HereIAm321

So, I have two friends, a couple, Flopsie and Mopsie. Some background: Mopsie "used" to drink heavily, but now hasn't drank often for the past 10 years or so. Supposedly Flopsie almost ended their long relationship, however, due to Mopsie's behavior when Mopsie got really wasted a couple months ago (Flopsie doesn't drink at all and never has).

Well, Flopsie says he's now "okay" with Mopsie drinking a couple beers as long as it's not a regular thing (though when that event happened a few months ago, he had implied that if Mopsie ever drank again at all, the relationship would be over.) Mopsie has pulled the same stunt once since then, about 2 months ago, and has since only had a drink here or there. Flopsie claims that Mopsie has confessed to being an alcoholic.

So, both of these guys know me, my story, my BF (who has cirrhosis), etc. I'm by far closer to Flopsie, but Mopsie and I are cool, too.

So a couple weeks ago, Mopsie and I are talking via text, and he says "God I need a drink" and I responded "no you don't, go drink a soda " then "I've been sober over a year" then "wouldn't Flopsie be mad?" He responded "geez I just said I was thirsty, not that I need to call my sponsor or something" (He thinks AA is religious hokum, is a staunch atheist, and, I think? but am not sure, that he looks down on my BF and I for being so involved in it. But that could just be projection on my part). So I'm pretty certain that response was said with derision.

Sooo fast forward to a couple days ago, when Mopsie randomly out of nowhere sends me a picture via text of the margarita he's drinking. I asked Flopsie why Mopsie did that, and he said "To tease you, to p*** you off just to see if you would react." I said "it didn't **** me off, but I wonder if it pisses Mopsie off that i don't drink anymore..." (Let it be known that I never drank with Mopsie...we were never drinking buddies or anything like that). A couple hours later, I asked Mopsie why he did it and he said "Cuz I've fallen into that silly habit of taking pics of my food. I don't think I've ever had one (that type of margarita) before."

Both of these guys are kind of emotionally stunted, and Mopsie especially is not the type to ever apologize.

I don't feel as though it tempted me to drink, but it just made no sense. He knows I don't drink, he says he's an alcoholic even if he seems to deny it so knows he has a problem (even if it's fairly "under wraps")...he knows my BF's body has been ravaged by alcohol abuse...Why even bring it up?

I guess i just feel hurt. I can understand if it was just an innocent slip....but these guys really don't have many friends. They are just not too social. So I'm fairly sure he didn't just accidentally hit my name in his contact list and send the pic to me instead of a different name. It seems like neither of them really cared. :/ Flopsie usually would chide Mopsie for that kind of stuff, but I don't think he did in this case. I'm sure Flopsie is in denial as well.

Even though Mopsie doesn't drink often anymore, I do think me not drinking pisses him off because I did absolutely nothing wrong or mean to provoke that picture. He must subconsciously know he has a problem.

In a way, it's not a big deal, because it was just a picture and I feel strong in my sobriety. But in another way, it just feels like a slap in the face...? Coming from a supposed friend, ya know? And my BF's obvious health problems due to alcoholism.

My BF said something I found telling, "Even at my worst, I would never taunt someone who had a problem."

Anyone have any thoughts? Should I just put some space in between Mopsie and Flopsie & I for a while? I understand that maybe talking in person about it would be the necessary step. However, after all I've disclosed to Flopsie (and I know he shared much of it with Mopsie), I don't feel like I should have to do that. It seems pretty self-evident to me:

What he did was wrong, whether he's emotionally stunted or not.

Right?

Tamerua

Sometimes friendships run their course. I wouldn't want to hang around with emotionally stunted people who talk about my recovery with derision.

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a couple of "friends" you could probably do just fine without. Judging by your tenor in writing about them you don't think much of them anyway. Move on.

FeelingGreat

From what you say, it's going to be a rough ride for your friends. Mopsie is off the wagon, and Flopsie is in denial. Probably best to keep your distance as this plays out.
Really impressed about your strength in sobriety.

Notimetoloose

I have never understood it. I don't get it. the same thing happened to me when I gave up smoking cold turkey. "Watch me light up the cigarette, hmm I love my Ciggy" yada, yada, yada...blowing smoke in my direction.

I don't think it is necessarily a mean thing on their part more a dumb, immature, thoughtless sort of thing.

Several weeks back at a smart meeting this woman had said how she had thrown out 75% of a large bottle of Bourbon, I am like cheering, yay go you..that's the way...that is so great"....and there are these others saying things like "you are going to regret that", "how dumb are you for throwing out the booze"....it makes me wonder their is nothing as strange as folk.

HereIAm321

I think a big part of my confusion is that, I've been friends with Flopsie since high school…

In truth, he was a very close teacher of mine. And we've been in touch off and on the last 10 or 15 years.

I tell him nearly everything, not only about my alcoholism but about my whole life. I feel very close to him. He has finally let me into his very introverted world -- his home, his partner, his personal secrets.

And now this happens.....

I would feel remiss to throw all of that friendship away. And it was Mopsie who did it, not him (Flopsie).

And yet.....

Gottalife

It's the disease at work. You are sober, he's not. He feels bad about that. He doesn't like the obvious solution of sobering up himself, that threatens his ego and the disease. The easiest way to make himself feel good would be to pull you back down to his level. If you were drinking he would have no reason to feel bad about his drinking.

I struck the same thing. My peer group were very uncomfortable when I sobered up. While I was a drunk they could always comfort themselves with the thought that they were not as bad as me. But when I got sober, where did that leave them?

These don't sound like true friends to me.

HereIAm321

It's as though a mentor (Flopsie) has betrayed me, by letting his partner (Mopsie) do such a thing....
And that is why I posted this, because I'm having a hard time really believing that Flopsie would do that to me, or not seem to care that it happened to me. I shouldn't have to explain why it was wrong, to him or to anyone else!

All of my struggles, all of my quits and relapses,… He was there for them all, via email. He commended me so much for quitting. He allowed me to vent. I gave him pages and pages of advice via email when Mopsie had that big incident a few months ago. (Of course, now he just excuses it, and says "oh it's only happened a few times in the last 10 years, maybe only once a year.")

But then he doesn't seem to care that his partner does this? Maybe he does care, but just thinks that it's something between Mopsie and I to talk through?

I don't know… I know I'm overthinking this. It just really hurts. I'm having a hard time believing that Flopsie, MY FLOPSIE!, is being complicit in this. :'(