someonelikeyou0

Hey guys, I went to treatment in January. Stayed sober until Friday. So about 4 months. My only drug was alcohol. I stayed in Florida for 4 months to do IOP after in patient. When I finished they flew me home...a little over a week ago.

I'm really ashamed and I feel so bad about it. I don't know what to do. I'm 24. Before I came home my mom agreed to keep all the alcohol out of the house. But when I got home she didn't. And I kept asking her to please remove it because I couldn't help myself but to think about doing it. She refused. Well she went out of town on a business trip, and I drank.

Nobody knows except for one friend. But the guilt and remorse are consuming me to the point of isolation. I can either pick myself up and keep trying, or I can fly back to Florida and go back to rehab. I don't really want to go back. I don't know what to do. Looking for any advice.

Bostonsportsfan

Why did you drink?

someonelikeyou0

I was just sitting there, everything was fine, and I thought that I'm glad I'm sober but it would be nice to just have a drink. And then I talked myself into "showing myself" why that feeling was worth destroying my life over. So I permitted myself a drink and then I couldn't stop until every bottle was gone.

Dee74

Hi someonelikeyou0 - good to see you

I'm sorry you drank. Try not to beat yourself up too much - it's hard to change our lives, especially without finding support.

You could go back to rehab - but you can't live there forever right?

Maybe this is an opportunity to learn how to be sober in the real world?

Maybe this is a chance for you to learn some of the tools and approaches that some of us use to stay sober in a world of alcohol and drinkers?

D

Bostonsportsfan

It wasn't a good idea to drink considering you got home from rehab not that long ago. You should move on from it though and try not to let it bother you. Just try to stay sober moving forward.

yeahgr8

Possibly an alcoholic?!

Get to some AA meetings which will follow on from trwstment.

You did not have a solid plan of how to continue your recovery after treatment ended or else you were told how to put one in place and didnt. I did the samething, good news is you can turn itaround tiday if youwa t to:-)

someonelikeyou0

You're right. I can't live at rehab. Rehab was good for therapy, but it set up this false reality. This safe zone. And as long as I lived in that bubble, everything was gravy. As soon as I went home, and thus back into the real world, it got so hard. But there has to be a way.

Dee74

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around Someone - here's some links to some of the main players if you want to think about some options:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

aggieleigh

It's hard to quit .i had a relapse this weekend and I'm sick over it.but we just gotta pray and keep our head up and start fresh.it will be ok.

LBrain

hang in there. You thought you could try something and it didn't work. Take the learning away from this and apply it as you move forward. Now you absolutely know you can never drink again. That's it. Know this and live it.
Thanks for posting and for coming back.

resolute50

"I can either pick myself up and keep trying"

I would definitely chose this option.

tomsteve

im thinkin the experience may have been a good lesson, so stop kikin yerself in the arse:
you were able to stay sober for 4 months. you did that with support im gonna guess was from people in recovery. so maybe ya should look into finding that support where ya are now.
if ya want assistance in finding that support, let us know. theres a lot of people on here that can guide ya to it.

tomthern

Being sober is tough. It isn't the easiest path always but it is the one that gave me back my life. Being sober means that there are times that I am exposed to alcohol and I still can't drink. I know where that leads me. It leads me to a place that was dark and wrong and pretty hopeless. I thought I could get out of the I'm alcoholic thing because I was in my 20's when I got sober and I hadn't drank that long. I thought that maybe I was different but then I found out I wasn't. It opened the world that I didn't know could exist. A world that I make mistakes and bad decisions and face them. It isn't perfect but it is a life. Something I want. That's what keeps me going.

karate

Just get back up and forge on .

I relapsed a bunch

castlefan

I wouldn't go right back to rehab. I'm sorry you relapsed but you can learn from this and keep going. One slip isn't the end of the world. Just learn from it and remember what they taught you in rehab.

dollpart

Sorry to hear you replapsed.
HOw are you doing now?
Why did your mum refuse to get all the alcohol out of the house?
x

someonelikeyou0

Because she thought it was absurd that she had to be inconvenienced in her own home. She is very self-focused. Anyway, I can't stop. I went as far as extracting alcohol from hand sanitizer. I just want things to go back to the way they were.

karate

All of us here have a problem , to varying degrees
,now you know .
Not the first one

Good luck

todd6138

whats truly amazing is that you still aren't drinking. Congrats on that and jjust start building on that.

Itchy

Congrats on coming here and asking for some feedback from others like you. I keep seeing you returning to the bottle being there and your mother not getting rid of it. My wife still drinks and smokes, and we are likely a bit older than your Mom. I quit both smoking three packs a day, and drinking more than 30 units of alcohol every day 7 days a week. I got a jump start once I made my decision to live alcohol free if I could ever get detoxed safely. That was September 21, 2010. Been sober since. My wife asked if she should not drink in front of me or smoke in front of me. I told her it would be fine because if I wanted to drink or smoke, that would be my decision not hers. As well I told her she can keep her cartons of smokes and liquor ( She drinks scotch )here in the open.

You see, I chose to quit. I was not arrested and asked to do rehab as a condition of whatever. I did not have money problems or arrest records/trouble with the law. I was drinking in the mornings to stop the violent shaking, and sometimes had trouble holding that down and puked only to have to try again or be abominably ill.

I was dying. By my own hand. A slow suicide.

I decided to live. I decided if I ever managed to break free I would never drink again. Since the in hospital detox was one week I decided to quit smokes too and not waste a perfectly good detox on only one of the drugs I have let myself become addicted to for years.

I never looked back. I never forgot the wretched mornings, the helpless feeling of always promising myself I would quit tomorrow, knowing I was lying. I was disgusted that I would do anything to drink and decided if I ever broke free like you did too, I would never look back.

I made the decision for me. I quit unconditionally. It wasn't for just until I felt better health-wise. It wasn't until I was exposed to it. It wasn't dependent of my wife or family doing, or not doing something. It wasn't only as long as life was good and there was no loss, no stress, no bad people, no money life or other issues. I quit unconditionally, no unless this happens, no until I feel better or get back something.

I was not deprived, nor ever once thought that I wanted to drink but was fighting it, white knuckling it. I don't long for the days of drunken inanities thinking they were deep insights. Thinking I was the life of the party when I was the bad example everyone else could feel that they were OK being a drunk because they weren't as bad as me.

Right now, and every day since I signed out of detox, I am at home alone, retired, and my wife is at work. There is a carton or two of smokes in the cabinet, and a half gallon bottle plus several better quality bottles of Scotch in the cabinet in front of the saltines I get out often. I don't see the scotch when I move it out of the way. IO don't want to try the smokes again just to see what it is like. I know exactly what smokes and alcohol are like after a decade of over indulging them both and many more moderately [ab]using them.

I wanted out. I used SR from a few weeks after getting out and AA for three months too. I had my family's support, the support of my friends, and disconnected with my old drinking buddies. I used counseling too. But dropped all but SR within the first six months of sobriety. I am not depriving myself of alcohol, I am grateful to have escaped.

I really had everything I needed when I signed myself out of rehab alcohol free. My self respect. My sobriety WAS all about me, and no one else.

Choose for yourself today. Don't beat yourself up, because you might only drink over it some more.

Choose for life.