It just keeps getting worse....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
It just keeps getting worse....
I am already getting tired of my now 2nd attempt to sober up... Today is day 3 (again) and last week I did something that scared the hell out of me.. After coming home from a night of drinking, I decided to make some food... You guessed it - I fell asleep during the process and my place was filled with smoke... Not really sure how I got up to turn the oven off, but HP must have stepped in to help me with that one...... Well, back on the wagon I go - I can't afford a 3rd relapse...
OH SH!T
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
HEY T-G,IT TAKES WHAT IT TAKES TO FINALLY GET IT.YOUR TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO JUST GOT OFF A 12 DAY'R 1/2 GALLON A DAY.I MADE IT BACK T/Y HP.THER IS A PLAN FOR YOU MY FRIEND,YOU HAVEN'T COME THIS FAR FOR NOTHING.LET GO,LET GOD!.......ted 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 110
Hey T-G, welcome back!
You've just come back from the place that I'm realllllly afraid to go to. When I sobered / cleaned up, I thought that grass was the thing which had the strongest pull - but the most explicit dreams have been about alcohol. My fear is that I was pretty high-bottom on the way in, but that going out could be hard and nasty.
Hang in there, you've made it 3 days so you can do another 24 hours. BTW, do you have any support system like meetings? I guessed when I came in that I couldn't stay stopped without a program, but there's no guessing about that now.
James
You've just come back from the place that I'm realllllly afraid to go to. When I sobered / cleaned up, I thought that grass was the thing which had the strongest pull - but the most explicit dreams have been about alcohol. My fear is that I was pretty high-bottom on the way in, but that going out could be hard and nasty.
Hang in there, you've made it 3 days so you can do another 24 hours. BTW, do you have any support system like meetings? I guessed when I came in that I couldn't stay stopped without a program, but there's no guessing about that now.
James
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Hi Toronto,
Glad you are trying again; you may have to try many times to truly understand the value of abstinance. And then again, maybe your second attempt will stick. Do not be too hard on yourself-you are learning something very new-to live life without drinking. And make no mistake-you do not need to drink. Learn from each experience (yes, the relapse as well).
Years ago when I was first trying to stop drinking I would come home and cook, inexplicably, brussel sprouts. (don't know why I always had those around). NOTHING smells worse than burned brussel sprouts! My apartment neighbors hated me...
Good luck,
Gianna
Glad you are trying again; you may have to try many times to truly understand the value of abstinance. And then again, maybe your second attempt will stick. Do not be too hard on yourself-you are learning something very new-to live life without drinking. And make no mistake-you do not need to drink. Learn from each experience (yes, the relapse as well).
Years ago when I was first trying to stop drinking I would come home and cook, inexplicably, brussel sprouts. (don't know why I always had those around). NOTHING smells worse than burned brussel sprouts! My apartment neighbors hated me...
Good luck,
Gianna
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Under The Stars
Posts: 47
TG,
Been there, done that! The event in my day I looked so forward to was cooking a yummy fattening meal between the hours of 10:00 p.m. and 12:00 after an evening of getting high on wine! One evening I proceeded to make a frozen pizza for my hubby and me, popped the pizza in the oven, did a few chores in the kitchen, decided it was time for bed and off I went, somehow I managed to turn off all the lights in the house which triggered my hubby to "come and check on me". Thank God he did, the pizza was burnt to a crisp, the house filled up with smoke, and the worst part, our 2 year old fast asleep in his crib! Thought that event would wake me up, but oh no! I've started over so many times I've stopped counting!
After a bender weekend I managed to not drink last night! As I stood in the shower this morning thanking my HP for just one night of not drinking I realize I have a very tough road ahead of me! I live next door to neighbors that drink like fish and unfortunately always turn to us to be their drinking buddies. My husband is able to nurse 1 to 3 beers and be done with it! I on the other hand can't! 1, 3, 5 beers is just never enough for me, I like to be on the verge of passing out, fooling myself that'll I'll be just fine in the morning, no hangover, etc....... I''m never fine!
The neighbors are on vacation this week, making it doubly hard but as I stood there thinking, oh boy, I'm gonna miss the fun tonight by not drinking it occured to me, this isn't fun anymore! The guilt, hangovers, emotional downs. The way I felt this morning hangover free, guilt free, now that's living!!!
Working on day 2, please pray for me!
Been there, done that! The event in my day I looked so forward to was cooking a yummy fattening meal between the hours of 10:00 p.m. and 12:00 after an evening of getting high on wine! One evening I proceeded to make a frozen pizza for my hubby and me, popped the pizza in the oven, did a few chores in the kitchen, decided it was time for bed and off I went, somehow I managed to turn off all the lights in the house which triggered my hubby to "come and check on me". Thank God he did, the pizza was burnt to a crisp, the house filled up with smoke, and the worst part, our 2 year old fast asleep in his crib! Thought that event would wake me up, but oh no! I've started over so many times I've stopped counting!
After a bender weekend I managed to not drink last night! As I stood in the shower this morning thanking my HP for just one night of not drinking I realize I have a very tough road ahead of me! I live next door to neighbors that drink like fish and unfortunately always turn to us to be their drinking buddies. My husband is able to nurse 1 to 3 beers and be done with it! I on the other hand can't! 1, 3, 5 beers is just never enough for me, I like to be on the verge of passing out, fooling myself that'll I'll be just fine in the morning, no hangover, etc....... I''m never fine!
The neighbors are on vacation this week, making it doubly hard but as I stood there thinking, oh boy, I'm gonna miss the fun tonight by not drinking it occured to me, this isn't fun anymore! The guilt, hangovers, emotional downs. The way I felt this morning hangover free, guilt free, now that's living!!!
