Desire to socialise has gone out of the window!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 32
Desire to socialise has gone out of the window!
I used to be a social drinker, only drinking when out with friends, but usually heavily to the point of blackouts, crying in corners, staying out partying all night and being a wreck the next day, and generally have no off button! I always used to have serious FOMO (fear of missing out!) and would always be the last to leave a party, even if that meant going home the following afternoon after no sleep, no food and still in last night's clothes!
Any social event that centred around drinking - I was there! However, having given up drinking 2 months ago at the age of 36 after finally realising I had a problem with binge drinking, my desire to meet up with friends in bars or pubs has completely vanished. The prospect of standing around sipping on a soft drink for hours whilst my friends all get loud and drunk fills me with boredom and I now actively decline social invitations to avoid such situations.
I now far enjoy other social activities that aren't focussed solely on drinking, and am finding my life outside work is much more fun and varied than before, but my social circle is dwindling as I'm not seeing my "drinking buddies" any more. It's funny when it dawns on you that some friends you only see when you're both drunk at a party and actually, once you take away the booze, you have nothing in common and you have no reason to contact each other whatsoever!
I'm supposed to be going to a birthday party tonight at a local wine bar and I know loads of my friends will be going, but I've declined in favour of going to a pump class at my gym - something a few months' ago wouldn't even have registered on my radar but now is something I'd actually rather do!!
Has anyone else noticed this shift in social life, or felt bored by the thought of going to meet friends in a pub? Perhaps it's just part of growing up (and growing sober!) that the things we once thought were so amazing, wild and fun now seem pretty dull and pointless?!
2 months sober and the happiest I've been in many, many years (although I'm now addicted to chocolate.... another craving I'll need to try and quit!!).
Any social event that centred around drinking - I was there! However, having given up drinking 2 months ago at the age of 36 after finally realising I had a problem with binge drinking, my desire to meet up with friends in bars or pubs has completely vanished. The prospect of standing around sipping on a soft drink for hours whilst my friends all get loud and drunk fills me with boredom and I now actively decline social invitations to avoid such situations.
I now far enjoy other social activities that aren't focussed solely on drinking, and am finding my life outside work is much more fun and varied than before, but my social circle is dwindling as I'm not seeing my "drinking buddies" any more. It's funny when it dawns on you that some friends you only see when you're both drunk at a party and actually, once you take away the booze, you have nothing in common and you have no reason to contact each other whatsoever!
I'm supposed to be going to a birthday party tonight at a local wine bar and I know loads of my friends will be going, but I've declined in favour of going to a pump class at my gym - something a few months' ago wouldn't even have registered on my radar but now is something I'd actually rather do!!
Has anyone else noticed this shift in social life, or felt bored by the thought of going to meet friends in a pub? Perhaps it's just part of growing up (and growing sober!) that the things we once thought were so amazing, wild and fun now seem pretty dull and pointless?!
2 months sober and the happiest I've been in many, many years (although I'm now addicted to chocolate.... another craving I'll need to try and quit!!).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
That's excellent. Congratulations on two months.
You're right, it's not much fun watching a bunch of people get drunk.
The way I drank, I started before the event just to kick things in. I like to say I went to a party and didn't leave for thirty years. And I was the life of the party, until I ruined it.
Whew! Glad those days are gone and I hope they are for you as well.
Best to you.
You're right, it's not much fun watching a bunch of people get drunk.
The way I drank, I started before the event just to kick things in. I like to say I went to a party and didn't leave for thirty years. And I was the life of the party, until I ruined it.
Whew! Glad those days are gone and I hope they are for you as well.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Chocolate. I can quit any time I want.
I only have time for a very few actual friends. I like quiet time a lot.
I only have time for a very few actual friends. I like quiet time a lot.
Nicecupotea, To me, what you are experiencing is not unusual. You are still in a kind of self-preservation mode of living. Eventually you will able to hang out with old friends and not be so preoccupied with the alcohol. Just give it time. Don't rush it. If they are true friends they'll understand. Work on setting up group activities that don't involve drinking. Make them come to you for some sober fun.
Congrats on your time and going to the gym instead of the party.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
I found spending more time with healthy people ,to help me .
Boxing Gym helps me a lot
Professional fighters don't drink ,any , or VERY little .
On the candy - eat all you want and STILL not wreck your car ,end up with a failed liver ,jail ,ect .
Boxing Gym helps me a lot
Professional fighters don't drink ,any , or VERY little .
On the candy - eat all you want and STILL not wreck your car ,end up with a failed liver ,jail ,ect .
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 61
I used to go to bars a lot with the intention of getting drunk and having a "good time" (or what I thought was a good time). Now that I dont drink the thought of standing around in bar sipping coke doesnt appeal to me, so I just dont go.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
A Temporary Snub To The Pub
Nicecupoftea ~
Boy, a daunting challenge ahead. But, it's successfully been tackled before.
