tomsteve

"And drinking has sure caused me plenty of trouble ,I guess I need to know WHY ."

welp, beings how drinking doesn't cause trouble for non alcoholics, it could be as simple as it causes troubles because you are an alcoholic.
the simpler I make it, the simpler it is.

BarrelRoll

karate,

IMO your theory couldn't be more correct for me and a lot of people. Drinking is a form of escapism, whether I'm escaping from boredom, anxiety, loneliness, depression, etc. Getting to the root of WHY I drank was important. It helped me realize that the self-medicating was not curing those symptoms and allowed me to change my path so far.

karate

That's what I'm after as well .

I need to know the Why

AnyLengths

karate - my experience was the more I thought i needed to know "why" I drank, the more trouble I had staying sober. Just my experience.

In roundabout way I was figuring if I knew the "whys" of my behavior, I could simply correct them or treat them and then I'd be a normal drinker.

The six months I spent trying to figure out "why" I drank were filled with drunks, hangovers, headaches, and a general downhill slide into being a bigger drunk than I already was.

For me, acceptance that I had no control over alcohol simply meant that I'm an alcoholic and I drink. That's what I do. No more complicated than that for me. I was good at it for a while. It was fun for a while. Then I was no longer good at it and it was no longer fun, yet I continued for about four more years, which was akin to smashing myself upside the head with a hockey stick every single day.

I stopped drinking and things got a little better. I took the first suggestion I was given, begrudgingly, and it worked a little. Then the next suggestion and it also eventually worked a little.

Over a number of days, then weeks then years the little suggestions eventually built a pretty nice life.

I have not wondered why I drank for many years, but that's just MY experience. Change for me is a forward-thinking and forward-action thing. I took some steps to deal with my past and that is behind me. The only thing my past is good for are the lessons I learned. "We don't regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it ..."

Best of luck and today is a great opportunity to stay sober.

caboblanco

my guess would be it's not the same for everyone. i know i had had underlying issues. i remember people in their early 20s that i wouldn't say i had any major issues but would just get drunk almost every night for fun..but i could of been missing something

afloatsober

'I am of the opinion that a large part of alocholics drink to drown bad emotions .'

Clue here for me. Emotions/feelings that i consider BAD (sadness,fear,insecurity,elation,anger,....) I drink to dull or escape from. Because i consider them bad. Many other just consider them emotions, they happen, deal with them without a drink.
And when i take that first drink i am physiologically predisposed to keep drinking until the craving is satisfied. Trouble is, thats never...

Bilr44

I drank because I enjoyed the buzz, simple as that. Drinking 2 nights a week turned into 3, and so on until it was daily. In the end I stopped enjoying the buzz because it was like chasing your tail. I'm enjoying my life now without the shame, guilt, and physical ailments it entailed.

Dee74

great point afloatsober

D

jdooner

I think why we drank is as complex as addiction. For me I turned to substances including alcohol to fill something I was missing naturally. That included when I was feeling low but also to celebrate when I was feeling good. Then I also drank when I was feeling just okay. I turned to alcohol though to provide something, a crutch to walk if you will. Over time this grew into its own problem. With alcohol removed I found this void still existed and its been a process to learn how to cope and live life sober, which included changing most of variables in my life.

LadyBlue0527

Great questions karate.

Re this part of your post:

On the contrary, I think that alcoholics create and magnify bad emotions in order to give themselves a reason to drink. I remember before quitting I would spend day after day behind my desk being stressed and angry over work and home issues. Not that there wasn't anything to be stressed about but I definitely obsessed over that stress and anger because I was fueling my upcoming binge for the weekend. It was nothing more than the effort to add to the bag of excuses that I needed to justify drinking and making an ass out of myself. Surely nobody would deny me the right to annihilate myself if they had to live my life!

I was very amazed that once I made the decision to quit, and made it unconditionally, that about 95% of things that bothered me disappeared. Situations where I would previously have to leave my desk and take a walk to calm down magically dissipated because the reason for those feelings was no longer necessary. I didn’t need the fuel and the excuses anymore so I didn’t create them in the first place. They no longer served a purpose.

Over the past few weeks I have had some situations at home and at work that would test the limits of the most emotionally stable person. The possible ending of my marriage, a situation at work that could realistically be on a reality tv show with me not only being thrown under the bus but rather me being stood in the road in the proper place to be slammed head on by someone who is in fear of losing their job to me. I almost giggle about it now but I was, point blank, framed and set up to fail by being given little to no and incorrect information so that I would do something wrong. I’m just thankful that I have superiors that know me well enough to know exactly what happened.

With both of the situations that I just mentioned if I was still drinking that would have been the end of me. I would have never made it through either of the problems. It’s only because of the absence of alcohol in my life that I am able to deal with both having a clear head and by coping properly. Not only that, even amongst the stressfulness of both I am able to say that no matter the outcome, everything is going to be ok.

Drinking to drown bad emotions? No, we create and magnify them as a excuse TO drink. I’ll end with a great quote. “People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.”

EndGameNYC

The pursuit of finding out why we drink the way we do provides us with both a rationalization and an opportunity to continue drinking unless and until we answer that elusive and often unanswerable question. This process has been demonstrated amply and repeatedly on SR and elsewhere. We can't always know exactly why we do the things we do, and even when we do know, we're often left with the sense that "maybe there's more to it than I know."

