behindblueyes

My friend just tore me apart over the phone. She has been drinking during the day for a while now while her 3 year old is home. She doesn't work and her husband works two jobs to support her family. Her other child is 9.

She was extremely wasted Sunday. I was concerned because she was drunk texting me nonsense and the last text that came thru was "Im so wasted ust started but Im such a drunk". Then silence. I knew her husband was at work and the kids were there alone. I texted a friend who used to be a cop in her area. Her parents live a few houses down he said and just forget it. Did I mention he was fired?

I couldn't get it off my mind. She woke up hours later but I didn't tell her my concern. The last time this happened, she had to have her husband leave work in the middle of his shift and go pick up their son from school. Yet she denies she has a problem.

Anyway, I left work today and my phone had tons of awful texts on it from her asking why I would tell former cop I was "concerned". I immediately called her. She screamed that it is none of my business what she does and that those are HER kids and HER house. I tried to explain she made it my business and she kept cutting me off. She told me she wants copies of the texts as proof in case I call CYS and she has her dad involved now in case I decide to "start trouble" (her dad is rich). I tried to keep her calm by saying I am a mom too and she would be concerned if I drunk texted at noon but it escalated.

She accused me of calling her a bad mom and I never did. I was just worried. Her three year old runs out of the house into the street all the time for no reason. I can't be expected to take the guilt of her actions if he gets hurt. She called ME a bad mom and brought up my DUI from 7 years ago. Why do I feel awful? Her husband is home and took her side that she can drink whenever she wants and told me to F off. She said if I talk to her again she will call police. What?

Am I really wrong here? Why do I feel guilty? Ty.

behindblueyes

Maybe I should have put this title as "Friends mom is putting childrens lives at risk by passing out at home with them every day" since it's been hour and no replies. I am thinking about calling the police at this point.

silentrun

It seems everyone is aware of her problem and for whatever reason choosing to minimize it. I really don't know what you can do about it. You said your peace. This is ONLY an opinion.

courage2

I feel for you in your predicament and your worry over the children. I think if you truly believe these children are suffering from abuse or neglect, you should call someone -- it looks like this website; https://www.childwelfare.gov/responding/how.cfm can give you guidance on whom to contact in your state. But it doesn't seem like you have a legal obligation or anything more than a bad feeling about neglect. Are the children fed? What do you mean about the 3 year old running into the street?

Deluxe

You are in a no win situation here. In fact my friend is going through something very, very similar, except she is the one that is being accused of having a drinking problem by a very catty meddling friend (not suggesting that you are similar in any way whatsoever. The accusations are unfounded).

I know the USA, assuming that is where you are from, is quite a litigious country. Tread carefully and be careful that you don't put yourself in a situation where you could be accused of defamation. Calling the police anonymously out of concern would in my opinion not put you in that situation.

At the end of the day do whatever you think is right. That is all any of us can do.

bluncain

I believe you behaved admirably, an asset to the community. X

Dee74

If you fear for the kids safety or well being then by all means involve the authorities.

Be aware it will end the friendship tho and you may face some angry repercussions.

D

KissMyTiara

It doesn't appear the father of the children or her Dad think there is a problem and I'm sure they are closer to the situation. I would step away.

behindblueyes

The three year old she has is very hyperactive. She has to lock him inside and he still runs outside their house and around it all the time for fun. She stays up all night drinking and naps during the day when he is around and up. She has posted pictures at 2am drunk with that child still awake.

Hope4Life

Sounds like a family of drunks.... I appreciate and respect your concern but I think I would let them handle it. I feel sorry for the kids but there is nothing you can do. You should not feel guilty for being concerned about the kids safety.

I tried to get more info from your profile but there isn't much there. Are you still drinking? Do you get together with her and drink at times? If that is the case then I can understand you being upset. Alcohol use causes drama, a LOT of drama! If you are not drinking, I would say to concentrate on your own recovery. Excuse me if this is harsh but... It sounds as though she has ended your friendship and while that is sad, do you really need a drunk as your best friend? Let it be.

I think the 3 C's apply very well here...You didn't Cause it. You can't Change it. You can't Control it.

Music

If this is the case, why aren't you on the phone with the Department of Children and Family Services? Or, you could always wait until the little one gets run over or is found injured or worse, and then ask yourself the same question.

KateL

I think I would call the social services, you don't even need to leave your name. Someone did that to me once and I don't blame them xx

wanttobehealthy

Call Child Protective Services... IF something happens to those kids and you had these concerns and didn't report it, you will feel horrible...

The kids cant advocate for themselves and someone with sense who is removed from the alcoholic merry go round in that family needs to.

You can call and report it anonymously.

If they decide it's worth investigating you'll know your concerns were well founded. And if your friend is angry about that, that's her issue.

She is an alcoholic and is of course going to be angry that someone is calling out her drinking...

And her throwing your own DUI in your face is a typical alcoholic move too-- deflect deflect deflect rather than look at your legit concerns as a mom for her kids safety.

You're a good mom and good friend and those kids need someone who is sane advocating for them.

whiskeyman

The safety of children is paramount. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY at all.

soberclover

Make the call.....sometimes we adults have to advocate for the children because they cannot.

readerbaby71

Call CYS and cut them all off. I am so sorry this is happening to you. At least if you call you'll know you've done all you can. Block her number, texts, email, FB, etc.....It's so tough when kids are involved.

jdooner

First you need to be honest with yourself if the situation is as bad or if you are rationalizing your actions to ease your own ego. This is not a cut, so please don't take it that way, I ust know I have let myself believe somethign when I let myself believe it.

Second assuming the child is running into the Street you have no choice but to call CPS. That child does not have a voice at 3 and you need to help him/her.

Third, Do not try to fix their problems (other than the immediate need of the 3yo). You need to focus on you and your sobriety and cleaning your side of the Street. You will have done everythign you can and anymore will be feeding your ego, which will serve to hurt only you and your family.

SteveJr

Throwing in my .02, I agree to call the dept of social services. Not the police.
It's my understanding, they need to open an investigation & if this mother is drinking during the day & night, it's only going to get worse down the line and social services will be able to determine that this is a dangerous place for those children, and take the appropriate action. I think you could then live with the peace that you have done your part.

I believe if you involve the police, and if she gets arrested (child neglect or something) and there's a criminal trial or something, you'll more than likely have to testify & you'd have to unnecessarily be involved in this mess.