Relapse, restart, rebuild
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 120
Relapse, restart, rebuild
No real questions this time, just a checkin. I've posted a few times on here about my ongoing struggles to quit drinking, it's effect on my relationship with my wife and career and so on, so I thought I'd write down what's going on, partly to organize my own thoughts.
Firstly, I had a big relapse around the beginning of the month. One phrase that stuck with me from a previous thread debating whether I should go to an event with the potential for heavy drinking was "go to the barber enough and eventually you'll get a haircut." Well, I had successfully gone to the barber a few times without issue, but sure enough, I found myself getting a trim. I went to an event with heavy drinking (a sporting event), had "just one", then had "the rest". Worse, my actions that night endangered others in a way that I had never done even at the lowest point of my drinking career.
I have found an AA meeting near my office. I have recommitted to complete abstinence. I'm avoiding situations like the one I mentioned above. In many ways, I am kind of back to square one - starting over.
The relationship with the wife has steadily been improving, to the point where she randomly remarks on how much things have improved. As my alcoholism progressed I became an angry drunk, and when I quit, the anger and frustration only increased as I realized what I had done to my life. It was often directed at whoever was closest, which usually was my wife. I finally realized how I was behaving and started putting in a conscious effort to express what bothers me without anger, and it's had a hugely positive effect. How is it that I'm only figuring this out now?
Lastly, I am finally quitting smoking. Doing that without removing the head of anybody who crosses my path will be an achievement
- it's incredible how irritable nicotine withdrawal can make you. Still, I'll be happy to be free of it - 3 days off it as of now.
Only 90 minutes to go until my lunchtime AA meeting.
Firstly, I had a big relapse around the beginning of the month. One phrase that stuck with me from a previous thread debating whether I should go to an event with the potential for heavy drinking was "go to the barber enough and eventually you'll get a haircut." Well, I had successfully gone to the barber a few times without issue, but sure enough, I found myself getting a trim. I went to an event with heavy drinking (a sporting event), had "just one", then had "the rest". Worse, my actions that night endangered others in a way that I had never done even at the lowest point of my drinking career.
I have found an AA meeting near my office. I have recommitted to complete abstinence. I'm avoiding situations like the one I mentioned above. In many ways, I am kind of back to square one - starting over.
The relationship with the wife has steadily been improving, to the point where she randomly remarks on how much things have improved. As my alcoholism progressed I became an angry drunk, and when I quit, the anger and frustration only increased as I realized what I had done to my life. It was often directed at whoever was closest, which usually was my wife. I finally realized how I was behaving and started putting in a conscious effort to express what bothers me without anger, and it's had a hugely positive effect. How is it that I'm only figuring this out now?
Lastly, I am finally quitting smoking. Doing that without removing the head of anybody who crosses my path will be an achievement
- it's incredible how irritable nicotine withdrawal can make you. Still, I'll be happy to be free of it - 3 days off it as of now.Only 90 minutes to go until my lunchtime AA meeting.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Hey there..just wanted to say "hello". I appreciate your post. I too have a need to return to improving my life...rather than wasting it. I think I got tired of "being in recovery"...somehow, some way I just want to figure out how to live my life with courage.
I'm not drinking today. I think I can do that.
I'm not drinking today. I think I can do that.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 1,506
Originally Posted by newwestdork 
No real questions this time, just a checkin. I've posted a few times on here about my ongoing struggles to quit drinking, it's effect on my relationship with my wife and career and so on, so I thought I'd write down what's going on, partly to organize my own thoughts.
Firstly, I had a big relapse around the beginning of the month. One phrase that stuck with me from a previous thread debating whether I should go to an event with the potential for heavy drinking was "go to the barber enough and eventually you'll get a haircut." Well, I had successfully gone to the barber a few times without issue, but sure enough, I found myself getting a trim. I went to an event with heavy drinking (a sporting event), had "just one", then had "the rest". Worse, my actions that night endangered others in a way that I had never done even at the lowest point of my drinking career.
I have found an AA meeting near my office. I have recommitted to complete abstinence. I'm avoiding situations like the one I mentioned above. In many ways, I am kind of back to square one - starting over.
The relationship with the wife has steadily been improving, to the point where she randomly remarks on how much things have improved. As my alcoholism progressed I became an angry drunk, and when I quit, the anger and frustration only increased as I realized what I had done to my life. It was often directed at whoever was closest, which usually was my wife. I finally realized how I was behaving and started putting in a conscious effort to express what bothers me without anger, and it's had a hugely positive effect. How is it that I'm only figuring this out now?
Lastly, I am finally quitting smoking. Doing that without removing the head of anybody who crosses my path will be an achievement - it's incredible how irritable nicotine withdrawal can make you. Still, I'll be happy to be free of it - 3 days off it as of now.
Only 90 minutes to go until my lunchtime AA meeting.
Firstly, I had a big relapse around the beginning of the month. One phrase that stuck with me from a previous thread debating whether I should go to an event with the potential for heavy drinking was "go to the barber enough and eventually you'll get a haircut." Well, I had successfully gone to the barber a few times without issue, but sure enough, I found myself getting a trim. I went to an event with heavy drinking (a sporting event), had "just one", then had "the rest". Worse, my actions that night endangered others in a way that I had never done even at the lowest point of my drinking career.
I have found an AA meeting near my office. I have recommitted to complete abstinence. I'm avoiding situations like the one I mentioned above. In many ways, I am kind of back to square one - starting over.
The relationship with the wife has steadily been improving, to the point where she randomly remarks on how much things have improved. As my alcoholism progressed I became an angry drunk, and when I quit, the anger and frustration only increased as I realized what I had done to my life. It was often directed at whoever was closest, which usually was my wife. I finally realized how I was behaving and started putting in a conscious effort to express what bothers me without anger, and it's had a hugely positive effect. How is it that I'm only figuring this out now?
Lastly, I am finally quitting smoking. Doing that without removing the head of anybody who crosses my path will be an achievement
- it's incredible how irritable nicotine withdrawal can make you. Still, I'll be happy to be free of it - 3 days off it as of now.Only 90 minutes to go until my lunchtime AA meeting.
Good luck NewWest, keep posting my friend.
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