Mother's Milk
Little Girl Found
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: North Andover, MA
Posts: 567
Mother's Milk
Hey--I was just wondering what you guys think about this theory. I had a counselor who specialized in drug and alcohol abuse, and he asked me one time how, where, and when I liked drinking the best. This was a little before it started getting totally out of hand (for me) but it was right in the beginning stages. I thought about it, and this was when it stopped just being in bars/clubs/with other people. I honestly answered..."well I actually really like crawling into bed at night, pulling the covers over me, and drinking from the bottle (as if it were a baby's bottle)". He told me that in his experience (he's an alcoholic too) that the majority of people who become alcoholic had something in common--that they weren't breast fed as infants. He explained that he thinks a lot of alcoholics are substituting that incredible feeling of being totally safe, at peace, and feeling absolutely loved with the life-giving energy and warmth flowing from our mothers. Of course we don't remember this as babies...but I think the general instinct of "knowing" that we're being cared for and protected beyond measure is engrained in every living being. He then asked me how it made me feel to have that, although lovely, burning sensation running down my stomach. The best way I can describe it is just...aaaaaah. Ya know? So, I can definitely see a point in his theory and it makes sense to me. I know that there's a lot MORE to this disease than that...but I still think it's interesting. I wonder if there have been any studies done on that. I never really looked.
Anyways--I'm past the 12- hour mark! Yay! It's so weird to think about it in hours/minutes/seconds...but it's definitely a lot more manageable. I'm not too shakey, just feel kinda blah...and I did manage to get a few hours total of sleep last night. I had the weird dreams, but that's about it. I know that it will take a couple more days before I'm totally over it...and those past two weeks where I wasn't drinking were completely blissful. It's nice to actually have a regular sleep routine and it keeps me going looking forward to that. About the AA meetings...I know I need to just look around. But, it's really hard because like I said, I am a quiet person...I developed a defense mechanism growing up where I leared to just keep my mouth shut,especially when I was hurting or sad because those feelings weren't recognized and they weren't valid to those people that I needed the most during those times. And, that's definitely something I'm going to have to work really hard on now that I'm serious about my sobriety. Sometimes when I go to meetings I just want to spill my guts all over the place, but when I think about it...I start shaking and I withdraw because of all those years pushing my feelings down. I know I don't *have* to talk, but I also know I need the support of those people and I can't ask for that when it's hard for me to be open and honest talking to someone I hardly know. Maybe I should just lay it all out for them and be like "look...I really need you guys and if I don't talk for awhile and if I seem really disinterested, just know that that's NOT how I'm feeling. I may always have a smile on my face--which I do, but I'm totally new to becomming sober and there is a lot of hurt here..." Something like that. Yeah, maybe that will work. Hopefully it will be a small group.
Anyways--I'm past the 12- hour mark! Yay! It's so weird to think about it in hours/minutes/seconds...but it's definitely a lot more manageable. I'm not too shakey, just feel kinda blah...and I did manage to get a few hours total of sleep last night. I had the weird dreams, but that's about it. I know that it will take a couple more days before I'm totally over it...and those past two weeks where I wasn't drinking were completely blissful. It's nice to actually have a regular sleep routine and it keeps me going looking forward to that. About the AA meetings...I know I need to just look around. But, it's really hard because like I said, I am a quiet person...I developed a defense mechanism growing up where I leared to just keep my mouth shut,especially when I was hurting or sad because those feelings weren't recognized and they weren't valid to those people that I needed the most during those times. And, that's definitely something I'm going to have to work really hard on now that I'm serious about my sobriety. Sometimes when I go to meetings I just want to spill my guts all over the place, but when I think about it...I start shaking and I withdraw because of all those years pushing my feelings down. I know I don't *have* to talk, but I also know I need the support of those people and I can't ask for that when it's hard for me to be open and honest talking to someone I hardly know. Maybe I should just lay it all out for them and be like "look...I really need you guys and if I don't talk for awhile and if I seem really disinterested, just know that that's NOT how I'm feeling. I may always have a smile on my face--which I do, but I'm totally new to becomming sober and there is a lot of hurt here..." Something like that. Yeah, maybe that will work. Hopefully it will be a small group.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Squirrelly! If you like, we can move your post to argueholism. It's a fun group and I bet they would have some commentary. Such as... if your friend's theory were true, there would have been few alcoholics up until the time that the baby bottle came into common use when women joined the away-from-home workforce in droves in the 40's. And we know that ain't so.
