Starting to Sour on AA
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Bill Wilson is quoted as having said, "Sobriety, freedom from alcohol from the teaching and practice of the 12 steps is the SOLE purpose of an AA group."
Working the AA Big Book Twelve Steps allowed me the opportunity to live a good life rather than be "stuck" in AA meetings at all times and forever.
Working the AA Big Book Twelve Steps allowed me the opportunity to live a good life rather than be "stuck" in AA meetings at all times and forever.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Some really good responses here McRibb 
I think if you're doing service work but feel resentful about it then you may not be getting value from it?
Like LadyB I did volunteering - I'm not in AA.
When whatever you're doing makes you feel like you're growing, and helps you feel like you're giving back and maybe even making a difference its a whole other kettle of fish I think
D
I think if you're doing service work but feel resentful about it then you may not be getting value from it?
Like LadyB I did volunteering - I'm not in AA.
When whatever you're doing makes you feel like you're growing, and helps you feel like you're giving back and maybe even making a difference its a whole other kettle of fish I think
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I was in a very similar position to you about 6 months ago. I was really struggling with the whole service thing...I work 12 hour days, and would go straight from work to pick up 2 or 3 ladies to take to a meeting. They invariably weren't ready and I would have to hang around waiting for them whilst becoming anxious we were going to be late. By the time we arrived I was already tired and resentful. I would set up the hall and make the coffee while they hung around smoking, and I then cleared up again afterwards...same scenario. I would have to hang around while they finished conversations to drop them all home. I'm sure I lost count of how many meetings were lost on me because I became a simmering mess of resentment and couldn't hear the words. My sponsor at the time was a big fan of service work. She encouraged me to take on more meetings and become GSR too.
I was SO burned out. Like you, I was ready to walk away. I had pretty much decided AA wasn't where I wanted to be for the rest of my life, and the whole scene was definitely counter-productive for my serenity, which was practically non-existent in the end.
I had to switch it up big time. I dropped that meeting completely from my schedule. I've only been back once. I only have one meeting a week now, but that is a Big Book study group...really focused on the solution. I have changed sponsors. I have re-worked the steps. I have started sponsoring myself.
I feel completely committed to the principles of AA, but I am far less involved with the fellowship. It has changed the way I view things entirely, for the better, and my resentment and anxiety have disappeared.
I was SO burned out. Like you, I was ready to walk away. I had pretty much decided AA wasn't where I wanted to be for the rest of my life, and the whole scene was definitely counter-productive for my serenity, which was practically non-existent in the end.
I had to switch it up big time. I dropped that meeting completely from my schedule. I've only been back once. I only have one meeting a week now, but that is a Big Book study group...really focused on the solution. I have changed sponsors. I have re-worked the steps. I have started sponsoring myself.
I feel completely committed to the principles of AA, but I am far less involved with the fellowship. It has changed the way I view things entirely, for the better, and my resentment and anxiety have disappeared.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by deeker 
I think if it were me I would Switch it up, I get burndt out to. If I thought the rest of my life would be
one repetetive routine I think I would be pretty unhappy.
I am thinking of switching some things up myself.
Sometimes I just think we need renewal, but change is also hard.
Sometimes I am afraid of change cuz what I am doing has kept me sober now almost 15 months.
I think with anything, if you volunteer for something and are dependable for a long time, others tend to
just expect it. But if it is voluntary you can choose to opt out anytime if you are feeling burndt out.
I need to check my motives. Am I doing volunteer work to please others, do I feel obligated, am I looking
for kudos?
What are my motives? Do I really want to be of service or am I doing it cuz others expect me to keep doing it.
If it is because others expect it, then it is no longer volunteering.
one repetetive routine I think I would be pretty unhappy.
I am thinking of switching some things up myself.
Sometimes I just think we need renewal, but change is also hard.
Sometimes I am afraid of change cuz what I am doing has kept me sober now almost 15 months.
