Back at it. Off the wagon again.
 

This will sound like whining and it probably is. Well I did 60 days clean and sober then thought I could manage and handle my drinking. I realize I am spinning out of control again and doing stupid irresponsible things like having unprotected sex and random "hook ups" with strangers in black-out state. I'm frequenting bars again and drinking heavily again.

Humiliating myself is drunken states like an idiot and having people use me and treat me like garbage. I don't know what is going to happen but I'm drinking again and hate the stupid choices I make and things I say but crave alcohol.

I'm a real chronic alcoholic suffering from alcoholism. I've blacked out twice this week. I think I am going to a meeting tonight for the first time I am so tired of this cycle.

Sorry for complaining and whining I feel isolated, alone and confused with nobody to talk to. This is getting ridiculous.

I've been there too, and it sucks. Going to a meeting sounds like a great first step - good luck.

Don't think of it as going "on"' and "off" the wagon, think of it as making a very needed lifestyle change.
I am glad you decided to go to a meeting, that's a good first step.

Hi. Going to meetingS is a positive step along with not picking up the first drink. For a couple of years I acted very undisciplined and drank AT situations never successfully. I needed to surrender to a healthy lifestyle and become involved in the fellowship to become sober. It works if we work it.

BE WELL

I hope you went to the meeting and I hope it helped. Keep reaching out for help. You can quit again.

For me, sometimes, I don't think I deserve to be treated well. But we all deserve to be treated well and to treat ourselves well, including you.

for you -- just waiting
 

worried about you
as you are as you know in a very high risk group (possible disease and or death)
the meeting is a great idea
stick with the meetings for a while
you will meet many sober ones
who when they speak of their past will remind you of you

there can be recovery from all of this -- for you -- just waiting

MM

I really hope you go to the meeting coco...and connect with people...get some numbers to call...maybe a sponsor? :dunno:

Couldn't be worse than your life right now, right?

D
D

Go to the meeting and tell them you need help. :hug: You don't have to feel this way anymore.

Blackouts dont happen to normal drinkers. Its good to seek help, AA is very successful if you have the willingness and open-mindedness to go with it.

You're amongst peers here, and its not "whining" to be honest. Places like this wouldnt exist if there was an easy solution.

C'mon get to a meeting and listen to the other people in the room, you will find a lot of similarities which, for me, was a big relief! Keep going to meetings drinking or not, don't be put off by anyone and notice the people who have decent lengths of sobriety and seem happy.

I could never last long by myself when I tried to stop drinking, it might be a few days it might be a few months but at some point I would think that life is so ****/dull/boring/unbearable/miserable/lonely that I might as well take a drink and then I was on that roller coaster again!

You can turn this around honestly and it's going to take you changing and doing something different this time. Let us know how you get on:-)

Only advice I can give is if you slip up , once you start drinking

Try to controll how much .

I wish to hell I could quit , about I seem to do is controll volume.

Can't seem to totally quit

Hope you are ok xxxx

This is the last posting since I have been on this forum - its a year later. I started heavily drinking daily again shortly after this last post and ended up into the same lifestyle and ended up going out of town to a larger city and things got out of hand. I ended up in jail last year amongst other crazy events.

I'm 25 days sober as of today and dieting and exercising again to get rid of the weight I put back on.. time flies.. not sure what I'm going to do this time… *shrug*

Why don't you try to leverage SR for support. You know, like not waiting a year to post :-)

Posting daily, at least reading, seems to keep people in the recovery mode. And if you struggle, you can post here before you fall back on drinking.

I'm with Carl on this one. Welcome back and we will all do what we can to help you share this load. I would very much like you to share regularly though because that way you can appreciate the severity of what's going on.

When you were in jail, did you think to yourself that your life would improve if you stopped drinking?

cocopuff - did you ever make it to any meetings?

Welcome back. I know I've definitely 'been-there-done-that' when it comes to long relapses. There's always a chance to turn it around and make it work - it's just a matter of finding the right tools & support to make it happen.

We're alcoholics, and willpower alone often isn't enough.

I just caught a picture of myself one day and I looked horrible again - disgusting really and decided it was just that time to get sober again. Haven't thought about attending meetings - haven't been feeling too social these days. Thanks for the support here.

No, not at that time.

Welcome back and congrats on 25 days :)

I really recommend you devise a plan tho - whether it's posting here daily, AA or some other recovery group, or whatever.

To be honest, not having a plan pretty much ensures that what happened last time - a few drinks here, a few drinks there, and then a year of uncontrolled drinking - is likely to happen again, or worse.

If you want a different outcome, do different things :)

D