Congrats on the 12 hours! I guess it's one minute at a time right now. Hang in!
Hugs,
Smoke
Congrats on the 12 hours! I guess it's one minute at a time right now. Hang in!
Hugs,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
I can't stand it any longer. I wasn't going to come here, but I'm boiling with a mixture of belly laughs and anger. That counselor fed you a load of pure bullsh!t Danielle. What a farce. Alcoholics abuse alcohol for myriad reasons. I've yet to see a corelation with breast feeding. What a load of crap. I bet I ask 25 alcoholics tonight at a meeting if they think this issue might have influenced wether they became alcoholics or not, and I'll be laughed out of the room! Dumb ass, dilletante counselor with nothing better to do than to perpetuate myths.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Life Is Short
Posts: 2,017
Hi Danielle, I hope you're feeling better today.
Dan I have to agree with you here. Phew to that because I was starting to think, oh noooooo I didn't nurse my kids...I wonder if it's to late to do that with them now, LOL. Ok now kids this is for your own good, mommy didn't breast feed you as babies, so bear with me. Trust me this is for your own good. (kids 24 and 22) YIKES.
Sorry not being a smarta$$ here, but, just when you thought you heard it all..shrugs.
Dan I have to agree with you here. Phew to that because I was starting to think, oh noooooo I didn't nurse my kids...I wonder if it's to late to do that with them now, LOL. Ok now kids this is for your own good, mommy didn't breast feed you as babies, so bear with me. Trust me this is for your own good. (kids 24 and 22) YIKES.
Sorry not being a smarta$$ here, but, just when you thought you heard it all..shrugs.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
I wonder if it's to late to do that with them now, LOL.
This just proves that ALL of the reason's piled one on top of the other don't amount to a thing!
"Excuses are like..." oh I think you all know the rest.
JT
Little Girl Found
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: North Andover, MA
Posts: 567
Whoa! Well, yeah thanks for everyone's honest opinions (Dan) I didn't intend to create quite the stir. :wink1:
I'm "new" to this whole thing, like I said before--I didn't start abusing alcohol until about 4 years ago, then it became really bad within the past year. So, I don't have a whole ton of experience under my belt as far as addictions go. I haven't even tried any other drugs besides pot and that didn't "do" much for me except make me sleep. But I've always been one to explore different theories, opinions, etc even the ones that sound really crazy that try to explain something. One of my friends nicknamed me Questioning Daniellie in a story that she wrote a while ago. But you know...I think that the answer is there and I intuitively know what it is. I just need to learn to trust myself a little more.
I didn't intend to create quite the stir. :wink1: I'm "new" to this whole thing, like I said before--I didn't start abusing alcohol until about 4 years ago, then it became really bad within the past year. So, I don't have a whole ton of experience under my belt as far as addictions go. I haven't even tried any other drugs besides pot and that didn't "do" much for me except make me sleep. But I've always been one to explore different theories, opinions, etc even the ones that sound really crazy that try to explain something. One of my friends nicknamed me Questioning Daniellie in a story that she wrote a while ago. But you know...I think that the answer is there and I intuitively know what it is. I just need to learn to trust myself a little more.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
And the more you trust yourself Danielle, and that you can absolutely get through a succession of 24's without alcohol, the more freedom you'll feel in your heart and soul. And as you well know, it's starts today. Just for today, I will not drink any alcohol.My apologies to your counselor
Not!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Not sure where this thread is going, but I want to add my two cents... 
There are many contributing factors when it comes to our addictions and why we have them.
I personally was fascinated with the analogy of Danielle's Counselor.
