No
 

Such a simple word.

And I usually pride myself on being able to say it.

But I was asked for a favor today, by someone who has been manipulative, plays games, and repeatedly has taken advantage of my kindness and generosity.

I said no, and for some damn reason it was harder than I thought.

But I'm trying to identify unhealthy relationships, and change them, and this one really HAD to go.

Feels like there is going to be some repercussions, but truthfully, they will probably just move on to another easy mark.

Congrats and you have it exactly right - manipulative folks will simply prey on whomever they can. Props to you for standing up for what's best for you.

Well done you, and for sure, we have to do this stuff. Time gets to be when the 'easier, softer way' just doesn't work anymore. It's no longer tenable.

took me forever to learn that. your ahead of the game.

Saying no used to make me sick - physically sick.

I didn't like myself, so I other wanted people to like me for validation, no matter what the cost.

I got sober and learned to like myself. No comes a lot easier now ;)

D

this is a good thread for me today since I was faced again with someone wanting to tear me down or so it seems. I'm trying to go through my day happy etc.. and faced with someone who said some things basicly taking stabs at me.

I had to tell my self NO i'm not gonna allow this to tear me down and make me depressed. This person happens to be going through a tough time themselves and probably is not happy that i'm happy misery loves company etc.. I've lost so many friends for this very reason it seems.

Setting boundries is apart of recovery.

I relate, Doublebarrel. I have a hard time saying no/setting boundaries. This can lead me to take it, take it, take it, then blow up. I'm glad you shared this. Made me think about/reflect on some things.

Just because we are sober does not mean that unhealthy people vanish. Sobriety allows us to see them for what they are.....unhealthy and thus need to be avoided whenever possible

I couldn't have said it better.

I'll also add that as hard as it is to say no (even now) the people that deserve to share in the good life that you've now chosen will remain. Those who don't will disappear. I see no negatives there!

We often say "yes" to other people, when we really want to say "no". And then we feel resentful and angry for having said "yes".

Learning to say "no" can be difficult. But it can be done.

I didn't feel I had the right to say no when I was drunk. I didn't have respect for myself; why should anyone else? It's a lot easier now and unfortunately necessary sometimes.

Saying no was never a problem when drinking. I never had that problem of being a people pleaser.

Self centred in the extreme, I was only interested in pleasing myself.

Now recovered I spend a lot of time thinking about others and trying to be of service. But the Big Book also tells me I need not be servile or scraping. As God's people we don't crawl before anyone.

Sometime we confuse service with servility.

Like Dee, saying no used to make me sick. It took a long time for me to learn to set boundaries and learn to say no. I still struggle with people pleasing at times but recovery is a process, Rome was not built in one day.