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Jessie - I strongly concur with what keith just said - as painful as it is, that hopeless state may create the window of willingness to try a new path. That was the case with me. And now just 8 months sober and at Step 7, my last bottom served me VERY constructively. A design for living has emerged that is far better than what my conditioned and ill mind could ever come up with of its own will.

Consider hitting an AA meeting and talk with one person who you feel has *something* that you think you might want - a sense of ease should be easy to pick out. Share where you're at (they WILL listen), and see what the result feels like afterward in your experience

Dee74

This simply is not true.

There's a lot of support out there Jessie - you don't have to do this alone, or on sheer teeth gritting eye bulging willpower.

D