velketor

I'm 28 and a recovering alcoholic. I've been sober for 35 days and finally was allowed to move back in with my mom. She said a condition of living with her is no drinking. However, she gets trashed every night and says its ok because she is paying the bills.

I feel very conflicted and want to drink so bad. Any advice? She has no plans to stop drinking at all. I smell it on her breathe and it sucks.

deeker

Why did you stop? Can you remember why you stopped 35 days ago. This is not about her it is about you.

Unfortunately You have no control over her. Maybe Go into a different room, go to a meeting at night.
Think about why you stopped. All the gory details.

It would be insane for me to pick up a drink today after what I went through.

velketor

I stopped because I want to quit. I felt like I was going to die because I would drink so much vodka. I am doing it for me, not for her. I just never remember her drinking at all. Now that I'm here she chugs vodka like its water and gets really mean. I start a new job in 3 weeks so I'll be moving out and on my own again. I just find it hypocritical to tell me to stop when she is doing exactly what I am told not to do.

LBrain

Is it possible to find another place to live temporarily?

velketor

I've been working on finding a temporary place but have had no luck yet. I've only been here for a week. I just need to make it through 3 more weeks and I can be away from her again. Unfortunately I have no friends out here because I just moved here. My entire network of friends live 4-5 hours away and I don't have a car or money at the moment.

FeelingGreat

Hi veketor, I can imagine how hard it is for you, especially with her drinking in front of you. Try to hold out for the 3 weeks until you can move, and use her example of what you don't want to become.
Spend as little time as possible with her, and if she asks why, just tell her you are finding it a struggle to stay sober while she's drinking.

velketor

Yah I agree I just gotta hold out 3 weeks. I know I can do it I am motivated more than ever this time. I have already discussed that I find it hypocritical that she drinks and I am expected not to. She doesn't even respond when I say that. She literally looks through me as if I am a ghost and says "You'll never understand". Then she drinks more.

velketor

She is also drinking and driving. She works in a Wines and Spirits store and comes home toasted. Then she continues drinking when she gets home. If I had even 1 drink and got in a car she would call the cops on me. It's very frustrating.

Music

Your mom's drinking is none of your business. If it bothers you, move out.

Goldcoastgirl

Just keep coming on to SR if it is getting too much for you and stay away from her. You are doing so well, don't let this unravel things for you. The light at the end of the tunnel is so close x

zjw

You have your problems she has hers. I'd imagine at 35 days its a tough time for you to try and drag her out of her little hole. You could end up being pulled into the hole with her.

If she wants to act this way and you want to be helpful that is fine but just becareful and dont let the frustration of her hyprocritical ways to send you to the bottle.

I'd remain focused on your issues then when you have a firmer footing if you wanna tango with her mess go for it.

Rememebr your quiting for you not her first and foremost. Its your health first not her opinion or her drinking issues etc..

Carlotta

It's her house and her rules and she is doing you a favor so she can be as hypocritical as she wants to since she is paying the bills.
I would suggest you go to AA or another support group so you can make some new sober friends and get some support. Please, never make your sobriety contingent upon someone else's no matter how much you love that person.
This is your life and your recovery Hang in there, you will not regret it.

PS: I can truly empathize with you btw, I lived while in early sobriety with a raging drunk and stayed sober. It is difficult but it can be done

topspin

Velketor,
If someone else was "letting" you live at their place , ( with the same demand of , no drinking , even if they did,) ,;....would you feel the same way ?

zjw

thats for sure. it can be easy to cave simply because someone else is doing it. friends family etc.. can be the worst about encourageing you to do something you dont wanna do.

Music

You're 28 years old, living in your mom's house and griping about her drinking. If you had even one ounce of self-respect, you'd be out looking for a job so you could be on your own, taking care of your own responsibilities. The real reason you're upset is because she's doing something you wish you could do. You have a choice here. Mind your own business and do something to get yourself out of there, or get with the program and join in on the fun.

Brian316

I know very much where you are coming from. I'm 6 months sober and following a divorce OWI and the loss of my house I had to move in with my parents. They both drink daily and my mom has been known to get pretty trashed. She blacks out and passes out on the floor and stuff. I've talked to my sponsor about it and while being sympathetic and spoken a little more kindly, he's told me pretty much the same thing people here told you. I am a guest here, it's temporary and I can't fix or help someone that's not looking for it. I pray for them, go to meetings and am trying to pick out an apartment right now. I'm thankful they are here for me and let me stay here. Now that does not mean I have to ride with them in a car or hang around with them while they are drinking. Yes it is hypocritical of an active alcoholic to belittle us, but we can't let another alcoholic's hypocrisy determine OUR recovery.

topspin

Brian,,,,.... Well said , !!

phoenixbot

That's rough. My parents are the same way, so I ended up turning down their offer when I was trying to get sober a while back. I'm not sure that I would have been able to handle seeing that or being near the alcohol. I commend you on your strength and congratulate you on your upcoming new job!

DancingNancie

He stated he starts a job in 3 weeks and will be moving out . That seems to me he has some respect .

velketor

Is there anywhere for me to temporarily stay in Philadelphia? My mom is continuing to drink. Today she was drinking and she asked me if I wanted to go to the grocery store with her. I said yes but then I realized she had already been drinking because I could smell it on her breath. So I got out of the car and walked home 3 miles because I don't want to be in the car with her when she's been drinking. Now she's threatening to kick me out. I don't have anywhere else to go and was wondering if anyone knew of any resources or temporary housing. I am still clean, no drinking, no drugs.

There has to be somewhere for me to go. I'll build a website for you, I'll do anything as long as it's not illegal in exchange for a place to live. My job still has not started. They decided to hire someone else. I'm desperate and want to keep my sobriety but living with an alcoholic makes that increasingly difficult.

Thanks.