Tetra

My emotions are all over the place for the past few days...

Sometimes I look at my dad and I feel so guilty. My father looks like an old man these days. Well, he is about 68...

I wish I could ease his burdens a little bit. He has a lot going on. Dealing with my mom, my sister and me...financial worries, banks, you name it...

Last week we were in the car and we were chatting about the St Patrick's Day parade. He told me a story about how he brought me to the parade when I was about three, there was a group of tourists there who insisted on taking my picture. (I have seen my childhood photos, I was a cute kid...most children are cute.) When I looked over at him, he had tears in his eyes. I felt really bad then...he said if I relapsed again he would get pains in his stomach. He says he has enough on his plate without me adding to his stress and he needs me to BE STRONG.

I did some baking today while my parents were gardening. My mom came in and told me she was proud of me. It felt really odd because she has never said that to me before. Not at any of my graduations. She said my dad was asking about the cinnamony smell while he was walking in and out. She told him I was baking oatmeal and banana muffins and he was delighted. I didn't think that something so small could make such a difference. My dad smiled a big smile when he came in from the cold and I handed him a tray of tea, muffin, butter and jam.

My brother said something at the family day when I was in outpatient rehab...he told the group that his sweet sister had turned into a selfish cow who didn't say "thank you". I was thinking about that tonight.

I worry about my dad a lot. He has gotten so thin but refuses to go to the doctor. I know he has been doing a lot of manual work lately at their other house. I am trying to lighten the load, as he really has enough worries with my sister, my mom and his own brother.

It has always been the way that everyone would go to my dad for help and advice. My dad used to work in the legal field. I can't tell you how many cups of tea and plates of biscuits I used to dish up to people that would call to our house when I was a kid, looking for advice about whatever. Even today my aunt called over, she needs my dads help writing a piece for the paper about my recently deceased uncle. I don't think he has ever said "NO"!!!

On the 1st April I will be at five months. I am trying to think of myself less, and others more.

Tomorrow I am going to my Grans for the night, and then on Saturday I am going to Dublin with my best friend. I can't wait!!! Starbucks and Indian food, here we come!!! My folks are also planning a day trip of their own...I hope they will have a nice time...and forget about worries for a while.

I hope you all have a nice weekend, and thanks for letting me lighten my load xx

Tamerua

I like the thinking of others more, it helps. I am proud of you too! You have a different tone than you used to. Lighter. Keep up the good work!

advbike

Great post, very uplifting. Thanks for sharing and way to go!

PurpleKnight

Great post!!

FeelingGreat

While I was reading your post I was thinking that it was about others, and how your actions affected them, rather than yourself.
Even a simple act like baking shows consideration for others, and they loved it.

Progress! Enjoy your Starbucks.

Michael66

That's a great story about the muffins! It helps remind us all that it's the little things in life that often matter. We can share and receive love in the little things just as much, or perhaps more than, the big gestures of life.

Well done on 5 months!

Now I'm feeling guilty about not baking muffins for anyone! :-)