Maturity
 

I have been reading online and there is one theory that our drinking and drugging behaviour is reflected by our lack of maturity, our inability to cope with life on its terms and the desire to escape from our problems by drinking and drugging to the point of addiction is a immature thing to do.

I would love to hear your personal thoughts on this.

I think the issue of addiction is too complex to reduce down to, "A problem with maturity," or "lack of self esteem," or any other nutshell diagnosis. I think it's fine that there are theories about my substance abuse behaviors, but none of them helped me overcome my addiction.

I am posting from the other side of the fence, my husband is the alcoholic. I think in the past I have looked at it that way because his behavior has left me to take care of him and our entire household. Yes, that was my enabling him, which is my own issue that made it even worse. Now, I am tired of being a mother to him, I wanted a husband. I did not realize he wanted a mother. I see maturity as being wise, telling the truth, taking care of your obligations and children. I don't see that in my husband's alcoholic behavior.

I think the clincher for me is feeling like I cannot entrust my children to ride in a car with my husband. My 8 and 14 year olds have been traumatized by his behaviors of the past. How is that showing responsibility and maturity?

Now, this is just my family. I know there are many alcoholics that do take care of their household tasks, etc. This is just my view on it for my own personal situation. One of the things I am actively working on is trying to have more empathy for substance abusers and the reasons it happens.

I truly mean no disrespect as I am trying to understand both sides of things. I see as an entire nation/world substance abuse and alcoholism are out of control. I wish I knew the answer but I don't.

God Bless.

I'm not sure I believe that. But I'll be going to a psychiatrist next month. I'll let you know. In the meantime, I won't drink today.

Raider, I think you are awesome!

Was introduced to the concept of King Baby years ago while in treatment...now apparently, times having moved on, it's referred to a king or queen baby

King (or Queen) Baby | Psychology Today

There is a Hazelden version (had my own personal copy - speaks volumes ;-) but couldn't find that

King baby is one possible take on an inability to take responsibility, lean on others, which could, roughly translated, be seen as a lack of maturity...

Hated it at that time, but reading now some 22 years on (where did all that time go?!!) it rings pretty accurate for me at least.

Interesting question, thanks for posting

I started drugs before I was an adult. Added drinking later.
It's clear for me to look back and see my emotional development stopped at the same time.

But at the same time I had the *capacity* for further growth - I just had to remove the retardants from my life first :)

D

I always thought it was the other way around... That our addiction stunts maturity. I could be way off but I know that I've heard that from other folks in recovery and I felt it as well.