It's a fool's errand and a linchpin of denial. Never believed it, but have learned that most people who subscribe to the process hold onto it with a death grip, as though their lives depended on it. And even when obtaining this elusive "Ah ha!" information precedes putting down the drink, it does not prove that knowing why is what lead to our putting down the drink.

I can trace all the different colored threads of my pathological drinking all the way back to early childhood, family dynamics, parenting, traumatic events and different shades of fear throughout my development. I've been analyzed, therapised and have accumulated vast personal experience in doing research and providing years of clinical work in alcoholism and other addictions. None of that knowledge and experience provided me with a scintilla of motivation or an increased ability to stop myself from drinking myself to death.

What "worked" for me was putting down the drink. That simple act cast my denial in sharp relief and exposed all my accumulated knowledge about alcoholism and my personal affliction as the window dressing it was.

In the end, my choice was to either achieve what I set out to achieve, or be stuck living with my excuses about why I can never get what I wanted.

For those familiar with the Buddhist Parable of the Arrow, the quest to find out "why" is potentially lethal, both literally and figuratively. It's easy to Google, and here's a summary:

"Suppose someone was hit by a poisoned arrow and his friends and relatives found a doctor able to remove the arrow. If this man were to say, 'I will not have this arrow taken out until I know whether the person who had shot it was a priest, a prince or a merchant, his name and his family. I will not have it taken out until I know what kind of bow was used and whether the arrowhead was an ordinary one or an iron one.' That person would die before all these things are ever known to him."

Soberpotamus

Nothing wrong with wanting to know why... I am the same way. I've read, and read, and read, and gone to group therapy, individual therapy, etc. Just don't get too tangled up in the WHY that you don't find your way out of active addiction/illness. Just don't confuse knowing the why with thinking that's your ticket out. Knowledge IS power but addiction is a tricky animal. I'm starting to realize that knowing why is not necessarily my salvation. And that's sometimes I hard pill for an intellectual to swallow.

jdooner

Endgame - I could not agree more. However, after you put down the drink and begin recovery I have found understanding the pathology has helped me identify other maladies that have allowed me to begin addressing the root causes of my addictions, which spill over into behaviors not just substances. I agree I could not have done any of this without a clear and sober mind and I don't encourage in the very early days. I find my own process and quest for truth is dynamic and quite complex - again none of this matters in terms of: Does this help me put down the drink, no. Does it increase the appetite to learn more and assist me in becoming a better person - undeniably yes.

karate

To add to the complex thoughts I have , I can drink 6-12
Beers a day when if off my day job , then go back to work and not drink and not crave a drink .

I can start drinking beer at 6 am when I'm off , or no beer .

It's very odd some times a really want to drink , yet other times I have no desire at all to drink .

I don't really quit drinking for periods of time , I just don't want to all the time .

I sure don't fit the proper description of a drunk .

It's very confusing to me .

And before anyone asks , I'm not drinking at all now .

I suspect my subconscious mind knows I'll feel bad and not be able to get the things done i need to .

The desire just turns off .

RobbyRobot

Don't be too sure about that, Karate. It's amazing what one can achieve when they are motivated enough. Plenty of active alcoholics can do well for years with their drinking, as long as they have a readiness to be functional. Its clear enough to me from your many threads you like to drink when it feels right, and you'd rather not drink when it feels wrong. Drinking on feelings is a classic alcoholic play. You could still go for more years this way. Quitting for good and all is not in the cards for you, you've made certain of that. We all gotta do what we gotta do, to be who we are in our own appreciation of ourselves.

Will it all catch up to you, cause a tipping point? Put you in a place where drinking costs you more then it gives? I believe the writing is on the wall for that time to arrive eventually. In the meantime, just want you to know from me what your doing isn't original or unique. And neither is quitting for that matter unique either. Many of us have quit for good. Its not for everyone.

I'm not one for convincing others to not drink. It's not a deal-breaker for me that you drink, as long as you own it. I think your research is nothing more than a mental play toy while drinking. No worries. We all gotta play the hand that's dealt to us.

Kris47

Only one point to make...............

Moderation in drinking is one or two drinks a day with at least two non drinking days.

We cross the line at anything more. Only you know though, if you are an alcoholic.

Wishing you the best on your journey.

EndGameNYC

Hi Robby. First thought while reading your comments: "Rome burned while Nero fiddled."

Woozy

I've been following your threads for a while now karate.

I'll keep it simple... you really should stop drinking.

I hope you're reading what people are posting here. I honestly don't get the impression you listen to and take in what people have been saying.

Specifically EndGameNYC's post... read it... really READ it. Then think about it... REALLY THINK about it.

All the best

huntingtontx

Hi Karate, I thought about what you asked. I quit drinking and have not drank again because I know I can do this, one day at a time. I can't let my guard down. I am learning to deal with my emotions. Before I just drank till I did not feel. Every time I want a drink it is because of emotions I don't know how to deal with. I have to set myself down and learn to deal. This last month my sister, whom I am closer to then most are to their parents has been in and out of the hospital. It really makes me want a drink when I am afraid she won't make it. I am learning to deal. It had been a lot of years where I did not deal with emotions. I just poured alcohol on them. It has not always been easy, but I know I am growing and that makes me feel good. Will I want a drink the next time something bad happens? Probably. Will I have one? No, I will come here or go pray or meditate or whatever it takes. I will chose what I put in my body, it will not choose my body. Just my thoughts. I wish you well and have seen you struggle. For some it seems harder then others. We are all here for you .

thegunshow

I only drank on day's that ended in y