Flyersfan

Hi all. I'm writing this on my phone so please excuse my grammar. I got hammered last night while watching the flyers. I have been drinking almost every other day lately. I feel that when I go out with ppl and not drink they complain that I'm so miserable or insist that I drink. Ppl say that it's not healthy to just come home from work and just sit on my couch and watch TV because if I go out I know I will drink.

Anyone have any advice? When i quit drinking i felt and looked a lot better and i want to do it again. Last time i quit i did not go out for a month besides work and the gym

huntingtontx

It is only my opinion, but when you make up your mind that you are not going to drink, and stick with the plan, I think you can do it. You are not doing this for your friends, you are doing it for you. If people care about you, and you tell them you don't want to drink, they will listen. If they don't, they are not your friends. Make a plan. Plan what you will drink. Then stick with the plan. End of story. I drink green tea when I go out with friends. I bring my own. If I am where I can't bring my own I get a diet coke. With drink in hand no one tries to get you a drink. Hold on to your sober drink. I don't think you have to sit at home every night, but I do think you have to have a plan. I hope this helps. You can do this. One day at a time. One drink at a time.

doggonecarl

Back for another go at sobriety? Good.

Quit hanging out with those ppl.

The truth is, you are letting what other people say strengthen what your addictive voice is telling you about drinking. If you were determined not to drink, you wouldn't. No matter what anybody said.

SillyString

Hi, Flyersfan -
It really helped me, especially in the beginning, to fill time I would normally drink with some other activity. Even if that activity is getting out of your house, and going to a movie. Or taking care of some errands that have long been ignored. You will feel a little boost of accomplishment that you stayed out of harm's way. It's not impossible to stay sober in the midst of your drinking friends - but it sure sounds like for you, it's a huge trigger right now. Also - people that "insist" you drink to make themselves feel more comfortable (and that's really what it is...) are not really being supportive of you. I don't think staying home like a hermit every night is the answer either though...you've got to find some activities (not involving alcohol) to take your mind off it.

Flyersfan

Thank you both for your responses! My brother is a raging alcoholic and he always pops in my house with beer or always wants to go to the bar and gets upset if I don't want to go. My parents always say get a beer but I can't drink in moderation. It's 0 beers or 12-15.

I will try your drink advice With the diet coke. I will get drinking urges time to time also. I usually just pound gator are or settler water. The worst part is no sleep and waking up soaked at night

Flyersfan

Yeah! Two nights ago I went to the movies with a friend and and had no urge to drink. I agree with you on that

Flyersfan

Thanks all! I'm going to dinner tonight with my mom. That will keep me occupied

Persys

I can relate to you. I found for me I had to change more than just not drinking. I too was miserable with friends if we were out and I wasn't drinking, because I didn't actually DO anything besides just not drink. I needed (and still need) to change the way I think about nearly everything in order to be happy in my own skin. My second thought on the subject was that I made it a habit not to hang around with people who were out drinking early on in my sobriety.

Something someone said early in my sobriety that really struck a chord was that through working a solid program of recovery (more than "just" not drinking) they have found a way to enjoy parts of life that they previously despised. Grocery shopping, a car ride, yard work, reading all became activities that they started to find some enjoyment in. For me, I was miserable 100% of the time that I wasn't drinking, and guess what? If I only do the minimum of not picking up a drink I can quickly fall back into being miserable and feeling sorry for myself.

Keeping occupied is a great idea, but let's face it- you can't stay busy 24/7. I have found that by putting actual work into my sobriety I am able to be still for periods of time and not have to worry that I am going to drink because I'm bored.

What I am trying to say is that in my humble experience, just not drinking wasn't enough to motivate me to keep going when times got tough. I needed to reinforce not picking up a drink with a program of recovery. Hope you are well, thanks for reading my post.

soberclover

Your brother is being a tool. And so are your other "friends" who are encouraging you to drink. YOU are fine when YOU aren't drinking. THEY aren't fine with you not drinking because THEY know they may have a problem. In my experience anyone who is encouraging another person to drink has a drinking problem themselves. It's also hard core hockey time and that is hard if you don't have a plan. Stay true to yourself....you are what matters.

phoenixbot

AA is a nice place to discover sober friends and activities, if you're wanting some non-TV time. I came back from a relapse last year and was immediately invited to a sober Thanksgiving. Melted my heart.

karate

When you quit ,your friends don't want to lose their drinking buddy .

Its similar to when you get married and quit chasing around with your single friends .

Dee74

Good to see you FF - sorry you're struggling tho.
Advice?

More support, and learning to use it when necessary...and more changes.

If you're living a drunks life trying to be sober, you're beaten before you even get out the gate, man.

D

soberbythesea

Honestly, I had to change my lifestyle completely. I stay away as much as possible from situations where others are drinking. And I certainly wouldn't hang around anyone who goaded me about not drinking.

BASEjumper

Hi FF, long time no see. I had to put my recovery first to get sober. In some cases that meant not hanging with people I had known for years.

That wasn't easy, but #&$% 'em. I knew if I didn't stop I would die, so the drunk friends had to go.

I would remind myself that I'm too important for that.

Now that I've been sober for a while I can go out and do all sorts of social things with drinkers and non drinkers alike.

But it just took time.

Flyersfan

What do you mean by this? Maybe im missing something

Flyersfan

Thats pretty cool, last time I was in AA everyone was smoking cigarets and it was like a "cool" hangout for a lot of 15 year olds. I only met two people in there that were there for support

LBrain

Hey another flyers fan here. I havenspent a ridiculous amount of time doing not mu h but watching tv for the past three months. I'm not drinking. I'm staying safe.

Have you tried that club house in west Chester?

nomis

Sit on your couch and watch tv or go out with your friends and drink? If the debate is framed in those terms you've already lost.

There's a whole life to be lived out there waiting for you. For example today I woke up, had some coffee, showered, went into work for a bit of catch up, came back home, made a smoothie for lunch, went for a drive out in the mountains, came home and had dinner, did a little professional development online, went for a five mile run and am now here online waiting for the Amazing Race to start.

Sitting on the couch watching tv is a part of my day, a very small part, drinking isn't and I couldn't be happier about it.

Dee74

If you haven't made any real changes to your life, then it's still the same life you led as a drinker:

I had to change a lot of the things I used to do, and the people I used to do things with too.

I don't know how much sober support you have but I needed a lot - and I had to be willing to use it.

As Nomis pointed out, there's more options than going out to bars or sitting on the couch.
Looking into other sober-oriented things to do may help?

D