Robin66

Hi again everybody. I relapsed in October when my cat died. Now, I relapsed again because I just found out my father has Alzheimers. He's been different the past couple years but I was in denial and chalked it up to "oh well, he's getting older". Well, it's not that. It's way worse than just getting older. What is happening to him is like a horror show to me.

I feel overwhelmed and scared and freaked out by this and some other things in my life. I've been diligently looking for a job and cannot find one. Very depressing. I drank almost every day for about a week. I started feeling psychotic from drinking so much. I stopped a few days ago and feel a little better.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. You guys always make me feel better and I love this site. It has really helped me in the past few years. Happy Spring! Robin

sunrise1

If I might offer you some insight...

I found I could not stay quit as long as I believed outside forces were the "reason" I drank. For me, it shifted the responsibility for my drinking somewhere else, some situation I did not have control over.

We will have these things happen all through our lives. It's how we choose to deal with them that will either maintain or crush our sobriety. We all have to find ways to cope that don't involve alcohol or we could easily make it all the way to the grave believing outside forces "made" us drink.

Hang in there and continue to stick around here and post. Lots of coping ways to be had as well as support. You can do this. Accept responsibility for your sobriety and protect it at all costs.

best, s

SoberLeigh

I am so sorry to hear about your father. You will need much strength and resolve in the comings days, weeks and years.

Your father may progress slowly through Alzheimer's or he may progress quickly; each case is so different. Either way, your relationship will likely change drastically; you will become the parent, he the child.

One suggestion I have is that you write down all of the things about your father that you hold dear - the kind of a person that he is; memories and moments that you have shared; the moments that you ran to him as a child for comfort - anything. As the person you once knew disappears, refer to that list to remind yourself that the person you no longer recognize is one and the same person about whom you wrote the list.

This disease will challenge both of you. You may want to find a support groupbto help you navigate this new path.

Michael66

Hey there Robin.

God bless you, I can see you're dealing with some hurdles in life at the moment.

Sending thoughts and prayers your way. Hang in there. And hang around here.

least

I'm sorry to hear about your father, but how will drinking help?

Gottalife

There was never an external cause that made me drink, though if I needed an excuse to justify my behaviour, i could always come up with one.

I drank because I am alcoholic, I had no real choice in it, it's just what I did.

When I was first sent to rehab by the courts I stayed sober for 3 or 4 months then drank again. I could have used any number of excuses but here is the truth.

I relapsed because I refused to do what is necessary to stay sober.

I would not attend AA, take any actions suggested in the steps or by the doctors and counsellors in the rehab, and I refused to accept the serious nature of my condition. I clung to the delusion that one day my problems would turn out to be of some other cause.

Denial.. I'm not that bad, I don't need that kind of help, I can fix things myself, on and on and on.

Then alcohol defeated me. I experienced total powerlessness. I was ready to do what it takes, and have not needed to drink since, no matter what.

Robin66

Thanks for all the kind words and support (especially SoberLeigh - that's a lot of good advice) and also thanks to those who gave me a little "tough love"! I agree that I do drink due to "outside forces" like "Sunrise" talked about. I have a weakness there. Also, I agree with "least" who asked how drinking will help the situation with my father's illness. It will just make matters worse, I know that. I'm not very logical in that regard.

I see a therapist and we've talked about the fact that I relapse due to stressful events. I've learned to meditate and appreciate mindfulness and things like that. It does help a lot of the time. I'm still learning to cope with life's ups and downs I guess. Thanks again for all the advice and support. You've all given me something to think about. Robin

Brian316

Hi Robin, welcome and we are all glad you are here. I am sorry to hear about your cat and your dad. I can only imagine how hard dealing with a sick parent must be. I know something I regret sometimes is not being able to be there for someone 100% when they needed me because I was drunk. I hope you can stay sober to help your dad.

Mcribb

Your story sounds like me...I would get upset at the way my dad's illnesses made me feel. Completely forgetting to pray or think about him.