jessie65

Ugh, I can't stay sober anymore. I have no idea how I did 2 months, pure willpower I guess, which apparently I no longer have.

Hopefully it doesn't kill me. I'm not a daily drinker but every few days that intense craving kicks in and I can't (or don't?) resist.

Sad thing is I thought Summer would be my challenge but I kept reminding myself that I'd have about 4-5 months sober by then. Yeah, fat chance.

I'm hopeless, it's going to be less of a struggle to just give in to it.

Pedro1234

Ho jessie65- It is really hard work but you need to keep reminding yourself why ayou are giving up. Please stick with it as it will get easier.

BarrelRoll

I hope you reconsider jesse65. Maybe look at the pros/cons harder? A couple hours of drunkenness is going to result in longer than that in hangovers and residual guilt afterwords. And if you're serious about maintaining sobriety, you may not even enjoy it as you're doing it because you know it's not what you want.

Sudz No More

It's not always that way, you just have to push through until the mental impulses are gone. Realistically it takes about 6 months so just need to try to not think about it for that long. Harder than it sounds I know but once you have made up your mind that there is no other choice it will get easier. Once you make it past six months you'll be surprised how hard it seemed early on. It is all downhill from there and then it just becomes about maintenance which is easy if you stay focused.

Make another go at it, find a friend who you will feel accountable to if you screw up. You'll be less likely to fail if you feel like you will be losing a contest. Do you like sports pools? You are the team you picked to win the pool. Do you want your team to lose? Suck it up for just 6 months, you can do it.

Notimetoloose

Hey Jess, it is difficult but it is doable....you are far bigger than the drink and you deserve it.
Have a look at the secular section on the forum, the RR and the AVRT really helped me get the leverage I needed in the early days.
You are not hopeless you can do this.

EndGameNYC

Will power has a very short shelf life when dealing with alcoholism. "Working harder" as a remedy is an illusion. If your way isn't working, then it's time to try something different.

Raider

EndGame, what do you mean by working? Does working mean no craves or urge?

Thepatman

If you see it as abstinence only things will not work I personally think.

You must approach it as a new lifestyle. You have incorporated drinking into your life. Now you have to replace it with new things to do to occupy your time. Hobbies etc.

Nevertheless

Quitting certainly is a struggle. Then struggle,then more struggle. Most worth while things in life are a struggle.
Most of us will tell you. The saying goes "If we worked half as hard at staying sober as we do trying to drink,we would have it made".
Stop and think about all the money spent. The things gone wrong. The reasons that brought you here in the first place. Then tell me drinking isn't a struggle.
The addiction is planting the idea in your mind that drinking is not a struggle.
Now that I have been sober for quite some time,I can see that so clearly.
Yep,quitting is like going to a long bitter war. But once won ,the victory is soooo sublime.
If I can do it,so can you.
Fred

FeenixxRising

It's not hopeless, and you're not hopeless. I hope you give sobriety another try.

EndGameNYC

Nah. I don't believe we can "work" such things away.

I had a serious daily obsession to drink for around the first ten months of sobriety. On my own and without help, I'm convinced that I would have been drinking very early on. I was able to use the tools I was given to allow me to get through my many difficult days and nights.

I only meant that if what I'm doing is not helping me to make progress ("not working"), then something different needs to be done.

jw1969

Jessie,
I am in the same boat, I have maxed 2 days since deciding to quit 2.26.14. Quitting drinking is not a small task. I am a daily drinker, but either way the end is the same, one way or another. It will not be easy.

jessie65

Raider, I want to like your post a million times. What if we Could be rid of the Obsession, That would make sobriety Do-able, right? I can't get rid of it, the obsession.

I know alcoholics will drink, no matter the mood, yet I feel that every time I drink I'm trying to drown an emotion, a mood, my everyday mood.

Today, for the first time in 5 years, I thought about drinking at 11:00 in the morning. I wanted so bad to drink away my mind this morning, and everything in it. I'm convinced that happy people do not drink to excess. I never drank until I became unhappy with life. I was 40. I had been thru hell & back before that, but I always had hope, dreams.... big dreams.

I believe Karate recently asked about why people drink to excess, they Are unhappy.
My husband & I actually argue over who's life is worse. Who does that? Nothing changes if nothing changes, that's my life. And my life has bigger problems than the drink. My drinking never caused these problems to begin with, These problems started Way before my drinking, unfortunately.
I know I need to stop, yet I already know it changes nothing, except maybe the way I die..

Raider

Jessie, are you still drinking? Your post broke my heart. Really.

Looking4Help123

I am starting to realise this. Sometimes working harder is like trying to run faster in our dreams. It gets me nowhere. Sometimes I forget who/what I was and just being in the moment, without working at all at anything, gives me a glimpse of a new sober me that doesn't have to work at being sober at all.

Jesse if you can do 2 months I'm sure these "easy moments" were there during that time they might just be hidden a bit. Finding them again is possible!

Dee74

Jessie if that's the case then you're not doing recovery right

whats your recovery plan been? willpower?

Willpower's not much good when part of you really wants to drink...it's just a matter of time before gritting your teeth wears you down and tires you out, and makes you vulnerable to the idea of drinking again.

Maybe it's time to look for a little more support, or make more use of the support you have?

D

KateL

Don't give up Jessie. You can do this xxxx

jessie65

Thank-you all. I left the board last night to continue drinking, sorry.
Raider, yes, still drinking. I have a day 1 three times a week.
Willpower is all I have, and once I lose that, game over. I woke up once again with that awful terror, knowing it has it's grip on me again.

I know I need to get outside help (again).
Thank-you all for being there.

Longpasttime

Glad you are on here this morning and getting outside help sounds like a great way to go. You really can do this, but its absolutely okay not to do it alone.

keithj

Jessie,

Believe it or not, hopeless was a really good, and maybe even necessary, place for me to be when I got sober. Knowing at a deep level that my willpower was never going to keep me from drinking sort of propelled me into finding the help I needed. For me, that was AA and the 12 Steps, but the hopelessness was key to my accepting it.