I think with anything, if you volunteer for something and are dependable for a long time, others tend to
just expect it. But if it is voluntary you can choose to opt out anytime if you are feeling burndt out.
I need to check my motives. Am I doing volunteer work to please others, do I feel obligated, am I looking
for kudos?
What are my motives? Do I really want to be of service or am I doing it cuz others expect me to keep doing it.
If it is because others expect it, then it is no longer volunteering.
BTW - I do appreciate your service on here. While I don't use the 24hr currently, I do know its useful and helpful. Perhaps you could enlist some others to help you? Deligation of service is useful and used often in AA.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by Dee74
When whatever you're doing makes you feel like you're growing, and helps you feel like you're giving back and maybe even making a difference its a whole other kettle of fish I think D
D Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 544
Friend-
Happiness is a choice, not a "condition."
I've never been to AA, or read any of their literature but if the program wasn't working for me anymore, or if the environment was pulling me down instead of lifting me up, I'd leave without hesitation or regret.
Remember, life is simple. We make it complicated.
Truth be told, associating with crowds is actually quite dangerous. For it is extremely difficult to walk away from one, especially a large one, without its affects and vices smearing itself on you. It's no different than walking into a cologne store. Even when you don't buy anything, the fragrances still linger on your body when you come out the door. This is why I am very particular who I associate with. Who I lend my ear and mind to.
In the end, the basic rule of thumb should be to only associate with people who are likely to improve you....not the other way around.
Happiness is a choice, not a "condition."
I've never been to AA, or read any of their literature but if the program wasn't working for me anymore, or if the environment was pulling me down instead of lifting me up, I'd leave without hesitation or regret.
Remember, life is simple. We make it complicated.
Truth be told, associating with crowds is actually quite dangerous. For it is extremely difficult to walk away from one, especially a large one, without its affects and vices smearing itself on you. It's no different than walking into a cologne store. Even when you don't buy anything, the fragrances still linger on your body when you come out the door. This is why I am very particular who I associate with. Who I lend my ear and mind to.
In the end, the basic rule of thumb should be to only associate with people who are likely to improve you....not the other way around.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Central Massachusetts
Posts: 2,051
I've cut way back on AA because I find it does in fact provide triggers for my anxiety. These include:
- the presence of caffeinated coffee and sweets at most meetings, which tempt my addictive tendencies and mess with my sleep.
- constant talk of character defects instead of character traits. I leave most meetings feeling like I'm one big defect.
- incessant talk about not doing enough for the program (service work, sponsorship, etc). Again, I feel that I am defective because I commit most of my time to working, family, sleeping, and taking care of my health.
- I'll tread a little carefully here, but to be frank most people at meetings make me nervous. Many are at least moderately neurotic, and some are downright loony.
- as an agnostic, I'm tired of being told that I will someday find god, or I should find a god of my understanding. Agnostics tend not to care about that. It's like telling me I should seek my personal middle earth. It's meaningless to me.
- the presence of caffeinated coffee and sweets at most meetings, which tempt my addictive tendencies and mess with my sleep.
- constant talk of character defects instead of character traits. I leave most meetings feeling like I'm one big defect.
- incessant talk about not doing enough for the program (service work, sponsorship, etc). Again, I feel that I am defective because I commit most of my time to working, family, sleeping, and taking care of my health.
- I'll tread a little carefully here, but to be frank most people at meetings make me nervous. Many are at least moderately neurotic, and some are downright loony.
- as an agnostic, I'm tired of being told that I will someday find god, or I should find a god of my understanding. Agnostics tend not to care about that. It's like telling me I should seek my personal middle earth. It's meaningless to me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Originally Posted by Johnston
I've cut way back on AA because I find it does in fact provide triggers for my anxiety. These include:
- the presence of caffeinated coffee and sweets at most meetings, which tempt my addictive tendencies and mess with my sleep.
- constant talk of character defects instead of character traits. I leave most meetings feeling like I'm one big defect.
