Dating sober
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by freethinking 
Stop making so much sense in your posts. Thank you.
And the next time that I AM going off the rails on a crazy train, I damn well expect YOU to set MY butt straight.
Poison Eater Extraordinaire
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 1,031
Originally Posted by alphaomega
Lol. There is a "familiarity" in our stories. I'll leave it at that.
And the next time that I AM going off the rails on a crazy train, I damn well expect YOU to set MY butt straight.
And the next time that I AM going off the rails on a crazy train, I damn well expect YOU to set MY butt straight.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
LOL, DON'T DO IT!!!
You have no business trying to find people date, married or not. You need to work on your recovery. Period.
Do you:
go to meetings
see a therapist
work the steps with a sponsor
Work on YOU!
Hugs!
You have no business trying to find people date, married or not. You need to work on your recovery. Period.
Do you:
go to meetings
see a therapist
work the steps with a sponsor
Work on YOU!
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,994
Originally Posted by ImperfectlyMe
Alpha that Robert Frost quote is how I'm currently living my life, and amazing things happen!
"The best way OUT is always THROUGH"
"The best way OUT is always THROUGH"
Freethinking, please consider the opinions of the good people here.
I'd respectfully suggest that you might want to discuss your feeling a bit manic-ey with your doctor, perhaps your medication regimen may need to be tweaked a little bit?
Look after you.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
AAsharon, One of the most beautifully candid and honest posts I've seen here.... Ever! Your words and story will stay with me for a long time. I am very moved by your story and how you've turned your life around. Thank you!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
I just started dating and have almost 3 years of dating.
You already have a husband, why lead anyone else on now?
maybe stay stopped and after a year or two of soberthinking, you might have something to share with your husband, let alone some poor guy off the street.
You already have a husband, why lead anyone else on now?
maybe stay stopped and after a year or two of soberthinking, you might have something to share with your husband, let alone some poor guy off the street.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
My totally hot [and only] Wife of many Decades wrinkles her Nose re: Affairs and opines 'they'd be WAY too much work'. All the lying and remembering what prior 'white lies' were told, etc.. I need that Guano in my Life like a hole in the Head. She and I both got WAY busy in and after College before we met, so we're not sitting around wondering 'what if'?
Once you 'date', you could expect a jammin' Cellphone of Texts and Voicemails from Guys thinking they've got a Fish on their Line, and lots of drama you don't need right now. If I were on the prowl, I figger some Babe in a Bar who admits to being married and there 'voluntarily' wants to shag later. Hey, a bunch of Folks in a Pizza Parlor are probably there for Pizza, right? Even if you didn't hit the Bar Scene, there would be plenty of pressure to at least pound some Wine someplace private to get the ole Liquid Courage up.
Besides your readily-admitted state-of-mind, claiming you're not sure what your Husband thinks is a major Red Flag. 'True' Swingers [not Amateurs] seem to ground what they do in total disclosure and honesty. And, mutual participation most all the time. You're not even close to there, based on your Posts.
My observations are way secondary in importance to what others here have wisely said.
K.I.S.S.. Focus on the immediate, and chip away at improving your 'first order' needs. What I believe would be an imminent/likely Sobriety lapse would be seriously-bad News for your Recovery. Bringing home an STD wouldn't exactly help, either. A Gal Pal got Herpes this way. 'Tis forever... Hard to believe, but we Guys have been known to lie. I read that in a Book.
Once you 'date', you could expect a jammin' Cellphone of Texts and Voicemails from Guys thinking they've got a Fish on their Line, and lots of drama you don't need right now. If I were on the prowl, I figger some Babe in a Bar who admits to being married and there 'voluntarily' wants to shag later. Hey, a bunch of Folks in a Pizza Parlor are probably there for Pizza, right? Even if you didn't hit the Bar Scene, there would be plenty of pressure to at least pound some Wine someplace private to get the ole Liquid Courage up.
Besides your readily-admitted state-of-mind, claiming you're not sure what your Husband thinks is a major Red Flag. 'True' Swingers [not Amateurs] seem to ground what they do in total disclosure and honesty. And, mutual participation most all the time. You're not even close to there, based on your Posts.
My observations are way secondary in importance to what others here have wisely said.
K.I.S.S.. Focus on the immediate, and chip away at improving your 'first order' needs. What I believe would be an imminent/likely Sobriety lapse would be seriously-bad News for your Recovery. Bringing home an STD wouldn't exactly help, either. A Gal Pal got Herpes this way. 'Tis forever... Hard to believe, but we Guys have been known to lie. I read that in a Book.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
What would you imagine the mental/emotional maturity of a man that sees a married alcoholic mother of three relationship material is?
I think your life is complicated enough without bringing the emotional dissonance that dating would cause. Take some time to care for yourself.
