tnman1967

Lately I've developed a habit of beginning to dwell on the past. I wake up and have a real good start of the day then I start thinking about all the mistakes I did while drinking. All the various bad things I did and had happened to me as a result of my drinking. I then start to feel depressed and worthless. How do you cope and where can I get some ideas on how to change my thinking? I need to find a way of changing my mental picture and thinking when those feelings comes over me. I resent myself and feel like I can never make up to my wife and undo all those years of misery I created.

Thoughts anyone!

SoberLeigh

While the past can't be unwritten, the future is a blank page. You can make it up to your wife and to yourself by the way you live your life each day going forward.

Here's to a better and a brighter future.

Hevyn

tnman - Don't go down that road. That way of thinking kept me miserable & on square one for a long time. It prevented me from healing and moving on. We can't forget the bad stuff entirely, but let it stay in the past. You can't proceed while looking in the rearview mirror.

None of us set out to cause heartache and misery to those we love. My behavior was reckless and insensitive - but drunk me is a completely different person than real me. Don't torture yourself with thoughts. Guilt and remorse are useless emotions. You deserve to reclaim your life and turn it into something wonderful. I'm glad you wanted to talk this over!

Dee74

I think Leighs onto it.

We can't change the past - but we can do a lot with our today. I found the best amends were active amends - helping people, trying to be the best person I can be,. If that's a sincere change, and a change not made for any agenda but as a clear illustration of who sober you is, people will respond to that tnman

D

joshlyman

This was something that I struggled with in my very early sobriety. Shame lead me back to drinking 3 times. I couldn't face what I had done and how I had humiliated myself in front of so many people so many times.

With the help of SR and AA I came to terms with the fact that no matter how hard I tried it was was impossible for me to go back in time or erase peoples memories. What happened happened. The only thing I could do was hold my head up and show the people who saw me at my worst--in handcuffs, passing out off of a bar stool, in a blackout, etc.--that that was no longer me. And that it wasn't really "me" in the first place--it was my alcoholism.

dollpart

I wish I knew what to say to make things better. I wish I had the answers myself. Meanwhile, I understand... dunno if that's any help at all.

DancingDiva

Try to accept that you can't do anything about it now. Easier said than done, I know. When those thoughts come, remind yourself of the positive steps you're taking to make sure those things don't happen again. Don't let the negative voice in your head beat you down - you deserve better!

zjw

it took me a long time to figure it out. But i'd focus on negative things various problems in my life or messes i had created etc.. and I'd dwell on them insently for days weeks on end. My mind would be in the gutter. i'd feel miserable and I couldnt seem to stop the bad thoughts. no matter how hard i tried it just persisted. this would all happen before i even realized what was even going on. I'd feel miserable for days and days and thing why do i feel so terrible.

Finally i started to get a grip on it. and I'd force myself to STOP dwelling so much ons tuff i could do nothing about. all it did was put me in a crummy mood for however long it took for me to snap out of it. which could be a day or a decade who knows how long the crummy ride would be each time!

I got better at it and better at it. I was able to stop it sooner and sooner into the game Now it generally only robs me of a few hous when it happens sometimes a day but thats it. I hope to be able to stop it after 5 minutes or keep it form ever happening at all someday.

Like i said my trick is to just catch myself and stop before i derail out of control and spiral out of control dwelling on the bad for days weeks on end etc..

It works for me for now. worrying solves nothing anyhow.

deeker

You have to remember too joshlyman that people are not thinking about us all the time. It is bigger in your head than anyone else's.
Because it was something you did. But most people are thinking about their own lives and what other people think of us is really
none of our business anyways.

You are doing the right thing now and that is what matters. You have an illness that caused you to maybe do some bad things
in the past , we all did. But you are getting well.

Others memories fade quickly. Plus we can't assume to think we know what others are thinking.

If we are living in the past, we are missing this moment.

We can't change the past, but we can change today and that will change our future.

HeadLump

Ah, tnman, I do so understand

I had a very long drinking career and did many, many things that I regret. Some turned out badly, some could have been much, much worse.

I obviously can't change what I did or the risks I took, but remembering them now makes me realise just how determined I am that they will never happen again and how extremely grateful I am to be sober.

The main thing that haunted me was how selfish I had been, particularly towards my partner. I didn't feel I could ever make up for that. But now he looks at me with pure love and pride and our relationship is even stronger (and certainly more honest too).

You make amends by being the best person you can be - and that means getting and staying sober