I've bopped around your Fair Area, and Scotland, many times. I've quietly empathized with some Members on here based in the U.K.. Drinking is SO socially ingrained. Some old saying [paraphrased] about how 'A Gentleman should not have to walk more than a Block without passing a Pub' comes to mind.
As is widely commiserated in Posts here, I'd think you'd have to focus on new Gym and other Mates, and put the Drinking Mates on 'hold'. Those Mates who understand will still look you up if/when you pass the initial hurdles that are too tempting, or too much work to endure. I now pick and choose my filtered situations w/o regrets. For me, this mental illusion that I might some day more often return to those Pub settings prevents me from unnecessarily facing the false obstacle of thinking I have to slam the Door today on Pub Pals. I don't. I've just put this obstacle on temporary 'hold'. This change likely will become permanent for me, but not in every single case.
After 3+ months Sober, I now can go into a Bar famed for Chicken Wings and have no desire to order up. It's Lemonade for me. Groups of Folks, where I'm the 'odd Man out', are more challenging, but getting easier.
You got smart a good ~2.5 Decades before I did. Good on ya! IF you want to, you can plan to circle back around some future day for a Pub Meal sans the Pint. For now, take whatever steps get you to where you want to be. Skip the other Social Baggage. You'll develop your 'new normal' soon enough.
Some Scottish Pals have gone Sober, and have no 2nd thoughts about going back to their old ways. They simply don't miss it. First, you have to live the new Life for a comparison/standard against which to not miss the prior Life. All that's 'gone out the Window' is the old way of Socializing.
Boy, a daunting challenge ahead. But, it's successfully been tackled before.
I've bopped around your Fair Area, and Scotland, many times. I've quietly empathized with some Members on here based in the U.K.. Drinking is SO socially ingrained. Some old saying [paraphrased] about how 'A Gentleman should not have to walk more than a Block without passing a Pub' comes to mind.
As is widely commiserated in Posts here, I'd think you'd have to focus on new Gym and other Mates, and put the Drinking Mates on 'hold'. Those Mates who understand will still look you up if/when you pass the initial hurdles that are too tempting, or too much work to endure. I now pick and choose my filtered situations w/o regrets. For me, this mental illusion that I might some day more often return to those Pub settings prevents me from unnecessarily facing the false obstacle of thinking I have to slam the Door today on Pub Pals. I don't. I've just put this obstacle on temporary 'hold'. This change likely will become permanent for me, but not in every single case.
After 3+ months Sober, I now can go into a Bar famed for Chicken Wings and have no desire to order up. It's Lemonade for me. Groups of Folks, where I'm the 'odd Man out', are more challenging, but getting easier.
You got smart a good ~2.5 Decades before I did. Good on ya! IF you want to, you can plan to circle back around some future day for a Pub Meal sans the Pint. For now, take whatever steps get you to where you want to be. Skip the other Social Baggage. You'll develop your 'new normal' soon enough.
Some Scottish Pals have gone Sober, and have no 2nd thoughts about going back to their old ways. They simply don't miss it. First, you have to live the new Life for a comparison/standard against which to not miss the prior Life. All that's 'gone out the Window' is the old way of Socializing.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
Hey nicecupoftea 
yeah as I changed my priorities and ideas about things changed too.
I was a very insecure person - so being around others was important to me - thats where I got my validation. I had serious FOMO too.
Even after I became a solitary drinker, I used to wish for the phone to ring, someone inviting me out or round for drinks...
I enjoy my own company now - I enjoy other people's company too but there's no driving need there tho - and no desire to be at a bar or a beer fest at all
it's a lot quieter - but a lot better too
D
yeah as I changed my priorities and ideas about things changed too.
I was a very insecure person - so being around others was important to me - thats where I got my validation. I had serious FOMO too.
Even after I became a solitary drinker, I used to wish for the phone to ring, someone inviting me out or round for drinks...
I enjoy my own company now - I enjoy other people's company too but there's no driving need there tho - and no desire to be at a bar or a beer fest at all
it's a lot quieter - but a lot better too
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Nicecupoftea
Hi! Like you, I'm two months sober. I, too, am experiencing growing pains as my focus changes from alcohol fueled gatherings to non-drinking interests. It's a relief for my choices to be less motivated by fomo and instead fueled by what's a good fit for me. There are people who I used to like who I now find boring, and some who I even find to be triggering. I don't have the answer, just wanted to let you know I'm going through the same thing.
Hi! Like you, I'm two months sober. I, too, am experiencing growing pains as my focus changes from alcohol fueled gatherings to non-drinking interests. It's a relief for my choices to be less motivated by fomo and instead fueled by what's a good fit for me. There are people who I used to like who I now find boring, and some who I even find to be triggering. I don't have the answer, just wanted to let you know I'm going through the same thing.
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