I think your life is complicated enough without bringing the emotional dissonance that dating would cause. Take some time to care for yourself.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
I just started dating and have almost 3 years of dating.
You already have a husband, why lead anyone else on now?
maybe stay stopped and after a year or two of soberthinking, you might have something to share with your husband, let alone some poor guy off the street.
You already have a husband, why lead anyone else on now?
maybe stay stopped and after a year or two of soberthinking, you might have something to share with your husband, let alone some poor guy off the street.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I, too, have a dear friend, who had gotten dumped at the altar and went on the prowl. Unlike me who was the worlds biggest hooker in college, she was a good girl. She was (is) a really REALLY great person who was just in pain and trying to obliterate that. Never a ****, never slept around.
One night, in a desperate attempt to ameliorate that said pain, she slept with a guy she brought home from a bar. He told her he was clean . She believed him.
She got herpes from that single encounter.
When she comfronted him months later, he told her he purposely gave it to her so she would forever remain HIS.
There are some scary people out there.
Tread lightly.
One night, in a desperate attempt to ameliorate that said pain, she slept with a guy she brought home from a bar. He told her he was clean . She believed him.
She got herpes from that single encounter.
When she comfronted him months later, he told her he purposely gave it to her so she would forever remain HIS.
There are some scary people out there.
Tread lightly.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Having severely jeapordized my marriage due to a "virtual" relationship with and old flame while I was drinking I'd like to tell you that you are completely out of your mind, but then again I probably was too when I thought I could get away with it.
Suffice it to say, you will absolutely regret your decision if you choose to start having relations outside your marriage, even if they are just virtual. So will your kids.
Suffice it to say, you will absolutely regret your decision if you choose to start having relations outside your marriage, even if they are just virtual. So will your kids.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I think back on the many encounters I
had in the past and could have easily
contracted some sort of sexual disease.
As much as I was careful, particular of
whom I was close to, it did scare me.
But under the enfluence, the desires of
the body wants wha it wants never thinking
about consequences.
When I did get sober and began learning
the steps, honesty came into mind big time.
Like as if I needed to emmediately correct
the wrongs I had don in the past. The people
I had also wronged. I wanted a clean slate
so that I could heal and remain sober.
I did go to my physician in early recovery
and had all those tests done to make sure
I hadn't contracted anything deadly to put
my mind at ease. Everything was great.
Thank God.
Today, I no longer have to worry about looking
for someone outside my marriage, because, 1st
of all, Ive been blessed with an awesome husband,
placed in my life at the right time not long after
my 1st marriage ended that lasted 25yrs. This new
marriage is 5 yrs old and is filled with love,
honesty, communication, understanding, care,
Faith and Recovery all combined together for
a truly wonderful gift from Above.
Gifts and Promises do happen in recovery
provided by what I put into my recovery
program. The result are absolutely amazing.
Recovery is a journey of changes and
growing all along the way. That is why
we follow those steps provided to us as
a guideline to help us achieve those
promises as stated in the Big Book .
There no rush, no deadline to meet
in recovery as we all take our steps
at our own pace to achieve sobriety
in a happy, healthy, honest way of
life.
had in the past and could have easily
contracted some sort of sexual disease.
As much as I was careful, particular of
whom I was close to, it did scare me.
But under the enfluence, the desires of
the body wants wha it wants never thinking
about consequences.
When I did get sober and began learning
the steps, honesty came into mind big time.
Like as if I needed to emmediately correct
the wrongs I had don in the past. The people
I had also wronged. I wanted a clean slate
so that I could heal and remain sober.
I did go to my physician in early recovery
and had all those tests done to make sure
I hadn't contracted anything deadly to put
my mind at ease. Everything was great.
Thank God.
Today, I no longer have to worry about looking
for someone outside my marriage, because, 1st
of all, Ive been blessed with an awesome husband,
placed in my life at the right time not long after
my 1st marriage ended that lasted 25yrs. This new
marriage is 5 yrs old and is filled with love,
honesty, communication, understanding, care,
Faith and Recovery all combined together for
a truly wonderful gift from Above.
Gifts and Promises do happen in recovery
provided by what I put into my recovery
program. The result are absolutely amazing.
Recovery is a journey of changes and
growing all along the way. That is why
we follow those steps provided to us as
a guideline to help us achieve those
promises as stated in the Big Book .
There no rush, no deadline to meet
in recovery as we all take our steps
at our own pace to achieve sobriety
in a happy, healthy, honest way of
life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Any inkling I had about going to a bar and hooking up despite the fact that I am married was dispelled when I thought of the type of loser I would attract.
Some other desperate alcoholic. Yuck.
Some other desperate alcoholic. Yuck.
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