Dating a guy, he hid his alcoholism, he just came out of rehab
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by TigerLili 
He's lying to you, in active addiction and actively engaging with other women on a dating site.
Those are the facts, no matter how we might like to justify them or dress them up.
Early dating is about sizing someone up and deciding if they are a good fit. He's not a good fit.
Those are the facts, no matter how we might like to justify them or dress them up.
Early dating is about sizing someone up and deciding if they are a good fit. He's not a good fit.
I don't know if he qualifies as "active addiction" when he has been sober a couple of weeks .... but I have witnessed other loved ones relapse a number of times.... so of course that worries me.
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
Originally Posted by HeySoulSista
He went to rehab and is now sober... again. The day he lied to me, he had been drinking. That may be a small difference... but when an alcoholic lies about drinking... I know that comes from the addiction. When I confronted him to his face he admitted it and told me the truth. The dating site... he did not lie about that at all.... I just confronted him about it and said he should not be on there if he is my boyfriend. He did not lie about it or hide it from me.
I don't know if he qualifies as "active addiction" when he has been sober a couple of weeks .... but I have witnessed other loved ones relapse a number of times.... so of course that worries me.
I don't know if he qualifies as "active addiction" when he has been sober a couple of weeks .... but I have witnessed other loved ones relapse a number of times.... so of course that worries me.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Here, EH!!!
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Well, its very hard to hide alcoholism. Its quite easy to spot if you know what to look for, but there are some great actors out there for sure. The people who are attracted to alcoholics and drug addicts are themselves sick people.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
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Originally Posted by HeySoulSista
But my issue is I have given my heart too soon, too fast to someone who does not deserve it on more than one occasion. I have been cheated on and hurt, lied to and gullible. I have little kids to protect. But I agreed to be his girlfriend before I knew the truth. Already have feelings for him.
Really don't know what to do.
.
Really don't know what to do.
.
The most insidious lies are the ones we tell ourselves. You list all the reasons that pursuing this relationship now is a bad idea for you, and then slip in the caveat that you gave your word and therefore you must see this through.
On top of all the reasons you list (first and foremost being your children) I will give you one more: if you care about him, you would therefore care about his well being. He is not in a place to give his time and attention to a romantic relationship - he must focus on his recovery. If he chooses to ignore his recovery with you or someone more accommodating to his shortsightedness (or deception as the case may be) he likely will not get and stay sober. Both roads lead to the same answer: leave him alone to focus on his recovery or drink himself further into despair - you have no control how he handles this unless you insist on pursing the relationship, in which case you are putting your short term emotional needs over his survival.
Don't co-sign his BS, or cater to your own. If this is meant to be, he will be available when his recovery is solid.
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