Two years, quitting again, realizations...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 12
Two years, quitting again, realizations...
Hello folks, as you can see, I joined these forums way back in 2012. It's hard to believe it's been that long.
A brief history:
At the age of 26, I decided it was time to quit drinking completely. I made it two months.
I quit my job, went back to school, and moved into a new place. I made it two weeks, and the stress killed me. I broke down, and started drinking again, then quit again, then drank again, quit again, and so on. However, I didn't get s-faced, but regularly got a buzz going.
Over the past 4 months, the light-moderate drinking has turned into heavier drinking. I kept telling myself, "You're going to quit today." Today never came.
Somehow, I am going to end up with a 3.8 GPA this semester (Finals next week!) in a very challenging Computer Science degree program. This is all with almost daily hangovers, taking 17 credit hours, and working 20-25 hours a week. The one test I bombed? It was because I had a wicked hangover and made a D. Alcohol turned my 4.0 into a 3.8.
Well, today finally came three days ago, the day after Easter Sunday. What prompted this? My stepfather. I respect the man greatly. He's no Einstein, but the man has worked hard every day of his life and makes a good living.
On Sunday, I found out he was suspended from his very well paying job for failing a drug test (weed), and getting a DUI. He has now admitted he is an alcoholic (I didn't know; he works out of state), and has now been sober for three weeks. He admitted to me that it was something he has wanted to do for a long time. He had quit drinking liquor, but was still going through 3 cases a week of beer, and, at 50 years old, his body was telling him to stop.
Something really touched me...
On my way home, I made my usual stop at the convenience store where everyone knows me. I bought one of my favorite beers and a pack of cigars. The cashier gave me a hard time, as usual. After I paid, I looked down at the counter. Without even thinking, I grabbed the cigars, took one out of the pack, and told the cashier to "Throw the rest away. This is my last one."
"You're sure?"
I nodded, left, drove home, and enjoyed my last beer and smoke on my back porch.
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With that long story, I can't say I do not want a drink at the moment. I do. I'm stressed out, and it will make me not stressed, temporarily. I want to smoke, also.
I've read in these forums from people more experienced than I that there are often underlying problems that make us want to drink. We drink to hide these problems. I always thought, "Nah, I just like to drink." The stupid thing is that the underlying problem has been dangling in front of my face since high school, but I was too (socially) dumb to see it.
I've been obsessing over a girl recently, and, after trying way too hard to impress her, she blew me off. I was really upset. I started thinking about all the girls I had been majorly interested in over the years that rejected me, and WHY I was so into them. I made a list, starting with the most recent girl. I wrote out what I liked about her. To be a honest guy, I found two things:
1. Her butt.
2. Her eyes.
I made another list about why she was so great. That list was empty. Girl #2.
1. Her butt.
2. Her eyes. (Blue!)
Why was she special? Empty. Girl #3...
I'll let you figure out the list for girl 3.
The answer was there. I haven't had any lasting relationships, male or female, in my life. Other than my family, there isn't a single person I keep in touch with from high school, no relationships longer than 1-2 months... Nothing. I obsess over girls that I'm only physically attracted to, get a case of one-itis, get rejected, then drink. I have no friends to call up to do random things, so I stay home and drink. It makes me forget about my (lack of a) social life.
My drinking problem has only been around for 7 years. This other problem is 15 years old...
A brief history:
At the age of 26, I decided it was time to quit drinking completely. I made it two months.
I quit my job, went back to school, and moved into a new place. I made it two weeks, and the stress killed me. I broke down, and started drinking again, then quit again, then drank again, quit again, and so on. However, I didn't get s-faced, but regularly got a buzz going.
Over the past 4 months, the light-moderate drinking has turned into heavier drinking. I kept telling myself, "You're going to quit today." Today never came.
Somehow, I am going to end up with a 3.8 GPA this semester (Finals next week!) in a very challenging Computer Science degree program. This is all with almost daily hangovers, taking 17 credit hours, and working 20-25 hours a week. The one test I bombed? It was because I had a wicked hangover and made a D. Alcohol turned my 4.0 into a 3.8.
Well, today finally came three days ago, the day after Easter Sunday. What prompted this? My stepfather. I respect the man greatly. He's no Einstein, but the man has worked hard every day of his life and makes a good living.
