Tetra

I had a good few days. Job interview yesterday. Went for a long walk today and applied for three more jobs. I am a bit tired at times but nothing too bad.

My mother Drives. Me. Nuts.

I cannot explain to people exactly what is wrong with my mother. At least paranoid-depression. Won't leave the house because she thinks the neighbours are laughing at our crazy family. Imagines very negative things that didn't happen.

I find the constant, never-ending stream of negativity and criticism incredibly draining and upsetting. Yes, I have had serious problems in the past but I am working through them and I am almost five months sober.

I used to get myoclonic jerks. A myoclonic jerk is the brief, involuntary twitching of a muscle or group of muscles. It may be caused either by a sudden muscle contraction, or a sudden lapse of contraction. But I am doing just fine since I quit booze and take my half tablet at night. Every so often, when I am busy at something, I can see my mother watching me out of the corner of my eye. Do you know how annoying it is to have somebody constantly studying you? Looking for something wrong? Then tonight she said "did I see your arm twitching?" No, she didn't. She said it again. Then she wanted to know when I was due to see my neurologist again. (For the record, he is happy with my progress and I have an appointment for 2015.) And we were off...her worry is causing her to imagine things that are not there.

I have to keep reminding myself that what my mother says is opinion, not fact. I know I cannot keep getting upset everytime she says something because then I would be upset all the time. My dad says that as long as I am doing what I am supposed to (i.e. stay sober) then there is no need for me to get upset like this. But she just pushes my buttons...

It's other little things too. Like I am saving money to go visit my brother in the U.S. She said "you can't travel on your own. What if you faint on the way over. I will have to go with you".

My therapist thinks she is trying to keep control over me. That she wants to have me in the house to take care of her in her old age. But I find it hard to accept that she would be so devious. All I have heard for the past 10 years is my mom complaining about her sisters "those bitches Jane and Sally". I have had the chance to spend some time with Aunt Sally over the past few months, and I was surprised at how normal she is, not at all like my mother described. I said as much to my dad and he said "I have told you, you have to let most things your mom says in one ear and out the other". My therapist says the exact same thing to me...but I am finding this incredibly difficult.

I just bought a book "Understanding Codependency: The Science behind it and how to Break the Cycle" and I am looking forward to getting stuck in tonight. This was pointed out to me before by a member of this forum.

I am aware that there are people out there who have worse problems than I do, so thanks for letting me get somethings off my chest. I do feel a bit lighter now. Sometimes I think I am mad. Is there hope for me?

Dee74

From what I read these are your mothers problems Tetra not yours
Of course there is hooe for you!

Aside from your Mum, your life is looking pretty good to me right now...

No chance of moving out?

D

sugarbear1

be a duck and let it all roll off your back

you didn't cause her to be like this, you can't control her and you can't change her

sending YOU lots of Love & Hugs!

PurpleKnight

Just keep doing what your doing!!

You're remaining Sober and that's what will open doors in life!!

HeadLump

Yes, Tetra, 5 months sober, applying for jobs and arranging a trip abroad? Sounds like you're doing ok to me!

Dee is right (as always!) This is your mum's problem, not yours

SoberLeigh

Human relationships are complicated and, although it runs counter-intuitive to what we would expect, the mother/son relationship is no exception. We are, after all, mere imperfect beings.

Time and distance may offer some improvement in your relationship. I hope so.

Hang in there, tetra.

KateL

Chin up. You are doing great. Don't let others drag you down xxxxx

GroundhogDay

It sounds to me like you are definitely not crazy. Sounds like you are doing very well, in fact

newman23

Hey Tetra. I'm with Dee. Any chance of moving out? I can completely relate to what you're going through. My mom pretty much does the same thing with our neighbors and is consumed with paranoia, stress, anxiety, and depression. I had to move to out because it was simply too stressful to deal with.

Congrats on remaining sober even with that going on! It shows strength, and in strength comes hope. So yes, I believe you have hope

matt4x4

You got to look at yourself, when you get upset, look at why you get upset and stop blaming other people. Only you control your actions and your thoughts and how you react.

Groovitational

So happy for you on your sober time. I've read a lot of your posts way back. You seem to be very loving and caring towards your mother and especially patient and following your heart when you don't wanna believe something is wrong with her. Get free, let her be.