dollpart

This is the first day I've come back from an AA meeting and not felt lonely. Does anyone else feel that loneliness? That kind of... support, followed by being alone?

biminiblue

I have the opposite problem. Can't wait to get alone.

It's a problem. I'm working on it. Sometimes quickly sometimes slowly.

Coldfusion

Did you stick around after the meeting? Was there a "meeting after the meeting?" After one of the meetings I go to, a group always goes out together afterwards.

dollpart

It's weird. It's like... afterwards, I want to be alone to reflect. But then I get alone to reflect and feel lonely.

biminiblue

I know, I actually have felt that way on some days. You just happened to catch me right after a meeting that I couldn't get out of the building fast enough. Some meetings are like that.

Could you ask someone out to coffee or a walk after a meeting? I'm not good at asking, but I'll bet a lot of people feel lonely after a meeting.

Coldfusion

How about a phone list or sponsor? I got a sponsor at my third meeting, and got a phone list from every one of my first several meetings. Then, I actually practiced using the phone list--I called a couple people, and told them that I was new and was just practicing.

Climber122

Hi Doll,

I don't know how long you've been sober, but especially in early recovery it is perfectly normal to feel sad, lonely and empty. Part of our addiction is making alcohol our "best friend" of sorts. Even as you're doing the right and healthy thing by working a program of recovery, it sounds as though you are experiencing some mourning for the loss of your "friend".

But take heart! It gets better and the friendships you make from here forward are founded on enduring qualities. That fellowship you experience at meetings and makes you feel good is real - not like the fake friendships made at the pub that last as long as the buzz does. Nor are they like the friendship you had with alcohol itself - one that leads to mental, physical and spiritual death.

This is the crux of learning to live sober - acceptance - to be okay with not feeling great sometimes. Allow yourself to be a little down, and look forward to those times when you hit a meeting and feel good! It can take some months, but as you stay sober and continue to work your recovery, your mood will indeed begin to level out, and as you begin to help others - not just in recovery but in daily life - you'll be feeding your soul with the kindness and goodness that keeps those blues at bay

dollpart

biminiblue- I could. People have given me lifts home a few times, and that's always really nice. Just feel a bit empty when I get through my door. what was so bad about the meeting?

coldfusion- i still haven't asked about getting a sponsor... so nerve-wracking thinking about it. How did you ask?

Climber- it had been 11 days, I'm back on day 1 again today. Thanks for your advice, I am really glad to hear it does get better. That was a really kind, inspiring reply.

Coldfusion

I asked the person who looked the most like what I wanted to become.

dollpart

Clever!!!

tomsteve

I remember that. there were couple things it was. one was I was thinkin about what was said at the meetings and seeing more of the wreckage of my life. it was also that I hadn't realy ever had time by myself without drinking. it was also that I found my home in AA, so goin to my residence after a meeting I felt out of place-like I wasn't home.

dollpart

tomsteve- exactly!!!

dollpart

all those things.

yeahgr8

Yes i can relate. One day i went to a meeting and forced myself to stay afterwards, i stood in the room at the end feeling very conspicuous, and a couple of people came up and said hello. I learned from that if i stick around i get to at least know some people. Then the next step was realising that a big amount of people in AA felt the same loneliness thst i did after meetings do i started getting numbers and meeting up for the odd coffee here and there. It was a good start for me as i had no social circle:-)

aasharon90

I went to meetings to escape life at home.
My unhappiness, yet, I went to my meetings
because I wanted and needed them, then
returned home to where my responsibility
to my family was.

Sometimes I was so envious of the many
single members there at meetings, younger
than I that could go out and party sober
when I had to leave emmediately to carpool
and take care of family.

That one hour escape was heaven to me
and I hung on to whatever I needed at
that time in recovery to remain sober.

Today, after many yrs sober and countless
changes, I love my quiet, solitude, no drama,
serenity and gratefulness right here at home
and SR.

Carlotta

I am so with you Sharon. My little home is my sanctuary where I get to unwind. I absolutely love being alone.

Johnston

Same here. Wife, dog, iPad. Who could ask for anything more?

GracieLou

I used to get lonely. I was not comfortable with myself.

I thought it was strange because when I drank I isolated. All I ever wanted was to be alone and after I got sober I wanted to be around people. Alone was lonely.

I don't feel that way anymore. I can be alone and not be lonely but there are times I can still feel that way. I call someone or come on here.

It gets easier.

dollpart

I've been starting to do that. I made the teas and coffees today, so got to hang around with a few people before the meeting, it was nice. Maybe why today is less lonely.

Gottalife

I have found part of the answer is in the groups responsibility to recognise and welcome newcomers. At my home group, no one should get in the door with being welcomed and introduced around. We do our best to make the newcomer feel at home.

This doesn't always happen at every meeting I attend. At present I am travelling around the country attending meetings where I don't know anyone. Often I get a great welcome but sometimes the group is a little preoccupied with its own issues and forgets the new face.

That happened last night. So I appointed myself the official greeter and stood at the door and shook the hand of everyone that arrived. Then, after the meeting, I gave a hand in the clean up. By the end of the night I felt just as much at home there as I do in my home group.

I suspect if I had just arrived, sat down and left, without making any effort to get involved, I would have felt quite lonely.