinking means I get to analyse all my mistakes under a microscope rather than wash them away.
Either way I wont drink for another month hopefully this will all pass. Just venting. I think
The problem is I like being sober but right now I could use some time off and drown all the chatter.
Thing is Karate I havn't tried numerous times this was my first big one. What if I have hit the reset button, am not a real alcoholic but a heavy drinker. I know this is crap but anyway...
Cant drink cos I have invested too much in cutting off people and cleaning my life up and committing to things that need sober me to manage, yet finding it hard to manage without a release at the moment and hate the fact I am whinging.
Part problem ZJW is my kid isn't smiling at the moment. A couple of decisions from years ago are coming home to roost and I am beating myself up a bit. Not drinking means I get to analyse all my mistakes under a microscope rather than wash them away.
Either way I wont drink for another month hopefully this will all pass. Just venting. I think
As you know with close to two years, recovery allows us to gain clarity. Clarity to enjoy the good times but with this comes the unfortanate pain of deeling with life's crap that we have to deal with too. Its a little like an acid trip everything is so much more vivid, good and bad.
I am not sure what program you are working but maybe this is a case of going back ot basics to get through this tough time...meditation, work your steps if in AA, service work, doing the next right thing.
I know I don't have another recovery in me - that is what keeps me sober during the tougher times and then I work my program and I grow and become stronger.
Good luck - early congrats on the two years too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
You have to do a tonne of work on yourself to change behaviours and perspective on life to ensure things don't keep going to s@@@!
No use comparing yourself who sobers up and everything is great if that's not meant to be your journey that's just the way it is?!
No use comparing yourself who sobers up and everything is great if that's not meant to be your journey that's just the way it is?!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by Dee74
It's weird how we look at problems that were caused by our drinking and think maybe more drinking would help, isn't it?
Not drinking means you'll face those problems and they'll get sorted a lot more quickly than if you drank Nigey.
If you need respite - take it - go for walks along the beach, or join an indoor cricket team, touch footy...whatever helps in a positive way.
Beating yourself up gets to be self-indulgence pretty quickly. Use that energy for more proactive things
My life is not all sunshine and roses now I'm sober. I doubt you'll find anyone who's life is...
but recovery has given me a lot more tools to deal with bad days and the crises - and I have more faith in my capacity to deal and survive than I ever have.
Think about the 'you' you've gotten back Nigey - bad things come...and then they go...don't lose heart, mate
D
Not drinking means you'll face those problems and they'll get sorted a lot more quickly than if you drank Nigey.
If you need respite - take it - go for walks along the beach, or join an indoor cricket team, touch footy...whatever helps in a positive way.
Beating yourself up gets to be self-indulgence pretty quickly. Use that energy for more proactive things
My life is not all sunshine and roses now I'm sober. I doubt you'll find anyone who's life is...
but recovery has given me a lot more tools to deal with bad days and the crises - and I have more faith in my capacity to deal and survive than I ever have.
Think about the 'you' you've gotten back Nigey - bad things come...and then they go...don't lose heart, mate
D
Life is tough, it's even tougher hungover😡
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 342
Yeh I know its not all sunshine once you sober up and have been happy to roll with the punches just didn't want the sudden kicking and stomping whilst I was down.
I can be a martyr at times and overthink and over rationalize no doubt about it. So Im not even sure if things are that bad or if it is me. Just know things aren't quite right somewhere.
It is hard for me to describe on here, it doesn't read right. I can write a great factual report (that's my job) but I cant really explain what I'm thinking. It leads to frustration.
Might go see a quack about my head.
Thanks for the replies
I can be a martyr at times and overthink and over rationalize no doubt about it. So Im not even sure if things are that bad or if it is me. Just know things aren't quite right somewhere.
It is hard for me to describe on here, it doesn't read right. I can write a great factual report (that's my job) but I cant really explain what I'm thinking. It leads to frustration.
Might go see a quack about my head.