- incessant talk about not doing enough for the program (service work, sponsorship, etc). Again, I feel that I am defective because I commit most of my time to working, family, sleeping, and taking care of my health.
- I'll tread a little carefully here, but to be frank most people at meetings make me nervous. Many are at least moderately neurotic, and some are downright loony.
- as an agnostic, I'm tired of being told that I will someday find god, or I should find a god of my understanding. Agnostics tend not to care about that. It's like telling me I should seek my personal middle earth. It's meaningless to me.
- the presence of caffeinated coffee and sweets at most meetings, which tempt my addictive tendencies and mess with my sleep.
- constant talk of character defects instead of character traits. I leave most meetings feeling like I'm one big defect.
- incessant talk about not doing enough for the program (service work, sponsorship, etc). Again, I feel that I am defective because I commit most of my time to working, family, sleeping, and taking care of my health.
- I'll tread a little carefully here, but to be frank most people at meetings make me nervous. Many are at least moderately neurotic, and some are downright loony.
- as an agnostic, I'm tired of being told that I will someday find god, or I should find a god of my understanding. Agnostics tend not to care about that. It's like telling me I should seek my personal middle earth. It's meaningless to me.
I think we focus on what we want in meetings. Yeah, there's a lot of talk about defects of character, but I hear sooooo much more about families coming back together, people doing good things, lives getting saved, defects being removed, and people becoming happy, productive, healthy human beings again. If I got pissed about the defect talk though, I could easily see myself focusing on that. Especially if I weren't doing what was suggested, which would give me the faith that it would change and get better. It only stands to reason. Not saying this as a judgement. If you don't or can't believe that the 12 steps will help with this stuff, it could be pretty depressing I'd imagine.
I don't know you or how you work your program, but I've seen many people who are struggling, yet unable or unwilling to do the things that are suggested to them. I have to just shrug at that. It's not a sarcastic shrug, it's a helpless one on my part. I'm going to use a twist on the haircut analogy that's getting thrown around a lot in either this or another thread
. If I need a haircut, I'm not going to get one by hanging out in a barber shop where I don't like what they're doing and never sit in the chair. I either have to sit and take a leap of faith and do it, or go somewhere else.If something cuts across the grain and makes me really uncomfortable it means 1 of 2 things to me. First is that it's something I really need because I need some serious work (or stretching) in that area. The other is that it's just not for me. When I'm not happy and I know I have issues going on I choose to explore the former. I like to push my boundaries, as that's what I feel makes me grow. When that my best shot and it doesn't work, I'll walk away.
...not falling down them
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,200
Yes, I have made a change to my recovery plan recently also. I got a new home group after 18 months and also discontinued my sponsor relationship. I cut my meetings back to 2 a week.
I want more positive stuff in my life, and focus on nutrition and exercise, meditation, and also keep the program very much in my life.
I think it's perfectly fine to change up when we need to do so, assuming that our motives are not grounded in some kind of self sabotage or running away from personalities.
I made an effort to stick it out on both counts but ended up trusting my gut which had been right all along, though I did not fully believe in it until I had enough time under my belt.
I parted on good terms with the group and my former sponsor, explaining that I simply need to do something different, a different night, a different adventure. I am keeping my eye open for a new sponsor but am not in a big rush to get one just for the sake of having one.
I am involved in service and have no desire to leave the program, just to get a better fit for where I am in life right now.
I want more positive stuff in my life, and focus on nutrition and exercise, meditation, and also keep the program very much in my life.
I think it's perfectly fine to change up when we need to do so, assuming that our motives are not grounded in some kind of self sabotage or running away from personalities.
I made an effort to stick it out on both counts but ended up trusting my gut which had been right all along, though I did not fully believe in it until I had enough time under my belt.
I parted on good terms with the group and my former sponsor, explaining that I simply need to do something different, a different night, a different adventure. I am keeping my eye open for a new sponsor but am not in a big rush to get one just for the sake of having one.
