Good and bad days
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Join Date: Jun 2010
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Good and bad days
Sometimes I am so happy, almost high and then tonight I had a little cry in the bathroom.
My dad has not been well so he had a doctors appointment today. He has high cholesterol and has been having night sweats and getting up a lot at night to pee. The doctor does not want to put him on medication yet and he is having a chest x-ray on Monday. He told him not to eat too late and to cut out all the tea at night. I am hoping that if something was really wrong he would be in hospital already, right?
My mom had another one of her rages tonight and I am so angry at her selfishness. I could never express my anger before and now I am angry a lot. Will this pass? Her "fits" usually happen after she has talked to my sister on the phone. I have given up hoping that she will get help for her anger/paranoia/depression. I cannot change her and all I can do is pray for her. Sometimes she says "I am so lucky to have a daughter like you to look after me in my old age". She is only 65. I haven't told her yet that I am not going to. I will not care for someone who tells me that she wishes I had never been born. She told me that if she knew what was coming down the line with my sister and myself, she would have had us aborted. Then she completely turns around and tells me how I am such a good daughter. Then last night she couldn't find her purse and accused me of stealing. When she found it I politely asked for an apology...which she did for the first time ever! My therapist was happy that I am finally standing up for myself, so why do I feel so bad? And I know that my parents were very good to take me in but no one should have to live like this. I am trying to feel compassion for her because I know that she is suffering badly but she makes it so hard!
I had an appointment today with someone who looked over my CV. She said it's not bad but "I need to sell myself more". I have another job interview next week and I am looking forward to moving forward. I am over five months sober and looking forward to a brighter future...
And I am sorry for ranting on. I am very worried about my dad and I am having a pity party. Things will be brighter in the morning.
I am in bed re-watching The Little Mermaid...I love these songs.
My dad has not been well so he had a doctors appointment today. He has high cholesterol and has been having night sweats and getting up a lot at night to pee. The doctor does not want to put him on medication yet and he is having a chest x-ray on Monday. He told him not to eat too late and to cut out all the tea at night. I am hoping that if something was really wrong he would be in hospital already, right?
My mom had another one of her rages tonight and I am so angry at her selfishness. I could never express my anger before and now I am angry a lot. Will this pass? Her "fits" usually happen after she has talked to my sister on the phone. I have given up hoping that she will get help for her anger/paranoia/depression. I cannot change her and all I can do is pray for her. Sometimes she says "I am so lucky to have a daughter like you to look after me in my old age". She is only 65. I haven't told her yet that I am not going to. I will not care for someone who tells me that she wishes I had never been born. She told me that if she knew what was coming down the line with my sister and myself, she would have had us aborted. Then she completely turns around and tells me how I am such a good daughter. Then last night she couldn't find her purse and accused me of stealing. When she found it I politely asked for an apology...which she did for the first time ever! My therapist was happy that I am finally standing up for myself, so why do I feel so bad? And I know that my parents were very good to take me in but no one should have to live like this. I am trying to feel compassion for her because I know that she is suffering badly but she makes it so hard!
I had an appointment today with someone who looked over my CV. She said it's not bad but "I need to sell myself more". I have another job interview next week and I am looking forward to moving forward. I am over five months sober and looking forward to a brighter future...
And I am sorry for ranting on. I am very worried about my dad and I am having a pity party. Things will be brighter in the morning.
I am in bed re-watching The Little Mermaid...I love these songs.
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