Me again - still angry
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Originally Posted by Looking4Help123 
SSRI's "enabled" me to drink MORE before blacking out or losing the plot. Be careful!
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Originally Posted by freethinking
It's a really difficult topic. I have been in 30 day rehabs, many times. SO while, the intent may be there for me to stay sober for a couple of days now - and I do it - it fails within a few.
If I do rehab, I have the prospect of immediately finding good care for 3 young kids if I leave for 30 days. It will place a TREMENDOUS debt on our family. However, my husband and I are both in agreement that if it sobers me up, it is worth it. But finding good care is not a 1 day process.
Lots of decisions to make.
If I do rehab, I have the prospect of immediately finding good care for 3 young kids if I leave for 30 days. It will place a TREMENDOUS debt on our family. However, my husband and I are both in agreement that if it sobers me up, it is worth it. But finding good care is not a 1 day process.
Lots of decisions to make.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I get it. I understand. You want to quit (sorta) but you don't know how.
I am not an AA person but I love the concept and how it saves lives everyday.
What helped me the most ? Starting a thread here BEFORE I picked up. Who would have ever thought an Internet forum would be responsible for helping me get through the last 5 plus months ?
A year ago, I would have laughed myself silly at the thought of it.
Today, it's my lifeline. I post. Then I wait. And before I know it, help is on the way. Straightening out my warped thought process and gently nudging me towards locking down another day.
Maybe try that ?
I am not an AA person but I love the concept and how it saves lives everyday.
What helped me the most ? Starting a thread here BEFORE I picked up. Who would have ever thought an Internet forum would be responsible for helping me get through the last 5 plus months ?
A year ago, I would have laughed myself silly at the thought of it.
Today, it's my lifeline. I post. Then I wait. And before I know it, help is on the way. Straightening out my warped thought process and gently nudging me towards locking down another day.
Maybe try that ?
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Mid Atlantic
Posts: 23
Hang in there and I'm so glad that your hubbie is supportive and has suggested a therapist-sounds like an excellent plan. I have been nonstop angry about everything under the sun for months. Quit drinking a month ago and actually got even angrier because I didn't have my booze crutch. That said anger is starting to dissipate and think some of it was being hung over much of the time. I'm starting to get more patient with my daughter and the fog is starting to lift-I'm also in therapy.
:-)
-A
:-)
-A
Poison Eater Extraordinaire
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I am up at 2am (for those on dif time zones).
I woke up, with the "drunk, crazy" dreams. I dreamt a "live" dream where someone was breaking into our house and attempting to rape our daughters. I cannot fall back asleep. All I can imagine is hunting down an imaginary child rapist and killing him. Like *curbing* his teeth and otherwise hurting him. God, I can not go to sleep. My "live' dreams plague me. I cannot sleep. I just want alcohol. Make my head STOP.
I woke up, with the "drunk, crazy" dreams. I dreamt a "live" dream where someone was breaking into our house and attempting to rape our daughters. I cannot fall back asleep. All I can imagine is hunting down an imaginary child rapist and killing him. Like *curbing* his teeth and otherwise hurting him. God, I can not go to sleep. My "live' dreams plague me. I cannot sleep. I just want alcohol. Make my head STOP.
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Originally Posted by jdooner
Free, I realize things don't happen in a vacuum. You are lucky your husband is supporting your efforts too. It sounds like you have a wonderful family and just need some clarity. That said, you post that your drinking mouthwash one night, four bottles of wine last night, taking SSRIs and taking care of three little children. Honestly, I think your better off to your family in rehab - perhaps you can call a mother or father or in law or sister or brother to help your husband out while your off? I would get him involved, deal with the debt and use that as the reminder of how important this is to your sobriety. Hazelton in MN has very good results. Do you need suggestions? If so, I am sure we can come up with a bunch. Your PM is full - clear it out and happy to chat about this privately.
Im going to throw up, and today is my birthday.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Originally Posted by freethinking
I am up at 2am (for those on dif time zones).
I woke up, with the "drunk, crazy" dreams. I dreamt a "live" dream where someone was breaking into our house and attempting to rape our daughters. I cannot fall back asleep. All I can imagine is hunting down an imaginary child rapist and killing him. Like *curbing* his teeth and otherwise hurting him. God, I can not go to sleep. My "live' dreams plague me. I cannot sleep. I just want alcohol. Make my head STOP.
I woke up, with the "drunk, crazy" dreams. I dreamt a "live" dream where someone was breaking into our house and attempting to rape our daughters. I cannot fall back asleep. All I can imagine is hunting down an imaginary child rapist and killing him. Like *curbing* his teeth and otherwise hurting him. God, I can not go to sleep. My "live' dreams plague me. I cannot sleep. I just want alcohol. Make my head STOP.
The dream you described sounds to me like you're fearful for the welfare of your children, and possibly the predator you're hunting down is yourself, or the part of your nature you don't like, that is hostile to them.
That's just a guess, I don't know you, but when I'm able to work out dream I can sleep easier.
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
Hi freethinking, it helps me to think about dreams because they hold a clue as to what's going on in my head. Can I suggest you keep and exercise book and pen by the bed (or electronic means) and write down your dreams as soon as you wake up, and then think about what they mean. Even the most complicated dream can reflect simple fears.
The dream you described sounds to me like you're fearful for the welfare of your children, and possibly the predator you're hunting down is yourself, or the part of your nature you don't like, that is hostile to them.
That's just a guess, I don't know you, but when I'm able to work out dream I can sleep easier.
The dream you described sounds to me like you're fearful for the welfare of your children, and possibly the predator you're hunting down is yourself, or the part of your nature you don't like, that is hostile to them.