On Sunday, I found out he was suspended from his very well paying job for failing a drug test (weed), and getting a DUI. He has now admitted he is an alcoholic (I didn't know; he works out of state), and has now been sober for three weeks. He admitted to me that it was something he has wanted to do for a long time. He had quit drinking liquor, but was still going through 3 cases a week of beer, and, at 50 years old, his body was telling him to stop.
Something really touched me...
On my way home, I made my usual stop at the convenience store where everyone knows me. I bought one of my favorite beers and a pack of cigars. The cashier gave me a hard time, as usual. After I paid, I looked down at the counter. Without even thinking, I grabbed the cigars, took one out of the pack, and told the cashier to "Throw the rest away. This is my last one."
"You're sure?"
I nodded, left, drove home, and enjoyed my last beer and smoke on my back porch.
==================================================
==================================================
With that long story, I can't say I do not want a drink at the moment. I do. I'm stressed out, and it will make me not stressed, temporarily. I want to smoke, also.
I've read in these forums from people more experienced than I that there are often underlying problems that make us want to drink. We drink to hide these problems. I always thought, "Nah, I just like to drink." The stupid thing is that the underlying problem has been dangling in front of my face since high school, but I was too (socially) dumb to see it.
I've been obsessing over a girl recently, and, after trying way too hard to impress her, she blew me off. I was really upset. I started thinking about all the girls I had been majorly interested in over the years that rejected me, and WHY I was so into them. I made a list, starting with the most recent girl. I wrote out what I liked about her. To be a honest guy, I found two things:
1. Her butt.
2. Her eyes.
I made another list about why she was so great. That list was empty. Girl #2.
1. Her butt.
2. Her eyes. (Blue!)
Why was she special? Empty. Girl #3...
I'll let you figure out the list for girl 3.
The answer was there. I haven't had any lasting relationships, male or female, in my life. Other than my family, there isn't a single person I keep in touch with from high school, no relationships longer than 1-2 months... Nothing. I obsess over girls that I'm only physically attracted to, get a case of one-itis, get rejected, then drink. I have no friends to call up to do random things, so I stay home and drink. It makes me forget about my (lack of a) social life.
My drinking problem has only been around for 7 years. This other problem is 15 years old...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: California
Posts: 195
I've never had the dating problem you describe but it's admirable that you have noticed it in yourself. 
There is something to be said about not pursuing "romantic" interests until you have a hold on sobriety. Once you get that under control maybe you could focus on only pursuing girls with similar interests instead of ONLY attraction. Women know when a guy only wants sex instead of them as a person and that means a lot of rejection which would cycle back to drinking for you. :-/
There is something to be said about not pursuing "romantic" interests until you have a hold on sobriety. Once you get that under control maybe you could focus on only pursuing girls with similar interests instead of ONLY attraction. Women know when a guy only wants sex instead of them as a person and that means a lot of rejection which would cycle back to drinking for you. :-/
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hi AngryGuy
you're what? 26?
Why not take a few months to work on yourself and your recovery - discover who the *real* Angry Guy is.
If you can do that, I reckon you'll work out a slightly longer list for the type of girl you're looking for
D
you're what? 26?
Why not take a few months to work on yourself and your recovery - discover who the *real* Angry Guy is.
If you can do that, I reckon you'll work out a slightly longer list for the type of girl you're looking for
D
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Angry Guy, you've got a lot going for you if you can accept that you can never drink again. That's a big hurdle though; I can't say I've really accepted it either, but I've gone over 2 years and can honestly say I would be horrified to go back to the way I was when drinking.
If you can stay sober for years rather than months, your outlook and attitude will change.
Make the effort to join something that gets you out of the house, whether service work, or a non-drinking focused social club. AA might be a good start if you find it suitable because the 12 step challenges you to take action.
I bet you know what you need to do. Convince yourself that it's necessary for your future happiness.
If you can stay sober for years rather than months, your outlook and attitude will change.
Make the effort to join something that gets you out of the house, whether service work, or a non-drinking focused social club. AA might be a good start if you find it suitable because the 12 step challenges you to take action.
I bet you know what you need to do. Convince yourself that it's necessary for your future happiness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi AngryGuy
you're what? 26?
Why not take a few months to work on yourself and your recovery - discover who the *real* Angry Guy is.
If you can do that, I reckon you'll work out a slightly longer list for the type of girl you're looking for
D
you're what? 26?
Why not take a few months to work on yourself and your recovery - discover who the *real* Angry Guy is.
