Quiet...but still around...
 

Hey all...I'm still here. I'm not posting that much because I'm all wallowing in self-pity and remorse.
I'm not going into detail what's been happening for the past week or so...but it isn't pretty. I'm sure you all know what I mean.
Yes, I have a disease and yes it's progressive, but I also know that I'm making poor decisions that I *do* have control over. My life is turning around...and I'm so mad at myself for letting this get out of hand again. I purposely went to a "place" where I knew that I could easily get sucked back into drinking. I don't know if I have to finally either end up dead, in jail or an institution before I TRULY realize where this will take me. I know I don't want that to happen, but I know that it eventually will if I don't stop this now!!!
The physical withdrawals I know won't be deadly...I just know that it will take a couple days of me being slightly shakey and not being able to sleep before they subside.
I think that maybe deep down I feel like I don't deserve good things to happen to me, and that (unlike anything bad) is what triggers me into drinking. It's so ridiculous!
Ugh...oh, and by the way...I've been to many different AA meetings but I've never found one that I've been completely comfortable at. But, I'm sure that has a lot to do with my insecurities...and people (in my experience) have labeled me a "stuck up snob" because I'm quiet. And good-looking. :rolleyes2 Hey, at least I can admit it. :)
Anyways...I really like it here because I can express myself a lot better--I think I've mentioned that before. I just need your guy's prayers sent my way, because I would like to totally detox myself over the weekend...seeing as it's going to be a long one and I don't have to work.
Here I go again! Honestly...I'm pretty tired of this game. I don't want to play anymore. So, I forefit.

Danielle

Good to hear from you Danielle.

I am sorry you do not feel comfortable at an AA meeting but if you keep looking I am sure you can find one that suits you.Just remember to stay openminded.

I know this upcoming weekend may be hard for you but when everything we know about recovery doesn't seem to be working sometimes the only thing we can do is hang on with the cold hard determination to NOT DRINK NO MATTER WHAT.

You will get through this.Keep in touch.

(((((((((((DANIELLE)))))))))))))
C'MON GIRL WE NEED YOU HERE,I MISS YOU BEING AROUND.YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO AS FAR AS JAILS OR INSTITUTIONS.SOUNDS TO ME YOU ARE READY,GIVEN THE FACT YOU FEEL GUILTY AND REMORSEFUL.I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AROUND HERE,
YOU CAN HELP ME.
LORD KNOWS I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET.
.............LOVE YA DANIELLE......ted :grouphug: :wavey: :tool:

(((Danielle))) you sound like a pretty secure gal to me, you're honesty comes through and through, remorse, well that comes with this lovely disease we've been blessed with. No point in ripping yourself apart with it, just work harder on figuring this out, and do whatever takes to help yourself.

I tell you if I get to do this game again, and if by chance I'm in the alkie line up, I'm gonna jump real fast out of it, and grab you all and pull me over to a better place. WHAT WERE WE THINKING. :laugh2:

All I can tell you is the sooner you get back on track the better, yepper it's progressive beyond belief, and the longer you continue the harder it will be to stop, it turns into one h3ll of a job. I know what hard work is all about, but lordy this job, it's never ending, but we both know the rewards of the FREEDOM of it.

You don't have to play it anymore :hug:

Sending you my love, extra hugs, and lots of prayers Danielle.....Denise

Ted...
You have got to be one of the sweetest guys in the world! I know that you pretty much just got back from a two-week bender...but, luckily I'm not drinking a 1/2 gallon of whiskey a day. I think I would seriously die!!! But, I also know that it could (and WOULD) eventually come to that point. But, I want to help you. And, like I said...I'm sticking around until I get this right. One day at a time.
Peter...
Wow, you're one of the people I seriously look up to here too, because you've been sober for so long and because you live in Jamaica, where all I could even think about would be something frosty, rumm-y and coconut-y--every day. ALL day long. :)
This place has seriously been a God-send. It hurts a lot sometimes that I know my HP is sending me in the right direction, yet I always make a U-Turn. Whatever. Just get over myself, right?

You guys are the bestest!

Danielle

No. Say checkmate instead. We don't let the disease win. We find a way to beat it.
Welcome back:hug:

Thanks Denise...I'll gladly go along with you--up and out of this alkie line-up. For good. :)

Love ya lots!
Danielle

[QUOTE]up and out of this alkie line-up. For good[/QOUTE]
Good for you Danielle!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank each and every one of you.
I'm going to need A LOT of help this weekend. But, I'm doing this alone...I mean, as far as detoxing myself. I'll probably be on and off here this weekend, but I'm not going to do a lot of writing. I can already feel the sickness comming on...and I know that I won't be up to it.
I know that I'll be okay...but I just wanted to let everyone know that I'll be thinking about all of you.
I need to kick this thing in the arse...and I'm so glad that I found somewhere that I can vent and just be my gosh-darn b*tchy self!!! And, that's exactly how I'm feeling. Sucks having a nautious stomach. Blaaaaah.

Danielle