Morning Gloom with my coffee
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 46
Morning Gloom with my coffee
I dont know why but just about every morning I wake up and have my morning cigarette and coffee and find myself instantly worrying about the past, present and future and I just cant seem to shake it until I find something to keep my brain occupied.
Smoking makes me feel this way somewhat, but I am scared to try and quit whilst earning my first full year of sobriety again (one thing at a time right?)
It just seems that life is always stress, I was raised in a very poor family with an alcoholic father and today I am an alcoholic and still poor.
I am just venting here so sorry for the "poor me's" but does anyone else just stop and get thoughts of stuff like "wow, my whole life has been a big mess no matter what I do???"
Smoking makes me feel this way somewhat, but I am scared to try and quit whilst earning my first full year of sobriety again (one thing at a time right?)
It just seems that life is always stress, I was raised in a very poor family with an alcoholic father and today I am an alcoholic and still poor.
I am just venting here so sorry for the "poor me's" but does anyone else just stop and get thoughts of stuff like "wow, my whole life has been a big mess no matter what I do???"
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
Oh indeedee!! Really identify with you
What I take into account is my default setting - which tends to be set to low, medium or high Eyeore. Noticing my thoughts, gets to be almost like watching a reel of film - here's the bit where I replay this scenario from 25 years ago, or that one from last week. It's not that the things experienced didn't impact - they did of course, and need to be dealt with constructively (through the steps or counselling). But what that constant replay does is mean focus and energy is lost on what I can do now, and I am not in my day.
The material facts you mention about having grown up in poverty, and continuing to be in that position are bound to impact you, particularly when you feel little has yet changed. But the absolute guarantee (and it is, really it is) is that hard work, or commitment to yourself, of making a better life for you and your loved ones, can and does change that, and pay off.
I went from someone who at one point in her drinking had no cooker, carpets and very little furniture, with at one point a bug infestation, to someone who now has a lovely place to live, no bugs, and access to well-paid employment. So, yes, my whole life was a big mess, but it really, really mattered what I did next, so that I could make better those parts that were in my gift to make better.
Life is messy, by its very nature, that's not going to change. It helps me not to take my thoughts too seriously or invest in them too much, and be aware of what my default setting are, so I can see those thoughts for what they are.
And even with those thoughts, once I've clocked them, can go back to loving the coffee and the fag, and have some quiet(er) head space to enjoy them in :-)
Wish you well, thanks for posting.
What I take into account is my default setting - which tends to be set to low, medium or high Eyeore. Noticing my thoughts, gets to be almost like watching a reel of film - here's the bit where I replay this scenario from 25 years ago, or that one from last week. It's not that the things experienced didn't impact - they did of course, and need to be dealt with constructively (through the steps or counselling). But what that constant replay does is mean focus and energy is lost on what I can do now, and I am not in my day.
The material facts you mention about having grown up in poverty, and continuing to be in that position are bound to impact you, particularly when you feel little has yet changed. But the absolute guarantee (and it is, really it is) is that hard work, or commitment to yourself, of making a better life for you and your loved ones, can and does change that, and pay off.
I went from someone who at one point in her drinking had no cooker, carpets and very little furniture, with at one point a bug infestation, to someone who now has a lovely place to live, no bugs, and access to well-paid employment. So, yes, my whole life was a big mess, but it really, really mattered what I did next, so that I could make better those parts that were in my gift to make better.
Life is messy, by its very nature, that's not going to change. It helps me not to take my thoughts too seriously or invest in them too much, and be aware of what my default setting are, so I can see those thoughts for what they are.
And even with those thoughts, once I've clocked them, can go back to loving the coffee and the fag, and have some quiet(er) head space to enjoy them in :-)
Wish you well, thanks for posting.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Our memories often affect our moods and vice versa. When things are going well and we're feeling good about ourselves, we tend to focus on happy memories. Unhappy memories do present themselves, but we typically don't indulge them as often or for as a long a time as we do when we're not feeling well. Nor do these memories present with as much intensity as they do when we're down. It's part of how we're hard-wired.
When things aren't going well, it's a short distance to choosing despair, which is no decision at all, and we feel at times flooded by our past failures and regrets. This is the psychological underpinning of the Fourth and Fifth Steps in the AA Big Book, and also applies to Steps Eight and Nine, which allow us to move forward in our lives without being burdened by past insults.
It's also been demonstrated in the research literature that, with practice, we can change our disposition by focusing on good memories, or by attending to things about which we are currently happy or grateful. That, and looking forward to achieving selected goals that we're willing to work on.
When things aren't going well, it's a short distance to choosing despair, which is no decision at all, and we feel at times flooded by our past failures and regrets. This is the psychological underpinning of the Fourth and Fifth Steps in the AA Big Book, and also applies to Steps Eight and Nine, which allow us to move forward in our lives without being burdened by past insults.
It's also been demonstrated in the research literature that, with practice, we can change our disposition by focusing on good memories, or by attending to things about which we are currently happy or grateful. That, and looking forward to achieving selected goals that we're willing to work on.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by Galactus 
"wow, my whole life has been a big mess no matter what I do???"
The phrase “No matter what I do” can easily turn from a statement about how things seem to be right now, into a prediction of how things will be in the future. Things change. That, I can count on.
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