I am involved in service and have no desire to leave the program, just to get a better fit for where I am in life right now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Originally Posted by Johnston
I've cut way back on AA because I find it does in fact provide triggers for my anxiety. These include:
- the presence of caffeinated coffee and sweets at most meetings, which tempt my addictive tendencies and mess with my sleep.
- constant talk of character defects instead of character traits. I leave most meetings feeling like I'm one big defect.
- incessant talk about not doing enough for the program (service work, sponsorship, etc). Again, I feel that I am defective because I commit most of my time to working, family, sleeping, and taking care of my health.
- I'll tread a little carefully here, but to be frank most people at meetings make me nervous. Many are at least moderately neurotic, and some are downright loony.
- as an agnostic, I'm tired of being told that I will someday find god, or I should find a god of my understanding. Agnostics tend not to care about that. It's like telling me I should seek my personal middle earth. It's meaningless to me.
- the presence of caffeinated coffee and sweets at most meetings, which tempt my addictive tendencies and mess with my sleep.
- constant talk of character defects instead of character traits. I leave most meetings feeling like I'm one big defect.
- incessant talk about not doing enough for the program (service work, sponsorship, etc). Again, I feel that I am defective because I commit most of my time to working, family, sleeping, and taking care of my health.
- I'll tread a little carefully here, but to be frank most people at meetings make me nervous. Many are at least moderately neurotic, and some are downright loony.
- as an agnostic, I'm tired of being told that I will someday find god, or I should find a god of my understanding. Agnostics tend not to care about that. It's like telling me I should seek my personal middle earth. It's meaningless to me.
My experience has been finding a meeting I feel safe and enjoy going to is key. I attend 1-2 per week when I am not traveling. I also augment with one day of therapy. I enjoy my therapy session more than AA but I also realize the two are different.
I have jumped back into working my steps. I have developed my construct of my HP and it has nothing to do with a traditional God. I came out recently in my meeting with my backstory and this felt liberating.
I now see the value in the program, which is nothing short of a lifestyle. I don’t think AA has to become your life. However, I see many that want to just show up to a meeting and want to be fixed. It does not work this way. I think most of us want a quick fix and recovery is the opposite, its takes hard work and patience virtues not held by many alcoholics.
Demarest - Heart of Gold (Cover) - YouTube
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
I could so very much relate to your post as I was where you are most of my early sobriety. I was doing a lot of service work. I was being the secretary of a meeting. I was going to a lot of meetings. I just felt overwhelmed, anxious and burnt out. A friend finally read the part in the Big Book that says Because of that I sought outside help and am very grateful I did. I am someone who does have a chemical imbalance due to PTSD which leads to chronic anxiety as well as other things. This is a condition that needed to be addressed and treated. Things have improved since then. Today I can say that I am happy the majority of the time even in times of stress. For example, right now I am under a huge amount of stress with my daughter nearly losing my 5 year old autistic grandson to Child Protective services because he was missing for 2 hours before anyone at her home noticed him gone and when they finally did notice and the police got there they found her home filthy. He can not speak so they had no idea who he was while he was in protective custody. She was nearly charged with felony child endangerment. They released him to her on a temporary basis only if she did not return to the home with him until it was cleaned then inspected by them. I went to her home to clean and literally found poop on the floor, poopy diapers and vodka bottles under her bed. The floors were littered with trash, diapers, toys, and clothes. The bed was littered with cigarette ashes and had two sharp knives in it, he sleeps in the bed with her. She has been expecting me to stand up for her but I have had to tell CPS that I do not feel she is capable of taking care of herself let alone a child and especially not a special needs one. She is clearly an alcoholic who is out of control.
But despite that insanity going on around me I am still able to feel happiness in life because I partnered with the doctors in my healthcare. I researched the meds before taking them and talked to my doctors about my alcoholism to try and ensure that I was not going to get anything that might interfere with my sobriety. I do have an anti-anxiety medication that I take when needed as it helps control the anxiety before it develops into the PTSD rage. I don't believe there is anything wrong with taking medications as prescribed as long as we check our motives prior to taking them and use them as prescribed not to escape reality but to be able to function in the real world.
