LadyBlue0527

Almost 11 months and due to recent events I've had to open a door and say "Oh, it's you again" (detect note of disgust). Does the AV ever really go away?

I know that in the beginning it was with me consistently when I didn't have my brain focused on other things. Obviously it's key to know that no matter how far out you are that you must always be mindful of the pesky character. The work and solution is still the same. It may not be present all the time but it can still show up unexpected like an old friend who's a troublemaker that you were hoping to never see again.

Sobriety and recovery is a retraining of the brain. Every thought, action, and solution to a problem was always a drink. It takes a lot of hard work and effort to teach your brain to stop thinking that way. Then, even when you think you've got it licked something happens that's a bit overwhelming and your head still wants to go in that direction. As happy as I am in sobriety the monkey is still sitting there waiting to say "Just this once, you deserve it, look at what you're going through!". I'm grateful that I know better but it can still be challenging.

I'm so thankful today for this board and for all of you. I'm encouraged by posts that I see from people who have been sober for lengths of time who still come here to post that they're having a tough time at the moment.

It shows that even though the AV can still come calling that there is still strength and hope. Help is just a person away and reaching out is so important, more importantly before it happens.

There is strength in numbers. Happy Easter everyone and thank you all for the courage and wisdom that you give me every day to keep on keeping on!

Karma2014

Good Morning LadyBlue. The AV can wreak havoc with one's mind. I'm going on 9 months sober now after a year or so relapse from 8.5 years of sobriety.

Most of the time I'm on a pretty even keel in regards to picking up, but I go through some tough spots that seem to appear when my plan is not going according to my schedule. When uncertainty of the future and despair over the past arise.

I have to focus on telling myself to let it go, to "not go there". I do not recall these types of feelings from my first long stretch of sobriety, perhaps I have blocked them out.

Here's something I posted yesterday about my AV:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...arleycorn.html

silentrun

Good thoughts Ladyblue. It seems when one tactic doesn't work in lays in wait to come at you a different way. Sometimes it is quite for awhile then BAM!

IOAA2

I'm grateful I have not wanted to drink in +30 years but out of the clear it comes to mind in strange ways like going into a restaurant and getting a whiff from the bar and thinking "that smells good, I wonder what it tastes like?" Whoa there, that's as far as it goes, so far! I stopped smoking about 25 years ago doing 3 cartons a week at the snap of my finger with no after affects at all which I dreaded would happen. Anyway I fish salt water usually far away from other boats people, 2-3 miles. It wasn't unusual to suddenly get a whiff of a fresh lit cigarette which caught me by surprise and I needed to think about what was bothering me. This is I think the same type of thing that may trigger our AV. It's too deep for me, I just don't drink or smoke and my life got better. KISS for me!

BE WELL

huntingtontx

Hi Ladyblue. Good post. We have to keep on our toes, that is for sure. I am also thankful for this site. I don't know what I would do without all the support and care I receive here.

Dan1888

I kind of always knew there was something inside me telling me to drink against my better judgement. However it wasnt until i came to this site that I heard people talking about this "addiction voice" or "alcoholic voice", I immediately recognized what they were talking about.

Being able to recognize and deal with the AV voice when it comes along has played a massive part in my sobriety so far, and it is thanks to the people on this website that I am aware of it.

Good thread. Stay sober and enjoy life!!

freshstart57

As soon as you recognize the source of your thought as your AV, it is easy to dismiss it. The AV is a POS and will trade everything you value and hold dear for just one more drink. As soon as I smell the AV, I kick its sorry a$$ to the curb.

Sorta like that old GF who lied to me and cheated me, made me miserable, and made feel like a fool. If she were ever to reappear, I would smile a little, look away, and shut the door. I will never have anything to do with her ever again.

That AV can try to get your attention, but it will fail every time. Always. Because of this, it is nothing to be feared. Ever.

Kllme

What is AV?

Alcohol ventriloquist?

freshstart57

The AV is 'addictive voice' or 'alcoholic voice'. It is a way of describing those thoughts of drinking or using again that pop up in spite of our belief that we really should stop drinking. Its origin is in the pleasure center of the brain, the part associated with lowest levels of brain function. Through repeated exposure to alcohol, this part of the brain comes to believe that alcohol is necessary for survival when in fact it can destroy our lives.

Many find this idea useful in distancing ourselves from the thought of drinking, especially once a solemn vow for moral reasons is made to never drink again. You can learn more about this from the Rational Recovery website. I found the idea empowering, logical and absolute. It may be a useful idea for you too.

RobbyRobot

Too funny!!

Carlotta

I think that it's something we always need keep in the back of our mind. I am one of those lucky ones whose obsession got lifted almost immediately and my AV is basically nonnexistent, barely a whisper every other months or so and very easy to refute. On one hand it is a blessing, I see so many people struggling but on another hand it can also be dangerous.
I relapsed after 5 years because of that, I was absolutely not used to dealing with my AV and it laid dormant for so long that when I was really vulnerable, it popped its ugly head like jack in the box and I was completely unprepared and felt for it hooks, lines and sinker.
I am glad this time around that I got to read about avrt because it is another tool on my belt which will really help me if I ever get back in a similar situation. I will be able to recognize that nasty little voice exactly for what it is an deal with it accordingly.

silentrun

What line did it give you after 5 years? I am no where near that far but lately I have been getting the "it wasn't that bad" line.

waynetheking

Ive been sober 14 months now and my av is in the hands of my higher power. There's no way I could have quit on my own. So i turned over the av to him as well. I don't have to deal with it anymore. Its just that simple. Its a miracle.