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strongly disagreed with sponsor on something she said today

Old 04-14-2014, 03:00 PM
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strongly disagreed with sponsor on something she said today

I disagreed with something my sponsor told me today regarding a situation. Part of what she says may be true but I don't agree with her entirely. This is the first time I feel this way. It has been eating away at me since I got home after talking with her. I need to think and pray and meditate on this. I agreed with one other thing she had to say. She told me to be happy joyous and free not compartmentalize my life so much. That I am working on. I realize I don't have to agree with my sponsor on everything. My gut feeling tells me she may be wrong on this one. I still think she is a wonderful sponsor and is great for me.
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Old 04-14-2014, 04:48 PM
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I guess there have been things I have disagreed with my sponsor too. In the end I decided to keep an open mind and consider she may be right. Give it time and maybe that's the case. Also give it time and she may come and say she was wrong.
Having a great sponsor is my lifeline. If I disagree, I remember I don't know everything and I trust her judgement. Pretty spot on so far...we are both human though. LOL
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Old 04-15-2014, 02:13 AM
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I have a great sponsor. I trust her and she supports me even when I make mistakes.

There has been a time she has apologized to me when she felt what she said or her actions were wrong. I respect that.

Lately I have wanted to do my own thing and I have not asked her opinion or for her guidance because I knew what her response would be and the reason I knew was because it didn't feel right to me either but I didn't want someone else confirming what I already knew. I basically didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear the truth.

I have since talked to her about it and not only confirmed what I knew but got some guidance on were to go from here. Sometimes I don't want to hear the truth from someone else because then it makes it real. I can't twirl it in my head anymore making justifications or making it acceptable. I can do that in my head but not someone else's and she will tell me the truth, no sugar on top.

I am not saying that is what has happened in your case, I guess just sharing my experience.
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Old 04-15-2014, 04:19 AM
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its ok to not agree with everything a sponsor says..
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Old 04-15-2014, 04:22 AM
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Well, give a page number and what book it is in?
What did she say?
Just cuz its spouted off by a sponsor or is said in a room, does not mean its right, or correct.
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Old 04-15-2014, 04:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post

I disagreed with something my sponsor told me today regarding a situation.

My gut feeling tells me she may be wrong on this one.

I still think she is a wonderful sponsor and is great for me.
I have had a great old guy sponsor for prox 9 years

I have been sober 6 years

in the beginning of my sobriety I was beat up and down
I agreed with him on most everything
but
we agree a little less today and that's ok
the old sober man has spent a lot of time with me over the years

yes good moral sponsors are hard to find

MM
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Old 04-15-2014, 06:27 AM
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This is in regards to a friend. I can't go into details because what if this friend is on here and reads this could be bad. I feel my sponsors judgement is clouded on this particular issue because she is also one of her sponsee's.
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Old 04-15-2014, 06:48 AM
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AH! reads like someone thinks they know whats better for another person.
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good.


What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making

This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work

read more of the solution in the big book

follow through witht he steps and find out why this is bothering you
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:02 AM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
AH! reads like someone thinks they know whats better for another person.
The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good.


What usually happens? The show doesn't come off very well.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making

This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work

read more of the solution in the big book

follow through witht he steps and find out why this is bothering you
It doesn't have to do with her sobriety but mine. I feel this a one sided friendship because my friend only calls me for rides and when I make an effort to reach put to do friend things she never reciprocates. I think she doesn't mean to do that but I feel used. I don't mind giving her rides but I want to be friends also. My sponsor says i shouldn't be so quick to think she is using me. That I have been programmed to think that way. I could be wrong but I can't figure this out this has been really bothering me for some reason. I have prayed about meditated said a resentment prayer . My sponsor also told me I shouldn't say I would only give a newcomer a ride if they weren't using me. That I agree with. I feel like a selfish person right now and that is something I am working on.
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:08 AM
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Sounds like giving someone a ride is a small bit of service work. If it isn't convenient, you need to say so, but if it doesn't cause you to miss other engagements I think it is a good thing for us to do selfless acts expecting nothing in return.
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:10 AM
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A sponsor is a mantor, not a boss. My sponsor has been sober so long I think moses was his sponsor, so when he says something I don't agree with, while i acknowledge that I try to take action according to how he sees things. Too often for my liking, I wind up learning something I never would have seen had I just ignored him.
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:16 AM
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So I will give her rides if it is convenient even if it isn't sometimes and I won't expect anything in return but I won't consider her as a friend. This is my way of doing service work.
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:19 AM
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AA has taught me you are there for everyone even if you dislike them. It's principles over personalities.
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:37 AM
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we all have our own baggage.

maybe give more time to cultivate your friendship with her as real friendships take time.

breathe, relax, let go, be useful.....
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:43 AM
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For me, realizing that you sponsor makes mistakes or allowing yourself to hold an alternative view often signifies the beginnings of taking responsibility and of emotional maturity.
Bit like when you start to realize as a young adult that Dad is fallible and not superhuman..
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:49 AM
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Your friend sounds like maybe she isn't in a position yet to treat you how you would like/be expected to be treated. She may still be very sick, even if she is sober. I applaud your decision to wait it out.

We are here if you need us.
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Old 04-15-2014, 07:51 AM
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Im going back to therapy again I have come to realize that I am still screwed up in the head and my way of thinking. There are some things my sponsor can't help me with. I did send that girl a text message this morning and offer to pick her up for a meeting. Im not going to expect anything in return even friendship if it happens it does.
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