Who have you told you are a alcoholic? Everyone? workmates? close friends? family?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 61
Who have you told you are a alcoholic? Everyone? workmates? close friends? family?
Should you be very careful about who you tell that you are an alcoholic or is it best just to get it out in the open and let everyone know?
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Early on in sobriety, I was a big proponent of telling anyone who would listen. I believed, at the time, we are only as sick as our secrets and it felt so liberating to be able to just finally OWN IT.
In retrospect, 6 months later, I wish that perhaps I took the sage advice of those that have gone before me, and backed off a little from practically displaying my alcoholism on a marquee in Times Square.
Not that I am embarrassed. I'm genuinely not. But, it feels more private and precious now if that makes sense ?
My willingness, although, got many people to rethink their own struggles with alcohol both in my family and friend circle. So I guess it's safe to say, do what feels right to your own truth.
You can't really ever go wrong with that.
In retrospect, 6 months later, I wish that perhaps I took the sage advice of those that have gone before me, and backed off a little from practically displaying my alcoholism on a marquee in Times Square.
Not that I am embarrassed. I'm genuinely not. But, it feels more private and precious now if that makes sense ?
My willingness, although, got many people to rethink their own struggles with alcohol both in my family and friend circle. So I guess it's safe to say, do what feels right to your own truth.
You can't really ever go wrong with that.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Discretion is a wise path to follow. There were people who needed to know or knew anyway, along with employer and workmates who had been directly affected.
But as I moved on in life, going for a new job for example, alcohol was no longer a problem so no useful purpose would be served in disclosing my alcoholism. In fact, making such a disclosure could well be from the wrong motives like getting some special treatment.
However, if someone would be helped I have no problem identifying myself as a recovered alcoholic. This has happened both in work and in my social circle.
But as I moved on in life, going for a new job for example, alcohol was no longer a problem so no useful purpose would be served in disclosing my alcoholism. In fact, making such a disclosure could well be from the wrong motives like getting some special treatment.
However, if someone would be helped I have no problem identifying myself as a recovered alcoholic. This has happened both in work and in my social circle.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 385
I didn't tell anyone, closet alcho, closet admission...
I would err on the side of caution with anyone who's not very very close, people tend to make assumptions and judgements about people with such extreme issues. I realize it's their problem not yours, nor are they probably "worth it", but you don't want it interfering with career or other decisions people make.
I would err on the side of caution with anyone who's not very very close, people tend to make assumptions and judgements about people with such extreme issues. I realize it's their problem not yours, nor are they probably "worth it", but you don't want it interfering with career or other decisions people make.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: London, UK
Posts: 32
I told a few choice friends, but only if the right opportunity arose to talk about it. I wouldn't actively approach people and tell them about my decision to stop drinking, but in some situations the timing just seemed right, and it was good to get it out in the open and face the reactions from my friends. I was pleasantly surprised that they were all (a) a bit shocked at first, (b) curious, but ultimately (c) supportive. They really didn't "care" as much as I was worrying about, but it did raise some interesting discussions about either their own drinking or that of their partner. One friend even asked if I could talk to her boyfriend about quitting as he turned into a horrible bully when drunk, but he thought that was just normal and how all couples were and had no intention to quit drinking.
I told my family a lot later and they were a lot more confused about my decision, even though they knew I used to drink a lot (socially), but I guess they'd never seen the problems first hand as I'd never been drunk in front of them. My mum even said "but does that mean you'll never be able to enjoy a celebratory glass of Champagne again?" and I said yes, not even one, and that it honestly didn't bother me. She was more upset than I was at this prospect!
I haven't told any work colleagues, and won't. It's not something I want to bring to the workplace. Yes, I used to call in sick with hangovers and come in still sloshed from the night before, but I've got myself back on track work-wise and it's no longer an issue, so no point dragging it up. I don't socialise with colleagues anyway so they'll never know I'm now not drinking.
You'll know if/when it feels right to tell people, if at all, and you'll know which friends/family to confide in. You'll probably be pleasantly surprised at their reactions as people are more accepting and supportive than you think they'll be. Anyone who's negative about your decision, well, that's their problem, so don't let it bother you. You know you've made the right choice in giving up the alcohol so stick with it and hold your head up high!
I told my family a lot later and they were a lot more confused about my decision, even though they knew I used to drink a lot (socially), but I guess they'd never seen the problems first hand as I'd never been drunk in front of them. My mum even said "but does that mean you'll never be able to enjoy a celebratory glass of Champagne again?" and I said yes, not even one, and that it honestly didn't bother me. She was more upset than I was at this prospect!
I haven't told any work colleagues, and won't. It's not something I want to bring to the workplace. Yes, I used to call in sick with hangovers and come in still sloshed from the night before, but I've got myself back on track work-wise and it's no longer an issue, so no point dragging it up. I don't socialise with colleagues anyway so they'll never know I'm now not drinking.
You'll know if/when it feels right to tell people, if at all, and you'll know which friends/family to confide in. You'll probably be pleasantly surprised at their reactions as people are more accepting and supportive than you think they'll be. Anyone who's negative about your decision, well, that's their problem, so don't let it bother you. You know you've made the right choice in giving up the alcohol so stick with it and hold your head up high!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: the coast
Posts: 246
I didn't tell anyone because no one "knew" that I was an alcoholic but everyone knows that I no longer text/call them at 2am and leave rambling 10 minute voicemails, I no longer make grand plans only to cancel on them because I'm hungover, I no longer make a fool of myself in bars and get thrown out, etc.
