Feel like I have wasted my life
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Feel like I have wasted my life
Nights are hard lately.
My friends mom died two weeks ago at the age of 59. I will be 34 on my next birthday and I have done nothing with my life. I am single, unemployed and live with my parents. I feel middle aged.
My brother phoned last night and we were talking about wedding plans. My sister is married - though for how long more I don't know - no kids. My brother is getting married and I would say that they will have kids at some stage. His fiancee is younger than me. I will be "Crazy Aunt Tetra" to their offspring. Like my moms sister is "Crazy Aunt Jane" to us. I don't like cats so I will be "Crazy Rabbit Lady". I was watching that episode of Friends earlier where Chandler has a meltdown about ending up alone and he says "I'll be Crazy Snake man because I will need a thing...like that man on the subway who eats his own face. I'll be Crazy man with a snake. I'll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids will see me and they will run away. Run away from Crazy Snake Man they'll shout!!"
Sorry for ranting on. I have 5 months tomorrow. It's all weddings here. My brother is coming home in April coz he is best man at his friends wedding.
I know things could be worse. I could still be drinking, or I could be dead. At least now I have hope. And my September trip to America to look forward to xx
My friends mom died two weeks ago at the age of 59. I will be 34 on my next birthday and I have done nothing with my life. I am single, unemployed and live with my parents. I feel middle aged.
My brother phoned last night and we were talking about wedding plans. My sister is married - though for how long more I don't know - no kids. My brother is getting married and I would say that they will have kids at some stage. His fiancee is younger than me. I will be "Crazy Aunt Tetra" to their offspring. Like my moms sister is "Crazy Aunt Jane" to us. I don't like cats so I will be "Crazy Rabbit Lady". I was watching that episode of Friends earlier where Chandler has a meltdown about ending up alone and he says "I'll be Crazy Snake man because I will need a thing...like that man on the subway who eats his own face. I'll be Crazy man with a snake. I'll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids will see me and they will run away. Run away from Crazy Snake Man they'll shout!!"
Sorry for ranting on. I have 5 months tomorrow. It's all weddings here. My brother is coming home in April coz he is best man at his friends wedding.
I know things could be worse. I could still be drinking, or I could be dead. At least now I have hope. And my September trip to America to look forward to xx
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Look at what you've accomplished recently though Tetra.
I wasted 20 years of my life, but I've done more in the last seven that I did in those 20.
Those last seven are the ones I count, and I got sober at 40.
You have many years, and many opportunities ahead
D
I wasted 20 years of my life, but I've done more in the last seven that I did in those 20.
Those last seven are the ones I count, and I got sober at 40.
You have many years, and many opportunities ahead
D
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
...and you obviously have your sense of humor Tetra.
I was a lot older than Dee when I got sober - these past 6 yrs. have been my best ever. You're still so young. I wish I'd been sober at 34. You're doing great - please don't let the wedding talk mess with your head. You will NOT be the Crazy Rabbit Lady.
I was a lot older than Dee when I got sober - these past 6 yrs. have been my best ever. You're still so young. I wish I'd been sober at 34. You're doing great - please don't let the wedding talk mess with your head. You will NOT be the Crazy Rabbit Lady.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
Yep...and look what happened to Chandler...he met Monica and fell in love
Your post literally made me say out loud Awwww Tetra, and wanted to give you a big hug. You seem to give yourself such a hard time. You're in the early stages of getting sober, and you're doing great with hanging in there in a situation that is trying to you in so many ways. You're starting your sober journey placing no conditions on it, and that shows a wisdom which could peg you at middle age
but in reality, you've years to do what you want to do with your life, and make the kinds of changes you want to make. Sobriety offers that chance, and you're already in there giving it everything you can. None of us can ask more of ourselves than that.
I admire your posts; you keep persevering with the job applications, and interviews, and you keep making every effort to make the life you want for yourself. Not everyone has the courage to do that, or the patience to bear with it.
Congratulations again on five months. Hope you've something extra special lined up for you to mark it.
Your post literally made me say out loud Awwww Tetra, and wanted to give you a big hug. You seem to give yourself such a hard time. You're in the early stages of getting sober, and you're doing great with hanging in there in a situation that is trying to you in so many ways. You're starting your sober journey placing no conditions on it, and that shows a wisdom which could peg you at middle age
but in reality, you've years to do what you want to do with your life, and make the kinds of changes you want to make. Sobriety offers that chance, and you're already in there giving it everything you can. None of us can ask more of ourselves than that. I admire your posts; you keep persevering with the job applications, and interviews, and you keep making every effort to make the life you want for yourself. Not everyone has the courage to do that, or the patience to bear with it.
Congratulations again on five months. Hope you've something extra special lined up for you to mark it.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Well Cwazy Wabbit Wady,
I wish I could go back 31 years and have a fresh start.
Hang in there. You have so much ahead of you. Congrats on your 5 months. It's more than I have sober. And I had more than 34 years on the other side.
