soberbythesea

I'm in Monterey, California... It's a beautiful evening here. My husband is off having a glass of wine before dinner.

I really wish I could join him. I know I can't, I know every reason why. And I'm not going to. I'm just having a hard time today. It's one of those days when I see all the "normal" people enjoying their drinks and think, why can't that be me?

I feel so resentful. I need to get my head on straight... Thought posting might help.

BikerAcct

Vacations are hard, it's also hard not to be resentful at times like these. Lately, I've been trying to turn around those thoughts of "normal".

All my life I've kind of prided myself on not being normal. You know, being anti-establishment, rebellious, etc.

So I take my pride in being "abnormal, or extra-normal" and when I see "normal" people drinking, it doesn't bother me so much because I know..I'm not one of them. I'm not normal, I'm extra-normal. So I don't need to do what everyone else is and have a drink.

I stand apart. IT works for me, I know it won't work for everyone. But, I'm kind of odd

Still, I understand,vacations can be hard.

jdooner

I just went through this last week. Was on the beach, had some Bob Marley come on the radio the deck and a drink looked and felt appealing. You will feel stronger making it through vacation sober - I did.

SoulSister

Well, the good news is he has already left and you came here.

The only thing suggested for those that cannot control and enjoy their drinking is entire abstinence.

I cannot drink like other people do. I cannot control my drinking. Once I start, I lose control.

I make myself sick.

Drinking changes me, and I do absurd and tragic things.

There is nothing drinking can do for those who cannot safely drink.

Pray for strength to resist the temptation.

Try to order something fantastic for dinner and spoil yourself with a fancy dessert and coffee.

You can do it!

We are here with you.

I'm proud of you for coming here to admit your truth and for support.

The delusion that we can drink tempts us, but we know our truth.

We know our truth with alcohol.

We must stop destroying ourselves with alcohol.

If our experience has shown that we cannot drink safely, then we should recoil from it as from a hot flame.

We will get burned every time.

It's not what it appears to be. This too shall pass. Hang in there!

Joe Nerv

Don't know how you drank or where the drink took you, but for me the second a thought like that pops into my head on vacation, I instantly remind myself that I wouldn't be on vacation if I were drinking. For others that might not be the case. I don't get urges to drink anymore, but when I was in Jamaica 2 years ago I have to admit I felt a little left out at times. Thankfully, those times are never all consuming for me. They pass very quickly. I'm incredibly grateful for my sober life and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Especially a ruined vacation because I got drunk.

dsmaxis10

Todays st pattys day and all I do is play the tape threw alcohol used to be my friend but became my enemy. Relapsed most of last year after four years sober four months now.The hole year I tried to recapture the magic but it didn't happen used to have real good times drinken now all last year they were all bad forgot how bad it was thing is I still do so I play the tape threw it helps me. Its getting easier which makes me think less of the bad times the delusion that I might drink like my non alcoholic friends is fading away I cant drink they can resentful yes but grateful Im sober.

BarbieKen

Hi Sober,
Last Monday I boarded a cruise ship, my first sober cruise. In August we vacationed at the MGM in Vegas for 2 weeks. Vegas was fine. But, I totally surprised myself on how I wished I could have one of those fruity Welcome Aboard drinks! I started noticing them in everybody's hand but my own. I have to say that watching a large number of people getting wasted was a great tool as well!
After dinner I looked for the Friends of Bill meeting. Both lounges where I was directed turned into a big no show. I just called it a night, went to our cabin and meditated/prayed. And, I read in my Big Book, and wrote in my journal. I just fell into a routine of doing this
each night. On the Ship celebrated 15 months last Wednesday the 12th, yippie!
Do you have a plan in place? We' just 2 months apart in our Sobriety date. You can do this, just a day at a time. Hugs, Bobbi

Amajorityofone

if I may be candid, it doesn't sound like your spouse is making things any easier. If it were me, we would definitely have a "talk" asap. Right now, you want to feel supported, not resentful. When I stopped, my girlfriend more or less stopped, too. At least she does when she's around me. This makes a big difference.

Food for thought.

Dee74

When in doubt, read ;em out STBS - do some surfing for your old posts.

Forget the fantasy - I reckon the image of a glass of wine at dusk in Monterey sounds good to a lot of us...

but it's just not reality for you or me. It's the pipiest of pipe dreams.

Remind yourself of the reality of the way it used to be and why you never want to go back there

You can do this. You will do this.
D

soberbythesea

Thanks for all the thoughts, everyone.

My husband actually doesn't drink in front of me, and hasn't since I quit, which is why he slipped off to the bar to have a quick drink by himself before dinner. I don't have a problem with that. When I said I felt resentful, I didn't mean toward him, I meant more in general that I was resenting not being able to drink like "normal" people. I'm sure we've all felt that way at one time or another.

Amajorityofone

I respectfully disagree.

I have a few friends that drink fairly normally. I don't want to be like them at all.

Let us never forget that no matter how thin you make a pancake, it will always have another side. Meaning, don't delude yourself. You and I drank to get drunk. This is why we chose to live on the "flip side" of life and stopped altogether. Thus, not only was sobriety our only alternative, it was, and is, our salvation! Sobriety is the one and only thing that both protects and saves us from destruction.

Otherwise, what's the point?

Make no mistake. Each day we must consciously and continuously strengthen our resolve and sinew to remain clean and sober until our will becomes the disposition to remain clean and sober.

Be Encouraged!

GreenEggsAndHam

Oh I feel you. Not only does my husband drink in front of me on occasion, we have a big vacation coming up at the end of May that I'm nervous about. I'm already planning my strategy: will find meetings there that I can attend and will take my phone list of recovering friends and my sponsor to help me through if I get tempted.

I know my vacation will be 100 times better if I remain sober and that there is no "one drink" for me, despite what my AV tells me. It's great that you posted here - keep your resolve!