Nate1985

Hello all. So this is my first time seeking help/support, or even admitting to myself that I have a problem. So here we go, my name is Nate and I am an alcoholic. (Hi Nate!) Heh. I'm not even sure where to start, I guess I'll just type and try my best not to ramble.

I've never been the type to drink and drive. In fact I have never drank and drove or gotten into a car with someone who did. This was my excuse for a long time. The alcoholics were always the ones who got hammered and then got behind the wheel to go party or pick up some more liquor or beer, right? Wrong. I just made sure I didn't -have- to do that by having money for a cab or making sure I had my nightly supply of liquor and beer handy!

I guess a bit of what led me up to the point of wanting to be sober...

I was at a bar and decided to walk home because I had left my phone in a friends car prior to going in and wasn't going to even get into the vehicle to grab that with how trashed we were when we wanted to go home. On the way home, or more realistically, in between bumbling and stumbling and falling on every curb or hitting every lightpost trying to catch my balance, a good person driving by called the cops on me. Now they didn't do anything except let me know how many charges I could have had against me- trespassing, drunk in public, j walking, public endangerment, disorderly conduct, etc. In fact, the officer was even nice enough to drive me home. No citation, just a warning. I fell asleep in bed thinking what a great night it was! I made it home and didn't even get a ticket or wind up in the drunk tank. No ticket. No court visit, just a good night of being with my bud at the bar. Then I woke up the next morning. My face swollen to all hell, cuts and bruises everywhere, and me stinking. During sometime between the cops bringing me home and me falling asleep I ended up pissing and pooping myself. What a great night, huh?

To a normal person, that would probably be enough to just say "Ok, never again." Not to me though. That hadn't happened before, which to date it hadn't. So what would be the harm in going and hanging out again? It was just once, right?

Different day, no cops called, no bars visited, just me getting drunk and then trying to barge my way in to my neighbors house and cussing out the entire neighborhood for locking me out. Completely ignorant of the fact it wasn't my house and belligerent beyond comprehension.

Again, this should have been enough, but it wasn't. Basically the same damn stories on different days over and over. Another day, another excuse, another night out, and another regret.

I now realize I just can't stop myself. I have to be the most drunk, have the most shots, and drink the most beer. I can't have 2 beers and leave. I can't have 1 shot and call it quits. I have to get absolutely annihilated. I just wish it didn't take almost 10 years of me being a complete idiot to realize it. So here I am, basically friendless and now jobless as my boss lives next to me while I did a no call no show two weekends to get drunk and belligerent to the neighborhood. If you're wondering, I don't really have anyone that I call family to go to for support, too many foster parents and homes. My long time friends don't even want to look at me at the moment.

I woke up today after only having a single beer Monday night and throwing away the rest of my 30 pack of miller highlife and handle of J.D wanting to be sober and wanting to change. I didn't even have anyone to drink with and I was going to down more than likely all of that just for the sake of being drunk. I know I need help and can't even risk having another sip of anything with alcohol in it.

I don't want to hit a rock bottom lower than this, and I don't want to end up killing myself and getting myself killed because I got drunk and tried to walk home and fell into traffic or walked into the wrong persons house and they decide to shoot me because I'm cussing them out for being in "my" home.

Again, I'm an alcoholic and hoping that with some support from this community and a little forgiveness from friends around my home that I can spend my 29th birthday and every one thereafter celebrating with friends being sober instead of celebrating another excuse to get hammered with a couple people around so that I can call it a "social gathering" and not feel as guilty.

TooMuchRum

Hi Nate I am on Day 1 as well. Went to an AA meeting to met some super friendly folks. It's gonna be nice tomorrow to NOT wake up in withdrawel. A close friend of mine drank herself into the ICU last week and nearly died. My alcoholic Aunt drank herself to death this weekend. I'm headed down that same path and can't do this anymore. Good to meet you.

Nate1985

Good to meet you as well! I'm sad to hear about the ICU and the death. I only had friends who did stupid stuff like getting tickets, but never any serious injury. If you asked me how they avoided ever killing anyone or themselves, let alone never actually getting into a wreck-- I'll never know.

You have my sympathy and support. Hopefully we'll be celebrating our one week, one month, and one year sober on these forums.

Firehazard

Plenty of support here. WELCOME!

Thanks for your story Nate I know you can do it.

Awesome TMR with the first AA meeting. That is how a lot of us did it.