How does you explain alcoholism to someone with no experience of addiction?
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Last time I go to ER after terrible binge, friend who took me reached over and took my hand and said "I'm sorry you go through this." I ball my eyes out just thinking of this kindness. I would like more kindnesses from those around me
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I have several friends who have absolutely no experience of addiction....normal everyday people, not monks or nuns or people living in isolated communities 
D
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 192
You know what makes me feel silly about how I felt about alcohol--substituting broccoli for it in my thoughts and actions.
"I'm gonna eat broccoli until I throw up." "Ugg, I ate too much broccoli again last night". "It's just not fair, why can't I eat broccoli like everyone else." "I don't wanna go to that wedding...there will be broc there and if I can't eat it I won't have fun"
Maybe that is how others who don't struggle with addiction look at us? Like why are you getting so worked up about broccoli?
"I'm gonna eat broccoli until I throw up." "Ugg, I ate too much broccoli again last night". "It's just not fair, why can't I eat broccoli like everyone else." "I don't wanna go to that wedding...there will be broc there and if I can't eat it I won't have fun"
Maybe that is how others who don't struggle with addiction look at us? Like why are you getting so worked up about broccoli?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
Originally Posted by caboblanco
I just mean either they have a close friend who is an addict or they themselves had an addiction...even if it something like chocolate or nascar. I've heard that almost everybody is addicted to something or other during their lifetime
D
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
It little bit make me crazy when friend liken my total life and health ravaging addiction to how they "couldn't do without they piece of chocolate everyday" or some such thing. Yeah, it just like that.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by Cow
I not so sure. I has friends who has other mental disorder, and though at first I think, damn, they nuts I still come to understands it.
I still come to understands it. I guess you are looking for an analogy at best, Cow? It's hard, because until you slip so low, no one can understand how alcohol becomes all you live for....even we, as alcoholics struggle to admit it, let alone comprehend it enough that we get to recover.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,443
The people left in my life from when I emerged on the sober side, they all had specific knowledge on how I should be living my life. At the time of my rapid descent, they could not fathom how I could not just stop. I believe that ‘snap out of it’ was the common theory on recovery. The doctor who saved my life tried to explain it to them, the rehab counselors tried to explain it to them. They did not get it.
A couple of other family members did not live to recover from this. I made it…….just by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin. They still don’t understand.
My time sober, to them, has diluted the horror that is alcoholism; it is not something to be understood anymore.
New friends and acquaintances only get that I don’t drink, there is no need to go into long explanations…..because I assume they just won’t get it.
My friend has a dog that eats rocks. The dog has had to have surgery to remove said rocks. And then, when the dog is feeling better, it goes back to eating rocks.
Perhaps this is a bit like alcoholism.
A couple of other family members did not live to recover from this. I made it…….just by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin. They still don’t understand.
My time sober, to them, has diluted the horror that is alcoholism; it is not something to be understood anymore.
New friends and acquaintances only get that I don’t drink, there is no need to go into long explanations…..because I assume they just won’t get it.
My friend has a dog that eats rocks. The dog has had to have surgery to remove said rocks. And then, when the dog is feeling better, it goes back to eating rocks.
Perhaps this is a bit like alcoholism.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Addiction itself damages or otherwise kills symptomatically. Like mental illness, its the damage done and not the illness itself which is the real problem. This kind of makes alcoholism invisible to those who are looking for physical causation to health problems. Cancer is an obvious example of physical cause. Mental illness, emotional illness, spiritual illness - not so much.
My alcoholism cannot directly damage me anymore. Not to say the damage already done is not still playing out, just saying my alcoholism is essentially invisible to pretty much everyone now that I'm sober for more than three decades. When I was drinking or jonesing for a drunk, it was totally obvious. My schizophrenia is also essentially invisible to most others, unless they have similar experience with mental illness. My spiritual challenges are also difficult for others to detect as I present as one who is very happy and lives a purpose filled life.
Emotionally there is much for people to see because they seek it out after they realize my physical condition. With a leg missing, its impossible not to be noticed. When you see a (handsome) tough rich guy climbing out of his 370Z Roadster (all black sport edition) and his whole face is laughing as he hobbles away without a care in the world smiling ear to ear, it often gives some pause. It can be fun to interact with people while we all pretend to not notice I'm missing a leg and I look like I couldn't care any less about it then I do.
Being noticed is one thing. Being invisible is quite another. Since I grew up as a crippled kid, being noticed is same old same old for me, you get use to it. My insides, my actual persona, my authentic psyche is even more invisible to most people I meet (or don't meet, lol) because they are kinda side-lined by my physical presence.
Explaining myself, and how I arrived where I am doesn't begin to tell my real back story, and I suspect I'm not much different then others when what they present as to others is not the whole story either.
I know this: when I see someone who is also invisible our mutual recognition is instant and solid all the way thru. Awesome.
My alcoholism cannot directly damage me anymore. Not to say the damage already done is not still playing out, just saying my alcoholism is essentially invisible to pretty much everyone now that I'm sober for more than three decades. When I was drinking or jonesing for a drunk, it was totally obvious. My schizophrenia is also essentially invisible to most others, unless they have similar experience with mental illness. My spiritual challenges are also difficult for others to detect as I present as one who is very happy and lives a purpose filled life.
Emotionally there is much for people to see because they seek it out after they realize my physical condition. With a leg missing, its impossible not to be noticed. When you see a (handsome) tough rich guy climbing out of his 370Z Roadster (all black sport edition) and his whole face is laughing as he hobbles away without a care in the world smiling ear to ear, it often gives some pause. It can be fun to interact with people while we all pretend to not notice I'm missing a leg and I look like I couldn't care any less about it then I do.