I wish I could go back 31 years and have a fresh start.
Hang in there. You have so much ahead of you. Congrats on your 5 months. It's more than I have sober. And I had more than 34 years on the other side.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Congrats on five months. Not being married is not a bad thing. How many people your age have been married and are now divorced. You have your life in front of you. Sober at your age, your choices are endless. Maybe your nieces and nephews will call your their fun Aunt. Kids love crazy. My grandkids think I am the best and now I am sober to enjoy it. Take a breath and think how far you have come. Wishing you nothing but the best.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Tetra those are your thoughts, those are not factual. You are projecting those thoughts on to yourself. You are projecting negativity onto yourself.
You are assuming that is what your family is going to call you. You need to stop being so negative. You are still young and you still have a lot of life ahead of you. You know My grama, she died at 100 over a year ago.
She raised her 3 kids till they were out of the house. When she was 48 years old she and my grampa bought a circus farm in Indiana. My grama at 48 years old started training animals and performing in the circus until she was 65 years old.
She made her own costumes. She trained elephants, seals, dogs, and goats.
She had the fullest life of anyone I know. At the age of 75 she traveled around the midwest with her elephants and did promotions for waterbed stores.
I am sorry for the loss of your Mom
Disclaimer: I am not condoning circus's, just telling the facts
You are assuming that is what your family is going to call you. You need to stop being so negative. You are still young and you still have a lot of life ahead of you. You know My grama, she died at 100 over a year ago.
She raised her 3 kids till they were out of the house. When she was 48 years old she and my grampa bought a circus farm in Indiana. My grama at 48 years old started training animals and performing in the circus until she was 65 years old.
She made her own costumes. She trained elephants, seals, dogs, and goats.
She had the fullest life of anyone I know. At the age of 75 she traveled around the midwest with her elephants and did promotions for waterbed stores.
I am sorry for the loss of your Mom
Disclaimer: I am not condoning circus's, just telling the facts
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic USA
Posts: 2,441
34 is much younger than you think. Yes, I understand that many people your age are in a different place in life, but talk with folks who are 60, 65 or 70 and you will see that you have a lot of life left, and that means plenty of time to just about anything you would like to do in your life.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
sometimes you have to talk positive to yourself. and realize that other peoples negative thoughts about you are theres or there issue not yours. People have called me a wuss all my life I told my wife today if i did X everyone would say oh he's a quiter he's a wuss. she says yes they would because you would be quiting. I turned to her and said then they can try walking a mile in my shoes and find out who the real wussy's are!
People can say a lot of things but you cant let it eat at you chances are its there problem or there warped interpretation of things etc..
People can say a lot of things but you cant let it eat at you chances are its there problem or there warped interpretation of things etc..
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
LOL Carlotta! Oh that is too much, seriously. Haha.
And Tetra is coming to America! U-S-A! Where are you going? It's a big country, are you going to NYC? LA? Chicago? Miami? I've talked to lots of foreigners who visit the States, because a lot of them stay with me, as I host travelers from all over the world in my flat here in Chicago. It's part of my little "side business" that I sometimes babble about....ANYWAY:
As for being the crazy aunt, I hear you. When I was early in recovery I used to joke to my little 1 year-old niece (within ear-shot of her parents) "Do you love your unemployed, recovering alcoholic uncle?", and she would always smile and hug me and it was good for a morbid laugh from the crowd. But you know what, I don't think that's really who I am, and I don't think she will think of me that way. I'm going to be the uncle that comes to town for the holidays and amazes my niece and nephew with stories of volcanoes, temples, mountains and remote islands. I think you can be "that" kind of aunt too, Tetra. You will be special to them in your own way. You have a lot to offer and I'm sure your future relatives will be quite happy to have you around!
And Tetra is coming to America! U-S-A! Where are you going? It's a big country, are you going to NYC? LA? Chicago? Miami? I've talked to lots of foreigners who visit the States, because a lot of them stay with me, as I host travelers from all over the world in my flat here in Chicago. It's part of my little "side business" that I sometimes babble about....ANYWAY:
As for being the crazy aunt, I hear you. When I was early in recovery I used to joke to my little 1 year-old niece (within ear-shot of her parents) "Do you love your unemployed, recovering alcoholic uncle?", and she would always smile and hug me and it was good for a morbid laugh from the crowd. But you know what, I don't think that's really who I am, and I don't think she will think of me that way. I'm going to be the uncle that comes to town for the holidays and amazes my niece and nephew with stories of volcanoes, temples, mountains and remote islands. I think you can be "that" kind of aunt too, Tetra. You will be special to them in your own way. You have a lot to offer and I'm sure your future relatives will be quite happy to have you around!
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by Tetra 
I will be 34 on my next birthday and I have done nothing with my life. I am single, unemployed and live with my parents. I feel middle aged.
I was unemployed and unable to find another job for the first two years of my sobriety, and my confidence was pretty shot. In retrospect I am glad for that time to focus on my recovery, because without that time I don't know that I would still be sober today.