Sometimes outside help is needed. If you are working the program to the best of your ability and have not found that happy, joyous, free feeling then maybe it is time to seek that outside help. Remember it is about balance.
But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies. Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and following his case afterward. (p 133)
But despite that insanity going on around me I am still able to feel happiness in life because I partnered with the doctors in my healthcare. I researched the meds before taking them and talked to my doctors about my alcoholism to try and ensure that I was not going to get anything that might interfere with my sobriety. I do have an anti-anxiety medication that I take when needed as it helps control the anxiety before it develops into the PTSD rage. I don't believe there is anything wrong with taking medications as prescribed as long as we check our motives prior to taking them and use them as prescribed not to escape reality but to be able to function in the real world.
Sometimes outside help is needed. If you are working the program to the best of your ability and have not found that happy, joyous, free feeling then maybe it is time to seek that outside help. Remember it is about balance.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Sydney, NSW
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by Mcribb
What would make me happy is if I didn't have anxiety every morning. I have looked into taking anti-anxiety medication so we will see where that goes.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 100
waking up with anxiety sucks. been there.
My psyche just gave me some Klonopin to replace my xanax.
It's just there if I really need it, since my anxiety seems to have mostly gone away.
working/exercising/going to AA meetings have all helped me in calming my anxiety.
My psyche just gave me some Klonopin to replace my xanax.
It's just there if I really need it, since my anxiety seems to have mostly gone away.
working/exercising/going to AA meetings have all helped me in calming my anxiety.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 405
Originally Posted by Mcribb
What would make me happy is if I didn't have anxiety every morning. I have looked into taking anti-anxiety medication so we will see where that goes.
On awakening...pages 86-88.
Is this something you do each morning?
How much time did you give God today?
Look up Mark H. AA speaker and listen to all of his talks. See if you hear something that will awaken you. You can find him on the xaspeakers site.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Johnston
I've cut way back on AA because I find it does in fact provide triggers for my anxiety. These include:
- the presence of caffeinated coffee and sweets at most meetings, which tempt my addictive tendencies and mess with my sleep.
- constant talk of character defects instead of character traits. I leave most meetings feeling like I'm one big defect.
- incessant talk about not doing enough for the program (service work, sponsorship, etc). Again, I feel that I am defective because I commit most of my time to working, family, sleeping, and taking care of my health.
- I'll tread a little carefully here, but to be frank most people at meetings make me nervous. Many are at least moderately neurotic, and some are downright loony.
- as an agnostic, I'm tired of being told that I will someday find god, or I should find a god of my understanding. Agnostics tend not to care about that. It's like telling me I should seek my personal middle earth. It's meaningless to me.
- the presence of caffeinated coffee and sweets at most meetings, which tempt my addictive tendencies and mess with my sleep.
- constant talk of character defects instead of character traits. I leave most meetings feeling like I'm one big defect.
- incessant talk about not doing enough for the program (service work, sponsorship, etc). Again, I feel that I am defective because I commit most of my time to working, family, sleeping, and taking care of my health.
- I'll tread a little carefully here, but to be frank most people at meetings make me nervous. Many are at least moderately neurotic, and some are downright loony.
- as an agnostic, I'm tired of being told that I will someday find god, or I should find a god of my understanding. Agnostics tend not to care about that. It's like telling me I should seek my personal middle earth. It's meaningless to me.
FOR THE RECORD: I am not laughing at AA, it's just not often I read something here that makes me laugh out loud (or a least laugh WITH the poster).
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Sydney, NSW
Posts: 104
Originally Posted by Mcribb
What would make me happy is if I didn't have anxiety every morning. I have looked into taking anti-anxiety medication so we will see where that goes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
Or learn how to heal your anxiety, as opposed to medicate it. It absolutely can be done. I am free from the anxiety that once completely crippled me, and free from dependence on any medication to take that anxiety away.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
