matt4x4

Yes, real life, off the computer is good to have.
Perhaps you might want to go to a few meetings, you can make some really good, close friends there.

Thepatman

Might as well be man enough to say it.

I feel so stuck in my addiction that I wish I died. Now.
I have a son to raise, single dad, decent job at gov, but I have 0 leave days left.

Scared of detoxing alone, can't go to rehab because I am barely paying my house and bills. ER is my only option it seems.

What does a good Alcoholic do when stressed? Drink and make things worst. Check.

caboblanco

you don't have a doctor that will detox you on meds?

ScottFromWI

You have a lot of options Pat. Calling your doctor, going to the ER, going to AA, praying, leaning on SR, etc. Of all the choices you have, the only one that will make things worse is drinking. So your next move is to get rid of whatever you have. Can you do that? Things can start getting better right now, this minute if you want them too.

KateL

Don't leave Pat. You've done it before and can do it again. I was stuck in the same rut as you for years and wanted to die also. Don't give up, you and your son are worth more than this bloody curse we have. Fight the bugger and go to the docs for help. xxxxxxxxx

jaynie04

Pat….I am really surprised. You are unbelievable about being here and being supportive to others. Over and over I have appreciated the kind and uplifting sentiments you express and the virtual hand you extend to newcomers. I think sometimes when we have been around awhile we forget that we may need support and help ourselves. Please don't be afraid to ask for the help that you have so freely given to the rest of us.

I really hope you stay….you seem to be at a crossroads and I think a lot of us understand each other because we have been there. You can do this, it is NOT easy, but it is doable. You sound like a great dad, your son is lucky to have you.

aasharon90

If anything....hate the addiction, the drug,
the demon that has it's claws in you and
so many others. Does it care that it destroys
people, good people, parents, students,
friends, family....

It doesn't give a dam what happens to
those that it uses for it's own needs and
desire. If one get's healthy and has a
strong defense to stand up to it, it will
just move on to another soul and try to
win them over and destroy it.

Don't let this demon take you away
from the little one, ur child, that needs
you. Needs someone to teach him or her
about the demons that lurk in the world
today.

When I ented recovery 23 yrs ago after
I wanted to die too....I armed myself
with help, knowledge, tools of recovery
armore to wear daily to fight off that
disgusting demon trying to win me over
and over again.

I had 2 little ones at that time, and with
my recovery program in place, I was able
to talk to them, share with them about the
dangers of drugs and alcohol lurking around
every corner. I had pictures to show them
of my horrific car accident I had landing me
in the hospital for 10 days.

Then that very day they couldn't wake
me up because I took a hand full of pills
the night before and wasn't up and ready
to take them to their last day of vacation
bible school.

How devastating it was for them to miss
a fun fill day playing in the water and with
all their little friends, all because of my
sickness. Because of my selfishness of
wanting to end my miserable sad life as
a wife and mother.

Yes, money was a problem, but family
saw that I wanted to stay in rehab longer
than I was suppose to and wanting to do
whatever I needed to do to get healthy
and back to my babies and little family.

There's no amount of money or material
things or anything that could or would
replace my life if I die from my addiction.

I chose to live. I chose recovery. I
chose to fight each day to be there
for my family.

Thank God. Thanks to my recovery program.
Thanks to my family for getting me help I
so desperately needed at that time in my life.
Thanks to SR for being here for me. To all
those that have led the way for me on my
recovery journey and for all those I walk
side by side with. ETC.

I wouldn't care if I am in debt if only I
had my life back, healthy, happy and strong.
I can always pay back down the road, but
not so if im gone.

Brian316

Patman, I remember you from the class of Nov 2012 I believe? Yeah one of my MANY attempts at quitting. The one where I discovered I was truly powerless over alcohol. That knowledge alone didn't stop me from going back out. I had to get in a wreck with a semi and nearly die. That didn't stop me either. It wasn't until I found the gift of desperation, got a sponsor and actually started working the AA program I have been able to stay sober longer than I ever have since my teens.
For me getting a sponsor made a huge difference. Many times if I didn't have a phone to pick up and call him I would have picked up something else. But I'm not special, nor am I "high and mighty" or whatever. I am only 1 drink away from being back in an ER bed, a jail cell or a morgue. I would say go to the ER if you need to, find a recovery program and look into a sponsor or counseler you can talk to. And don't leave SR! Yes we are virtual but we are all here to share our experiences and help each other through the horrible disease of addiction. You can feel free to hit me up anytime.

aussieblue

Come here and talk it out , I know that stuck to addiction feeling but even though I was drinking I kept coming here daily with the hope of getting off the drink , talking about it with others who have been there helped me I am only on day 17 but its 17 days my body has had a break. I don't know if I will be able to keep going but for me its one day at a time for now . I hope you keep coming and talking. Best wishes to you.

Hevyn

I agree Pat - you should stay and talk about it with people who care and understand. We know what you're going through. I had an awful time staying off it, but now I have over 6 yrs. It once ran my life, but I've left it behind for good - and you will too. We know you can.

Thepatman

Thanks everyone. I don't know what to say. You all took the time to write, think I have this wrong.

Dee, keep my account open please. Looks like I need to learn how to accept help.

Merci everyone, bless you all. I want to live, dig myself out of this dark place.

freshstart57

Pat, I will talk with you if you like, even if all you want is a listener. Send me a pm and we can set that up.

PurpleKnight

Music to my ears Pat!! . . . you know your not alone in this!!

deeker

See and that is how this works. Thank SR

ScottFromWI

Very glad to hear this Pat, I left here once and it was a poor decision for me too, I"m glad that you've decided to stay. Learning to accept help and to accept our fate as alcoholics is probably the hardest part in my view, so don't worry if it doesn't happen overnight. But do know that it's entirely possible, and many ( me included ) have done it using SR as my main source of recovery help.

JackieC

I so admire this post of yours. Good for you. I also have a HORRIBLE time asking for help (I'm always sure it will make the person run for the hills) so I empathize with you.

So glad you are sticking around.

Dee74

I'm really glad you're sticking around patman

D

aussieblue

Glad you decided to stay Thepatman.

KateL

Hello again Pat. Feel free to message me any time also xxxxxx

Cathryn2001

I'm so happy that you decided to stay!