That's just a guess, I don't know you, but when I'm able to work out dream I can sleep easier.
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Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
Hi freethinking, it helps me to think about dreams because they hold a clue as to what's going on in my head. Can I suggest you keep and exercise book and pen by the bed (or electronic means) and write down your dreams as soon as you wake up, and then think about what they mean. Even the most complicated dream can reflect simple fears.
The dream you described sounds to me like you're fearful for the welfare of your children, and possibly the predator you're hunting down is yourself, or the part of your nature you don't like, that is hostile to them.
That's just a guess, I don't know you, but when I'm able to work out dream I can sleep easier.
The dream you described sounds to me like you're fearful for the welfare of your children, and possibly the predator you're hunting down is yourself, or the part of your nature you don't like, that is hostile to them.
That's just a guess, I don't know you, but when I'm able to work out dream I can sleep easier.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by freethinking
I think you are so right...sober or not, I used to dream journal. It was very helpful. I am also a lucid dreamer, not sure if you know what that means.
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Happy birthday 
what better way to start your new year of life, then mentally healthy and moving toward what you want out of life.
Dreams can never hurt you, but living a nightmare of reality can.
what better way to start your new year of life, then mentally healthy and moving toward what you want out of life.Dreams can never hurt you, but living a nightmare of reality can.
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Originally Posted by freethinking
And here is when *chime in depressing song* happens.
Im going to throw up, and today is my birthday.
Im going to throw up, and today is my birthday.
Lana Del Rey - Off to The Races (Born to Die) - YouTube
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Happy Birthday FT.
Reading this thread and other posts you've made to day make me sad.
They remind me of me - I had no confidence in myself...
I wanted so much to be rescued, to have someone sort me out, to *make me better*...that I was willing to crash and burn to make that happen.
The trouble is, not everyone walks away for a crash and burn.
And even when you do, people may not pick you up anyway.
You don't deserve a crash and burn. Neither do the people who love you.
There are other ways to get out of this, but you have to shake the apathy, and the fatalism, and the hypnotic draw of destruction and actively pull on the handbrake.
I hope you remember your birthday. Make it a new start, FT.
D
Reading this thread and other posts you've made to day make me sad.
They remind me of me - I had no confidence in myself...
I wanted so much to be rescued, to have someone sort me out, to *make me better*...that I was willing to crash and burn to make that happen.
The trouble is, not everyone walks away for a crash and burn.
And even when you do, people may not pick you up anyway.
You don't deserve a crash and burn. Neither do the people who love you.
There are other ways to get out of this, but you have to shake the apathy, and the fatalism, and the hypnotic draw of destruction and actively pull on the handbrake.
I hope you remember your birthday. Make it a new start, FT.
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Happy Birthday FT.
Reading this thread and other posts you've made to day make me sad.
They remind me of me - I had no confidence in myself...
I wanted so much to be rescued, to have someone sort me out, to *make me better*...that I was willing to crash and burn to make that happen.
The trouble is, not everyone walks away for a crash and burn.
And even when you do, people may not pick you up anyway.
You don't deserve a crash and burn. Neither do the people who love you.
There are other ways to get out of this, but you have to shake the apathy, and the fatalism, and the hypnotic draw of destruction and actively pull on the handbrake.
I hope you remember your birthday. Make it a new start, FT.
D
Reading this thread and other posts you've made to day make me sad.
They remind me of me - I had no confidence in myself...
I wanted so much to be rescued, to have someone sort me out, to *make me better*...that I was willing to crash and burn to make that happen.
The trouble is, not everyone walks away for a crash and burn.
And even when you do, people may not pick you up anyway.
You don't deserve a crash and burn. Neither do the people who love you.
There are other ways to get out of this, but you have to shake the apathy, and the fatalism, and the hypnotic draw of destruction and actively pull on the handbrake.
I hope you remember your birthday. Make it a new start, FT.
D
Quite frankly, I am surprised you read my posts. I feel sad, very sad.
Poison Eater Extraordinaire
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Originally Posted by Dee74
There are other ways to get out of this, but you have to shake the apathy, and the fatalism, and the hypnotic draw of destruction and actively pull on the handbrake.
I hope you remember your birthday. Make it a new start, FT.
D
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: US
Posts: 556
My overwhelming impression of your post before I even read anything later is that you need to treat and deal with the depression. I was not surprised to read your husband's comment that how you feel RIGHT NOW is inconsistent with how you express yourself 90% of the time. I think getting to an addiction specialist would be excellent, but I would also even suggest getting yourself to a family doctor and seeing if an anti-depressant is advised for short term use. (on edit: didn't read page 2 or 3 - see you are already on one - agree that trying a different one is a good idea.)
I can feel the pain emanating off that post and I'm sorry you are here. I also have three kids but they are older. I know exactly the hopeless, despairing trapped place you are in. Depression knocks your feet out from under you and takes away all ability to cope in what is legitimately a very difficult, challenging time already. Alcohol: fuel to depression's fire. No, make that napalm to the fire.
You are doing the right thing trying to get help - good for you. When you are in the place, it is a herculean effort to ask for help. Take each next step in faith that there is something better ahead, because there is.
Best to you.
I can feel the pain emanating off that post and I'm sorry you are here. I also have three kids but they are older. I know exactly the hopeless, despairing trapped place you are in. Depression knocks your feet out from under you and takes away all ability to cope in what is legitimately a very difficult, challenging time already. Alcohol: fuel to depression's fire. No, make that napalm to the fire.
You are doing the right thing trying to get help - good for you. When you are in the place, it is a herculean effort to ask for help. Take each next step in faith that there is something better ahead, because there is.
Best to you.
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