If you can do that, I reckon you'll work out a slightly longer list for the type of girl you're looking for
D
I think I'm getting a small grip on that, and it was what prompted me to do this self reflection. As I've progressed through college, I've realized I go nuts without something challenging, and I love intellectual conversation. The folks in retail I worked with for years and years simply can't hold a conversation, and I've begun to make a few friends in school with similar interests. It's up to me to try to grow those relationships.
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
Hi Angry Guy, you've got a lot going for you if you can accept that you can never drink again. That's a big hurdle though; I can't say I've really accepted it either, but I've gone over 2 years and can honestly say I would be horrified to go back to the way I was when drinking.
If you can stay sober for years rather than months, your outlook and attitude will change.
Make the effort to join something that gets you out of the house, whether service work, or a non-drinking focused social club. AA might be a good start if you find it suitable because the 12 step challenges you to take action
If you can stay sober for years rather than months, your outlook and attitude will change.
Make the effort to join something that gets you out of the house, whether service work, or a non-drinking focused social club. AA might be a good start if you find it suitable because the 12 step challenges you to take action
Originally Posted by Hearts
I've never had the dating problem you describe but it's admirable that you have noticed it in yourself. There is something to be said about not pursuing "romantic" interests until you have a hold on sobriety. Once you get that under control maybe you could focus on only pursuing girls with similar interests instead of ONLY attraction. Women know when a guy only wants sex instead of them as a person and that means a lot of rejection which would cycle back to drinking for you. :-/
There is something to be said about not pursuing "romantic" interests until you have a hold on sobriety. Once you get that under control maybe you could focus on only pursuing girls with similar interests instead of ONLY attraction. Women know when a guy only wants sex instead of them as a person and that means a lot of rejection which would cycle back to drinking for you. :-/Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. I had my opinions on AA as well so I continued to suffer because of my ignorance and "I'll fix it myself" attitude. Well in spite of my self will I was convinced to investigate how millions were getting sober and I wasn't. After accepting certain facts I was able to get sober using the program As it's laid out.
BE WELL
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I've realized I go nuts without something challenging, and I love intellectual conversation.
Your talk about rejection is a big one feeling rejected is awful on the mind it makesou feel so crummy after a while. For me I've had to learn how to be happy with myself and how to like me and hten when i get rejected I'm like meh thats there problem not mine and i move on.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
It may not turn out to be helpful assigning why you drank comes down to problems with relationships. The moment you think you know the "problem" is the same moment you don't. A more realistic plan can be realized by experiencing your lifestyle while also keeping your commitments to abstinence. Better to become aware of your challenges in real time than is to deal with past experiences projected into your future relationships with others.
Just by quitting drinking (and smoking) you'll have already created total momentum enough on your plate to keep you busy, imo. Don't lock yourself down to past problems. Keep an open mind to different opportunities now that your not reaching for that alcohol crutch.
In any case, good luck with your quit.
Just by quitting drinking (and smoking) you'll have already created total momentum enough on your plate to keep you busy, imo. Don't lock yourself down to past problems. Keep an open mind to different opportunities now that your not reaching for that alcohol crutch.
In any case, good luck with your quit.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by AngryGuy
...so I stay home and drink. It makes me forget about my (lack of a) social life.
Work on not drinking. Get a couple months sober and maybe the puzzle of why you drink will solve itself. Or at least reveal itself a little more clearly.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 476
Money is the best "cure" for stress - bar none, alcohol and smoking and similar activities are just a band-aid. Sorry to be blunt, harsh, overly-simplistic, or politically incorrect...... but its true!! 
I am looking to possibly be on the receiving end of anywhere from $10-$15k in settlements over the next 2 months or so. Even though i am not sure if i will even get what i want, i am already feeling better just with the thought of money.
Greed is a GOOD thing, in a strange way it sort of "competes" with and pushes aside these other more dangerous thoughts like "i need a smoke" or "i could use a hit right about now" or "i could really use a drink right now".
I am looking to possibly be on the receiving end of anywhere from $10-$15k in settlements over the next 2 months or so. Even though i am not sure if i will even get what i want, i am already feeling better just with the thought of money.
Greed is a GOOD thing, in a strange way it sort of "competes" with and pushes aside these other more dangerous thoughts like "i need a smoke" or "i could use a hit right about now" or "i could really use a drink right now".
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