I also find myself fighting the resentment that wells up inside of me when I remember that women were convinced that Formula was a good substitute for breast milk. It was Patriarchal move for big business and corporations.
I was not breast fed, and honestly I think I missed out on some bonding with my mother...but oh well on the scale of things it is a minor set-back in my recovery.
My father is an identical twin, he was not gettin' enough milk and was subsequently farmed out to the next door neighbor woman.
I wonder if having two sources of breastmilk contributed to his alcohol abuse??
Who Knows....
But it is interesting trying to figure it all out.
There are many contributing factors when it comes to our addictions and why we have them.
I personally was fascinated with the analogy of Danielle's Counselor.
I also find myself fighting the resentment that wells up inside of me when I remember that women were convinced that Formula was a good substitute for breast milk. It was Patriarchal move for big business and corporations.
I was not breast fed, and honestly I think I missed out on some bonding with my mother...but oh well on the scale of things it is a minor set-back in my recovery.
My father is an identical twin, he was not gettin' enough milk and was subsequently farmed out to the next door neighbor woman.
I wonder if having two sources of breastmilk contributed to his alcohol abuse??
Who Knows....
But it is interesting trying to figure it all out.Little Girl Found
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: North Andover, MA
Posts: 567
Hey Kellie--thanks for your reply.
I didn't mean this to be just another "one of those things" that we could lay blame on so we don't take responsibilty for our own actions. Because...yes...in the end it really only comes down to US and how we choose to live our lives. I guess I'm also curious as to HOW we got to this point. I mean, the direction and path that ultimately ended us up in these predicaments. Does that really matter? No...I suppose not because only the here and now is the thing that really truly exists. I dunno...I'm sort of on this spiritual journey as well. I wish that I were the more like "enlightened" ones i.e. Jesus Christ, Buddha, Ghandi, Mother Theresa...etc. etc. They seemed to "get it" as far as how to live life in general.
I mean, I've heard about how people that become alcoholic are PHYSICALLY built that way to begin with. Mainly, it's how their bodies process sugar--which differs for whatever genetic reasons. But, that doesn't explain other drugs that aren't sugar-based.
Like I said before--does that really matter? It may give some comfort in knowing that maybe you were "born" to be this way and the environmental aspects that came into play just exasterbated that situation. But, here we are RIGHT NOW at any rate. And, that's the only thing we have control over.
Funny how my mind works things out.
I didn't mean this to be just another "one of those things" that we could lay blame on so we don't take responsibilty for our own actions. Because...yes...in the end it really only comes down to US and how we choose to live our lives. I guess I'm also curious as to HOW we got to this point. I mean, the direction and path that ultimately ended us up in these predicaments. Does that really matter? No...I suppose not because only the here and now is the thing that really truly exists. I dunno...I'm sort of on this spiritual journey as well. I wish that I were the more like "enlightened" ones i.e. Jesus Christ, Buddha, Ghandi, Mother Theresa...etc. etc. They seemed to "get it" as far as how to live life in general.
I mean, I've heard about how people that become alcoholic are PHYSICALLY built that way to begin with. Mainly, it's how their bodies process sugar--which differs for whatever genetic reasons. But, that doesn't explain other drugs that aren't sugar-based.
Like I said before--does that really matter? It may give some comfort in knowing that maybe you were "born" to be this way and the environmental aspects that came into play just exasterbated that situation. But, here we are RIGHT NOW at any rate. And, that's the only thing we have control over.
Funny how my mind works things out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Oh you got that right girl....
When I try to figure out all the reason's I became an addict to alcohol, it makes me head swim with all sorts of craziness.
Hereditary (no doubt about that) enviromental (no doubt about that)
poor coping skills, prone to depression and manic behavior, yep all of the above and then some... did I mention that my mom did not breast feed me?
Love you Danielle...
When I try to figure out all the reason's I became an addict to alcohol, it makes me head swim with all sorts of craziness.
Hereditary (no doubt about that) enviromental (no doubt about that)
poor coping skills, prone to depression and manic behavior, yep all of the above and then some... did I mention that my mom did not breast feed me?
Love you Danielle...
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