Thanks for the replies
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: California
Posts: 195
Nigey, I'm going through a pretty horrible break up. I didn't/ won't drink because I know it would only make things worse. Withdrawals are bad enough. Doing stupid stuff while I'm drunk is bad enough... And I guess that's really the main point. Drinking makes problems WORSE. It doesn't prevent problems from happening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
Originally Posted by zjw
I can relate. I feel tired and beaten in various areas of life at the moment. I claw my way to go on in these areas as well. and they beat me up and run me over all day long too. But then other stuff like seeing my kids smile or what not makes me feel good. I cant just not focus on the bad problems do need to be solved but sometimes I just gotta take a break from those and focus on the good till i can go back to focusing on the crummy again.
But yeah just last night I through maybe a little relapse would do me some good. Ya know just unwind and get hammered to calm myself down etc.. Just once just one evening of good tmes and relaxation. I read plenty of folks here have a few drinks and pick themselves back up and stay sober again for a while I think hey if they can do it so can i right?
I dont wanna give up almost 3 years tho it'll be 3 years in june 1 little fun evening could be another decade I just dont know and I dont think I can afford to find out so I just keep plugging along instead.
I told a buddy this morning I"m terrified of loosing my job. he said all i do is live in fear he said what does it matter if you loose you job life willl just go on.
So despite our problems life just moves forward life goes on sometimes you just gotta go with it. Roll with the punches. I wont lie it stinks sometimes.
But yeah just last night I through maybe a little relapse would do me some good. Ya know just unwind and get hammered to calm myself down etc.. Just once just one evening of good tmes and relaxation. I read plenty of folks here have a few drinks and pick themselves back up and stay sober again for a while I think hey if they can do it so can i right?
I dont wanna give up almost 3 years tho it'll be 3 years in june 1 little fun evening could be another decade I just dont know and I dont think I can afford to find out so I just keep plugging along instead.
I told a buddy this morning I"m terrified of loosing my job. he said all i do is live in fear he said what does it matter if you loose you job life willl just go on.
So despite our problems life just moves forward life goes on sometimes you just gotta go with it. Roll with the punches. I wont lie it stinks sometimes.
On your worries try this little exercise =
Lets say losing your job is the largest worry you have .
Now lets imagine that has happened , now what would you do
Whats the plan now ?
make the plan ,then when the worry hits ,apply the aforementioned plan to it and say "I have this covered -if it happens "
Dale Carnigies "how to stop worrying and start living "
I would recommend reading the entire book -GOOD STUFF
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
nigey,
I first got sober in 1990. I was cruising along for 6 years and life was good. Then the SHTF (**** hit the fan) with an a-hole boss that made each day at work a living hell. At the same time me and my now ex-wife separated, and on top of that I started having panic attacks. I ended up having one F-it night that ended up lasting a year.
I got sober again in 1997. I was cruising along for 7 years and life was good. Then I got really sick (endocarditis). Then I had to have heart surgery to replace my aortic valve. Then I had complications. Then when I finally got past the complications and was ready to go back to work they had filled my position and terminated me. I decided to have one F-it night that ended up lasting 8 years.
I can report to you from personal experience that there is no guarantee how long one night of escape will end up lasting. I can also report that it did not make any of the **** going on in my life get better but kept piling more of it on me until I was buried in it. In the past I never really had the recovery tools to be prepared when a major SHTF scenario presented itself. It was a tough way to learn that I have to find a way of dealing with life sober no matter what happens because I will never know if the next "one night of escape" will be the one that I never recover from.
I first got sober in 1990. I was cruising along for 6 years and life was good. Then the SHTF (**** hit the fan) with an a-hole boss that made each day at work a living hell. At the same time me and my now ex-wife separated, and on top of that I started having panic attacks. I ended up having one F-it night that ended up lasting a year.
I got sober again in 1997. I was cruising along for 7 years and life was good. Then I got really sick (endocarditis). Then I had to have heart surgery to replace my aortic valve. Then I had complications. Then when I finally got past the complications and was ready to go back to work they had filled my position and terminated me. I decided to have one F-it night that ended up lasting 8 years.
I can report to you from personal experience that there is no guarantee how long one night of escape will end up lasting. I can also report that it did not make any of the **** going on in my life get better but kept piling more of it on me until I was buried in it. In the past I never really had the recovery tools to be prepared when a major SHTF scenario presented itself. It was a tough way to learn that I have to find a way of dealing with life sober no matter what happens because I will never know if the next "one night of escape" will be the one that I never recover from.
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