Be gentle with yourself, and though the future may seem uncertain at best, have gratitude that your future has something your past lacked: choice.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Hi Tetra. I think a lot of times we don't see ourselves clearly, or we don't see ourselves as others see us. From what I understand of you from your posts I see a young (you will understand some day how young 34 is ) woman with a rich internal dialogue. I see someone who is very loyal and dedicated and aware of how she affects those around her. I see someone who is admirable and who seems to be gathering momentum and setting goals and carving her way in the world. In my opinion you are someone that I would like to have as a friend. There are a lot of people who get swept along by a lot of external motion and noise for years, who have no idea who they are.
I think your restlessness right now is a good sign, I have a similar feeling. For the first time in a long time I don't feel like I am simply getting tossed around by circumstances out of my control. Being in control and clear is something that I am getting used to, but the fact that I am ready to expand my world I think stems from the fact that I am feeling pretty safe with where I am.
) woman with a rich internal dialogue. I see someone who is very loyal and dedicated and aware of how she affects those around her. I see someone who is admirable and who seems to be gathering momentum and setting goals and carving her way in the world. In my opinion you are someone that I would like to have as a friend. There are a lot of people who get swept along by a lot of external motion and noise for years, who have no idea who they are. I think your restlessness right now is a good sign, I have a similar feeling. For the first time in a long time I don't feel like I am simply getting tossed around by circumstances out of my control. Being in control and clear is something that I am getting used to, but the fact that I am ready to expand my world I think stems from the fact that I am feeling pretty safe with where I am.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Originally Posted by zjw
sometimes you have to talk positive to yourself. and realize that other peoples negative thoughts about you are theres or there issue not yours. People have called me a wuss all my life I told my wife today if i did X everyone would say oh he's a quiter he's a wuss. she says yes they would because you would be quiting. I turned to her and said then they can try walking a mile in my shoes and find out who the real wussy's are!
People can say a lot of things but you cant let it eat at you chances are its there problem or there warped interpretation of things etc..
People can say a lot of things but you cant let it eat at you chances are its there problem or there warped interpretation of things etc..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Thanks everyone for your kind words
I am going to Michigan in September to visit my brother and his fiancee. I thought autumn would be nice because my last trip to the US was a tour of Route 66, and Texas in July nearly killed me.
Life is funny...I was over at my Grans today. My Gran is 89 years young and her mind is still as sharp as a razor. She wanted me to help her have a bath and fix her hair. My aunt said she would do it...but my Gran said "no, I want Tetra to help me". I was shampooing her hair and I was shocked at how frail she is...she looks like a 9 year old boy. She took my hand and said "I wish you could understand how young you still are...life is so short so don't worry about a thing...we are all just passing through anyway".
I am going to Michigan in September to visit my brother and his fiancee. I thought autumn would be nice because my last trip to the US was a tour of Route 66, and Texas in July nearly killed me.
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
LOL Carlotta! Oh that is too much, seriously. Haha.
And Tetra is coming to America! U-S-A! Where are you going? It's a big country, are you going to NYC? LA? Chicago? Miami? I've talked to lots of foreigners who visit the States, because a lot of them stay with me, as I host travelers from all over the world in my flat here in Chicago. It's part of my little "side business" that I sometimes babble about....ANYWAY:
As for being the crazy aunt, I hear you. When I was early in recovery I used to joke to my little 1 year-old niece (within ear-shot of her parents) "Do you love your unemployed, recovering alcoholic uncle?", and she would always smile and hug me and it was good for a morbid laugh from the crowd. But you know what, I don't think that's really who I am, and I don't think she will think of me that way. I'm going to be the uncle that comes to town for the holidays and amazes my niece and nephew with stories of volcanoes, temples, mountains and remote islands. I think you can be "that" kind of aunt too, Tetra. You will be special to them in your own way. You have a lot to offer and I'm sure your future relatives will be quite happy to have you around!
And Tetra is coming to America! U-S-A! Where are you going? It's a big country, are you going to NYC? LA? Chicago? Miami? I've talked to lots of foreigners who visit the States, because a lot of them stay with me, as I host travelers from all over the world in my flat here in Chicago. It's part of my little "side business" that I sometimes babble about....ANYWAY:
As for being the crazy aunt, I hear you. When I was early in recovery I used to joke to my little 1 year-old niece (within ear-shot of her parents) "Do you love your unemployed, recovering alcoholic uncle?", and she would always smile and hug me and it was good for a morbid laugh from the crowd. But you know what, I don't think that's really who I am, and I don't think she will think of me that way. I'm going to be the uncle that comes to town for the holidays and amazes my niece and nephew with stories of volcanoes, temples, mountains and remote islands. I think you can be "that" kind of aunt too, Tetra. You will be special to them in your own way. You have a lot to offer and I'm sure your future relatives will be quite happy to have you around!
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