Working on day 2, please pray for me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Toronto,Ontario
Posts: 1,027
Thanks for all your reply folks, as always - much appreciated.
James, my support structure is not really existant aside from this forum.. I know where to find a meeting though, and will do my best to attend.... Little scared of taking that step, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that is much needed.
Suckerpunched, stay strong and sober.. I am... Being at the office hepls, it's when I get in weird/angry/upset/stressed moods I tend to hit the bottle.... As a side note - how did you get rid of the nasty smell ? It has been almost a week and my place still is nasty.
Hope all of you are having a good sober day.
Much love,
TG28
James, my support structure is not really existant aside from this forum.. I know where to find a meeting though, and will do my best to attend.... Little scared of taking that step, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that is much needed.
Suckerpunched, stay strong and sober.. I am... Being at the office hepls, it's when I get in weird/angry/upset/stressed moods I tend to hit the bottle.... As a side note - how did you get rid of the nasty smell ? It has been almost a week and my place still is nasty.
Hope all of you are having a good sober day.
Much love,
TG28
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Toronto,
Just checking in to see how you are doing. One wonderful thing about going to AA is that you find out how alone you....AREN'T!! AA served me well for many years and you will be amazed at the people who attend. In a city like Toronto you will have a cross-section of humanity: rich/poor, famous/not so, wonderful/jerks. It is quite an experience, and nothing to fear. Just remember, everyone there has a problem with drinking (at closed meetings). Open meetings are for anyone, family, friends etc.
When you are new, AA is a great source of information and companionship. And all you have to do is walk in the door and listen.
Suckerpunched, good to see you!
Hugs, Gianna
Just checking in to see how you are doing. One wonderful thing about going to AA is that you find out how alone you....AREN'T!! AA served me well for many years and you will be amazed at the people who attend. In a city like Toronto you will have a cross-section of humanity: rich/poor, famous/not so, wonderful/jerks. It is quite an experience, and nothing to fear. Just remember, everyone there has a problem with drinking (at closed meetings). Open meetings are for anyone, family, friends etc.
When you are new, AA is a great source of information and companionship. And all you have to do is walk in the door and listen.
Suckerpunched, good to see you!
Hugs, Gianna
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Florham Park, nj
Posts: 85
Suckerpunched, I can relate to you so much. A woman who can out drink her man. i know how you feel...wanting to drink until you go to bed then thinking you can handle it. How stupid right. I'm with ya woman! 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Under The Stars
Posts: 47
Bradley004, we must have alot in common! My son's name is, ironically enough, Bradley! How are you doing on your drinking??? I'm going to make it another night, I made plans to ensure I wouldn't be encouraged to drink this evening, I'll be spending the evening with my mom and sister, two very non-drinkers! I'm still struggling though because I relate drinking and fun as one in the same! I have not discussed my "giving up drinking again" with my husband because he doesn't believe me anymore anyways, but, we've been invited several places for the upcoming holiday! He suggested we spend the holiday with his mom and brother, which I consider to be extremely boring, no drinking going on there, but, the more I think about it, he's doing me a huge favor! I'm learning how to find fun in life again without alcohol, why is it so difficult???
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Florham Park, nj
Posts: 85
Suckerpunched, I went 45 days last winter and trust me it was awesome. We have created in our minds that fun/alchohol go together. I am with you on that one but have to tell you IT DOES GET BETTER. I am starting all over...the 45 days ended on V-Day and I broke up with my then bf...went down hill ever since. But now, I am ready to give it up all together. I try to look at my "moderation" as needing to not drink at all. Not sure about you but even when I do have one or two I get so dam depressed AND in my mind I want more...THAT to me is the worst. Thinking about when you will get the next one, blah blah.
I learned to associate fun w/out drinking. At first it may seem boring..but after awhile you will see the beauty in things again. When I was in my 45 days of sobriety I can tell you when I first went back to drinking it was hideous. I missed going to bed sober...I missed being more productive and didn't like my mind even with one or two (which is how it started).
I want to give it up now. I hate it.
I learned to associate fun w/out drinking. At first it may seem boring..but after awhile you will see the beauty in things again. When I was in my 45 days of sobriety I can tell you when I first went back to drinking it was hideous. I missed going to bed sober...I missed being more productive and didn't like my mind even with one or two (which is how it started).
I want to give it up now. I hate it.
Pretty Is As Pretty Does
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Edmonton Alberta
Posts: 82
Fun and booze, yep, hand in hand, or so I thought. Not anymore.
"Not drinking isn't a punishment (no more fun), it is a burden lifted" words from my sponsor. Interesting how certain words, phrases and expereinces I hear from different people are starting to stick!! Love that!
You take care of number one, you.
Christine
"Not drinking isn't a punishment (no more fun), it is a burden lifted" words from my sponsor. Interesting how certain words, phrases and expereinces I hear from different people are starting to stick!! Love that!
You take care of number one, you.
Christine
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: germany
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by TorontoGuy28
I am already getting tired of my now 2nd attempt to sober up... Today is day 3 (again) and last week I did something that scared the hell out of me.. After coming home from a night of drinking, I decided to make some food... You guessed it - I fell asleep during the process and my place was filled with smoke... Not really sure how I got up to turn the oven off, but HP must have stepped in to help me with that one...... Well, back on the wagon I go - I can't afford a 3rd relapse...
One of the things that really makes me to search for the bottle, is the shame, the panic (O **** , i am drunk again) , nerves that you are finished...
SO, DONT WORRY, the life goes on and you will stop drinking. Then I have more power to fight. The life is quite more esteemed, to be wasted in ditches!
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