alphaomega

I question where this originates from.

It's actually one of the major things that keeps me sober, not wanting to ever feel that way. Ever ever again.

Do you think it's because we know inherently that we are not living an authentic life experience ?
Or that we can't cope without substance ?
Or that we are somehow fundamentally flawed ?
Is it chemical ? Societal ? Environmental ?

Talk to me you silly little freaks.

jdooner

Would you feel guilty if you tried to commit suicide and failed? I have tried and I felt pretty guilty afterwards. I feel that same shame with drinking, in spite of my mind telling me I would like it. So for me, I think my shame comes from the self harm and being unable to stop the action despite knowing the consequences.

For me being inauthentic leads me to need to use substances to alter my balance. When I am authentic and honest to myself and others I find it easier to be balanced and healthy spiritually, mentally and physically.

songthread

It's one of the major things that keeps me sober, too. I'm trying to let my past guilt and shame inform my future in a positive manner. I know I have things to work on, and now that I'm sober, I can. My journey is just beginning. But it sure is good to see my drinking days farther and farther back in the rearview mirror. I think I'll keep driving forward because the landscape looks beautiful and inviting ahead.

I'm not saying we are all somehow fundamentally flawed in answer to your question(s). But me, personally, yes, I'm somewhat flawed.

Thanks for this post.

Music

One silly little freak to another.....it's all the above. I stopped feeling guilty and shamed, when I stopped doing things that made me feel guilty and ashamed! I still screw up on occasion, but most the time my guilt and shame these days is self-induced because I over analyze crap. Have a FREAKY good day.

Hevyn

This SF felt remorse for putting family and friends through hell. Along with the lies and despicable, out-of-character behavior. I was a fraud - sweetness & light on the outside, conniving & deceitful inside. Not being able to move past my self-disgust kept me drinking for many years.

Although the things you mention AO - they figure in there too.

deeker

Alcoholism causes us to do shameful things and unless we have hearts of stone
I think guilt is a healthy feeling and response to doing something shameful.

I think it would be unatural not to feel guilt after a night of binge drinking and blacking
out. Or doing things we know in our hearts are wrong.



I personally think in my case it was God trying to get my attention. And he did!

LadyBlue0527

I think this is true for any addiction and not just alcoholism.

Consider this. I think that we all have an expectation of what living well means. So take that and the fact that we make a decision that something isn't good for us. We come to the conclusion that we will no longer do it. However, even with us facing the facts we give in and go ahead and do it anyway.

The guilt and shame comes from the honest self knowledge that we have done something that we promised ourselves that we wouldn't do. The shame comes in the fact that we couldn't keep that promise.

Biologically speaking we are programmed while growing up that there is a right and wrong. Wrongfulness is attached to shame and guilt. Our inability to control ourselves and to mindfully go ahead and do it anyway increases that shame and guilt exponentially.

countrysidegirl

Guilt ? Guilt for me , i may be an alcoholic but we are all different i guess, at 29 my lowest point was selling my body to fund my drinking, my partner was in hospital at the time even though i knew i loved him i needed the drink , i needed the drink like i needed oxygen i was 27 here...
Guilt ?
I felt guilty because i wasn't behaving normally and mean who a none addict go and sleep with someone just so they had enough beers in the house ?
Guilt ?
Guilt consummed me i hated every thing i did, said, felt when i was hooked
Guilt is normal for ab alcoholic
I have noticed sinced being sober that I'm less guilty i can begin to breathe again. No i cant change what i did i was very very ill and an addict
I always will be an addict but an addict who is free , FREE
I hope this post makes sense
Apologies if it doesn't sometimes its difficult to explain what i want ....

oak

Great question! For me, I think drinking alcohol goes against my values. The secrecy and hiding it from my husband went against my values. And letting my drinking impact my work went against my values. I assume it is normal to have guilt or shame when we go against our own values.

And- unfortunately- I still buy into the belief that being an alcoholic is shameful. I'd like to completely let go of that belief.

EndGameNYC

Shame About Past Alcoholism Predicts Relapse and Declining Health in Recovering Alcoholics

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/...lcoholics.html

Doug39

My guilty and shameful feeling about being drunk all the time didn't start until my daughter was old enough to know I was drunk.


When I was growing up my father was a drunk and I hated it when he was loaded - and I now feel I have inflicted the same pain on my daughter over the last several years (and the double whammy because my wife is a heavy drinker).

When I was single all I had was me to worry about so I had no guilt or shame for my heavy drinking and living a destructive lifestyle.

adee

I like what Deeker said. I felt guilt and shame because I did things that I should feel guilt and shame for. I hurt other people, I hurt myself. But what I shouldn't do is hold on to that guilt and shame like a comfortable blanket, wrapping up in it and never letting it go. Still working on that part, one day at a time.

LDT

All of it.....but mostly because I became what I loathe the most.....a liar. The good news is the longer I stay in sobriety the less guilt I feel. I have forgiven myself and am moving on.

silentrun

I think it screwed up my brain chemistry and then did some damage. After that I would constantly obsess about every stupid little thing I had ever done. Constantly playing this tape of shame in my head. I mostly just sat home and quietly got drunk but every morning I woke up feeling embarrassed like I had flashed the neighbors or something.

Stang

Well alcoholics do things they SHOULD be ashamed of. Shame is normal to a point and I worry about the lack of a healthy dose of shame we have in today's world. Don't get me wrong I don't mean hanging on to it forever I mean a normal sense of shame. After just 2 weeks of sobriety my anxiety, guilt, and shame have pretty much subsided. I believe there are also chemical changes in the brain that come with soaking it in liquor for years. Maybe someone with medical knowledge can chime in on that.

alphaomega

Blaaaaahaha !!!

Wait. I think you might live next door...

cardoon

Not living an authentic life and not living up to my potential were key reasons I stopped. I used to ask my self, " Do you want to die drunk?" That answer was always, "no".

awuh1

You might find this interesting alphaomega Ernest Kurtz, Shame & Guilt

cusper

I definitely felt both. Guilt and shame because I knew that I was hiding from myself in the end. I used to feel like I was capable of anything and couldn't wait to go out an see the world. By the end of drinking I felt incapable and terrified. Part of me, strangely enough is afraid of both failure and success at the same time. Being a drunk was just a way avoiding either without really trying at living an authentic life- the results always being the same. I think I felt shame because I was wasting the best of me and guilt because others like my toddler wasn't getting the best of me either.

1newcreation

In beginning of sobriety, that was major component. What keeps me sobe,r is working the steps and seeing my life change & others in rooms even if its so ever sloooowly. But I hear in the mtgs "sometimes quickly, sometimes slooowly...ALWAYS materialise if I WORK for it"! My problem was always impatience & demanding instant gratification; if didnt get it, then bent that elbow until couldn't anymore. Today is different & I'm in for the long haul