Being noticed is one thing. Being invisible is quite another. Since I grew up as a crippled kid, being noticed is same old same old for me, you get use to it. My insides, my actual persona, my authentic psyche is even more invisible to most people I meet (or don't meet, lol) because they are kinda side-lined by my physical presence.
Explaining myself, and how I arrived where I am doesn't begin to tell my real back story, and I suspect I'm not much different then others when what they present as to others is not the whole story either.
I know this: when I see someone who is also invisible our mutual recognition is instant and solid all the way thru. Awesome.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
I don't.
It took my husband almost 8 years, living with me and seeing the consequences of my drinking, to finally accept that, in his words, I "don't have a throttle" when it comes to alcohol. I knew I had a problem LONG before he was ready to agree with me.
Now, I think he knows intellectually what my problem is, but I still don't think he's capable of really understanding how it feels.
Only fellow addicts/alcoholics understand IMO. There's no point in trying to explain.
It took my husband almost 8 years, living with me and seeing the consequences of my drinking, to finally accept that, in his words, I "don't have a throttle" when it comes to alcohol. I knew I had a problem LONG before he was ready to agree with me.
Now, I think he knows intellectually what my problem is, but I still don't think he's capable of really understanding how it feels.
Only fellow addicts/alcoholics understand IMO. There's no point in trying to explain.
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Is interesting to me that most people is saying they just not try to explain it, cuz no point, impossible for other to understand. I get that, but that not Cow at all.
To peoples I care about, I wish to try to explain why I has gone so so SO awry. Even if they not understand, is still me opening to share deep secret and intimate struggles with them. And they share other thing with me. They has other various mental/physical/emotional 'disorders' and I does try to understand.
And if is not possible to understand, such as I would no ever pretend to understand what Robot is been through, still, every time he speak about his self, it expand my perception and appreciation of him.
To peoples I care about, I wish to try to explain why I has gone so so SO awry. Even if they not understand, is still me opening to share deep secret and intimate struggles with them. And they share other thing with me. They has other various mental/physical/emotional 'disorders' and I does try to understand.
And if is not possible to understand, such as I would no ever pretend to understand what Robot is been through, still, every time he speak about his self, it expand my perception and appreciation of him.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Addiction is the result of pain, in my opinion. Addcits like me use or drink because we don't know how to deal with life on life's terms its just too painful. So despite the negative consequences fear of dealing with the pain is greater than the fear of drinking or using.
The process is like a boa constrictor. You drink or drug to get through the day to survive. But every hit or drink is like when the snake squeezes a little tighter. Soon your lungs can't get any air and you panic because you realize you are going to die. Then the choice is kill the boa and never wrestle with snakes again (get sober) or keep using and die.
This was posted in the newcomers section and sums up addiction pretty well I think:
I really enjoy woodworking. Using that power saw to rip lumber is very soothing. It relaxes me and takes away the stress of the day. The problem is that I keep cutting off fingers.
Not every time. Sometimes I cut a few boards and then quit - no problems. A lot of times, though, I just get going and I can't stop. Then - whammo! a finger comes off. Never saw it coming.
Most of the time I can get them reattached. I rebound pretty quickly from that and a few days later I am back to shaping wood again. I'm really careful for a while, but sooner or later I slip up and lose a finger. Once or twice I gouged into my arm, but that doesn't happen very often, so I am not worried.
The process is like a boa constrictor. You drink or drug to get through the day to survive. But every hit or drink is like when the snake squeezes a little tighter. Soon your lungs can't get any air and you panic because you realize you are going to die. Then the choice is kill the boa and never wrestle with snakes again (get sober) or keep using and die.
This was posted in the newcomers section and sums up addiction pretty well I think:
I really enjoy woodworking. Using that power saw to rip lumber is very soothing. It relaxes me and takes away the stress of the day. The problem is that I keep cutting off fingers.
Not every time. Sometimes I cut a few boards and then quit - no problems. A lot of times, though, I just get going and I can't stop. Then - whammo! a finger comes off. Never saw it coming.
Most of the time I can get them reattached. I rebound pretty quickly from that and a few days later I am back to shaping wood again. I'm really careful for a while, but sooner or later I slip up and lose a finger. Once or twice I gouged into my arm, but that doesn't happen very often, so I am not worried.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
When I was only a few weeks sober I would try so hard to get my family to understand my alcoholism and addiction. But
when I really got honest with myself, it was because I wanted them to understand just in case I relapsed.
It was a form of manipulation on my part.
So I could leave the door open to drink or use again without consequence.
Without them ostracizing me.
So I could say But folks I am an alcoholic and an addict.
I did it for sympathy.
And it was BS. I am responsible for putting a drink or drug into my mouth.
Today the only person that has to understand is me. And if I am looking for understanding I turn to others in recovery.
when I really got honest with myself, it was because I wanted them to understand just in case I relapsed.
It was a form of manipulation on my part.
So I could leave the door open to drink or use again without consequence.
Without them ostracizing me.
So I could say But folks I am an alcoholic and an addict.
I did it for sympathy.
And it was BS. I am responsible for putting a drink or drug into my mouth.
Today the only person that has to understand is me. And if I am looking for understanding I turn to others in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
in my experience people don't want to hear about your problems. For the most part being needy is a really bad personal trait. If it wasn't for sr i wouldn't have anywhere to talk about addiction or other things that are bothering me. i would never try to make someone understand my addiction..my addiction has nothing to do with them. This is a journey I take alone.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