So I think they've got a pretty good idea that something changed I just didn't outright tell them yet because I would've felt too much outside pressure. My family is full of heavy drinkers who I know would have tried to bring my sobriety down. That's why I came to SR.
So I think they've got a pretty good idea that something changed
I just didn't outright tell them yet because I would've felt too much outside pressure. My family is full of heavy drinkers who I know would have tried to bring my sobriety down. That's why I came to SR.
DOS: 11/6/10
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Florida Panhandle, USA
Posts: 736
So... here's how I've handled it. Early on, I was mortified to have that label. I told no one. I actually started going to meetings before I told my husband anything like that. Even now, I have only said the words "I'm an alcoholic" to three people I can think of (besides my peeps at meetings).
However- and it's a big however, I'm not ashamed at all anymore. I look at it like this: I had a problem, and I fixed it. Where's the shame in that? The real shame (for me) comes from knowing you have a problem and choosing not to do anything about it.
I don't "offer" my status at all and sometimes it comes up in conversation, sometimes not. I work in the entertainment/service industry so there's plenty of alcohol going around. I really don't want to be a "stick in the mud"... akin to walking into a meat industry convention proclaiming loudly that I'm a vegetarian.
The conversation usually goes like this- but most times stops with the first no-
"Can I get you a drink?"
"No, but thanks."
"Really- can't I get you something besides a soda?"
"Nope- that's sweet of you. But I actually don't drink"
"Really? Why?"
And here are the various replies I have used, depending on whether I know them well, don't know them at all, feel like they're just being nosy, etc etc:
"I had to leave some for everyone else"
"Capt. Morgan and I used to be really close. Now? Not so much"
"I've pretty much had enough, believe me"
To those who seem truly interested... " It's like this. I was on this speeding train, and I saw the wall coming. I opted to get off the train before it hit the wall."
[/LIST]
However- and it's a big however, I'm not ashamed at all anymore. I look at it like this: I had a problem, and I fixed it. Where's the shame in that? The real shame (for me) comes from knowing you have a problem and choosing not to do anything about it.
I don't "offer" my status at all and sometimes it comes up in conversation, sometimes not. I work in the entertainment/service industry so there's plenty of alcohol going around. I really don't want to be a "stick in the mud"... akin to walking into a meat industry convention proclaiming loudly that I'm a vegetarian.
The conversation usually goes like this- but most times stops with the first no-
"Can I get you a drink?"
"No, but thanks."
"Really- can't I get you something besides a soda?"
"Nope- that's sweet of you. But I actually don't drink"
"Really? Why?"
And here are the various replies I have used, depending on whether I know them well, don't know them at all, feel like they're just being nosy, etc etc:
"I had to leave some for everyone else"
"Capt. Morgan and I used to be really close. Now? Not so much"
"I've pretty much had enough, believe me"
To those who seem truly interested... " It's like this. I was on this speeding train, and I saw the wall coming. I opted to get off the train before it hit the wall."
[/LIST]
Last edited by sunrise1; 04-10-2014 at 09:05 AM. Reason: clarifying
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
Most importantly I told myself because I didn't want to believe it but had to admit and accept it. There was a strong part of my ego that fought to deny my alcoholism.
I've told very few people. But those I've made amends to either knew or were surprised to hear that my character and behavior was affected by alcohol abuse. They just thought I had problems or was a "*****".
Some people have asked if I have a drinking problem and get the response "I can drink just fine, it's stopping is the problem". I'll use the term "alcoholic" to describe myself among other alcoholics at an AA meeting or my therapist otherwise it's not something I yell from the roof tops.
I've told very few people. But those I've made amends to either knew or were surprised to hear that my character and behavior was affected by alcohol abuse. They just thought I had problems or was a "*****".
Some people have asked if I have a drinking problem and get the response "I can drink just fine, it's stopping is the problem". I'll use the term "alcoholic" to describe myself among other alcoholics at an AA meeting or my therapist otherwise it's not something I yell from the roof tops.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
When I quit, I nearly hired a skywriter.
I was a pretty public drunk anyway so in that sense it didn't matter.
But I worried a few people close to me. I think I made the announcement for practical, but nonetheless selfish reasons, and I didn't take into account how that news might impact others.
I think it's best to be cirumspect now
D
I was a pretty public drunk anyway so in that sense it didn't matter.
But I worried a few people close to me. I think I made the announcement for practical, but nonetheless selfish reasons, and I didn't take into account how that news might impact others.
I think it's best to be cirumspect now
D
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I don't think I told anyone that I was an alcoholic, but of course my friends and family used that word (and a whole bunch of others too) while I was a drinking man. Now, I have no problem at all telling anyone that I never drink, and never will. My friends and family are relieved that I quit, and some are even proud of me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 272
I told my closest friends (3 people) back when I got sober the first time. Telling them helped because they were totally on board if I wanted to go out on a Friday night but not to a bar. My husband at the time knew too.
No one knows this time (I live in a new place) except people I see in meetings.
No one knows this time (I live in a new place) except people I see in meetings.
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