Eddiebuckle

Doll,

My first sponsor used to say "alcoholism is a disease of loneliness that we try to cure with isolation."

Alcohol was my armor, it kept the world at bay and made me feel like someone different. As I worked my program I began to recognize other ways that I kept the world at bay: perfectionism, materialism, etc. They served as my armor just as much as the alcoholic haze that preceded them.

It has taken me several years to lower the walls of my fortress and let others in. Not every person I met was worth inviting in, but most were and remain close friends. It takes time to get there, but consider that saying from my sponsor the next time you are at a meeting. Reach out and introduce yourself - you never know when you might be saving someone's life. That is the very essence of AA and how it works.

yeahgr8

There you go! I forgot to add in my post that service was a GREAT way of having to talk to people and people getting to know me. Tea making is the BEST position!

Gottalife

There was a much deeper sense of loneliness and shame that if felt in my first few weeks in AA. "Our stories disclose in a general way what we were like..."

Sure I related to the general stuff, but I did not hear the more specific, sordid, details of the way I betrayed my own values. I felt like a fraud. I felt I must be the worst case ever to come to AA and that if you knew what i was really like, you would kick me out. That's a very lonely place to be.

I found the solution both in the steps and in a good relationship with my sponsor. When I faced my defects and admitted my wrongs, I discovered that I was just a run of the mill alcoholic. The stuff I did and was having so much trouble living with, was just normal alcoholic stuff.

One of the many benefits of step five was that I lost that awful loneliness.

dollpart

Brilliant, so true.

karate

I like alone time ,My work environment is filled with people asking me questions ,getting texts ,phone calls ,lots of noise and activity .

I feel like its almost a violation of my personal space some days .
The good news is my co-workers are a good group of people I like a lot .
But there is always someone wanting something from me .

There are times I just need to step back and relax a bit ,Alone is really I can relax totally .

I do well with my wife watching a movie ,late in the night .
But she knows to let me decompress a bit when I first get home .

Whatever you need to do to fill your personal space with peace ,follow that .

Ill ask people anything , going for coffee would not offend anyone .
Ill just bet you might ask someone that wanted to as well .

Meeting after the meeting ,I think is the term .

dollpart

Gotcha karate, thanks!

karate

I hope this does not come across as a know it all , because its not .

But at this point in my life ,I don't feel I need to explain my actions to anyone -
outside of work and family .

Not angry as the previous sentence might suggest .

Some where I read "Love yourself first ". I try to do things that increase my peace .

If you like your own time ,on your own terms ,More power to ya .

dollpart

No, I was being sincere.

Yeah, I need to find some things that hep me Love Myself. Learn to like my own time, not just deceive myself i am liking the time I spend with booze.

karate

You could just ask some people to have coffee afterword .

stairs

Hi dollpart!

Getting a home group and taking commitments (coffeemaker, keyholder, speaker seeker) helped me a lot to feel more a part of things and gave me a solid reason to call people. It got me there early and staying late, getting invited to eat, getting to know people.