kinzoku

And I feel ashamed, embarassed, all sorts of things. Like I'm an attention ***** or a fraud for coming on here to say this again.

I don't really know what the days will hold ahead. I just now that I really want to be sober tonight. I woke up this morning to chug last nights wine and kept going till midday when I broke down, my body and mind feeling like crap, and I sat there and talked myself out of it. I've sobered up and I'm sitting here feeling totally drained, not sad or afraid, just out of it and alone.

I had a few days under my belt, a lot of support from you folks, and was hanging out in the chatroom with some wonderful people who helped me when my cravings got intense. Then one night I went out to celebrate my friend leaving town, one thing and another, and I don't know where the last two weeks (I think it was two weeks, I dont know) have gone. I've been drunk every single night, most of every single day.

Its just a blur, and ive started to drink throughout the day and now I know there is no stopping it. I mean...when you wake up in the morning and your first thought is, thank god i still have beer in the fridge, and you crack one open and start it again....that means you've run out of appropriate lies to tell yourself your a casual drinker.

I just needed to admit somewhere that I failed. Thats all.

Thanks for listening.

Nonsensical

I used to crack open beers in the morning, and I stopped it.

You are here and posting. That means part of your brain knows there is a better way and is searching for it. Let's find it.

Change is possible. Hope is reasonable. You can do this.

KateL

I would often drinks for days and nights in a row non-stop, so I know exactly how you feel. and if anyone thinks we enjoy that hell they are much mistaken. Try to stop now because you really want to by the sound of it and you are not a fraud. See your doctor to help with the withdrawal to be on the safe side. Good luck, I am right behind you xxxxxxx

Dee74

It's never too late to start again Kinzoku

D

least

Learn from this experience and move forward again. I hope this is your last day one.

TheEnd

You just had a setback, it happens. You only fail, if you stop trying.

IOAA2

Welcome back. I identify so much and for that reason I found it important to "remember when" so that I wasn't enticed by my addictive mind to try it again. Back then I needed face to face meetings every day to see my path to sobriety. Sobriety comes first is the motto I heard daily, before job, family, or other BS we feed ourselves.

BE WELL

Raider

Good luck! You can do it. N

resolute50

Cheer up, and get back on that wagon.
It took me a couple times before I got a nice stretch of sober time going.
And now it's been over 7 months.

The only real failure is giving up.
You can do it!

doggonecarl

Maybe this isn't enough support to get you past a few days. Anything you can do to ramp up your recovery. Any changes you can make that will keep you out of tough, tempting situations?

matt4x4

Yeah its tough. AA works, I found when I first tried to get sober that I needed face to face people to talk to, so I went to AA meetings and it worked so much better then by my lonely self, online, chatting away, either sober or drunk. I needed real life human interaction, to be in the company of real humans, not a computer. I remember those days of drinking, feeling remorseful, giving up and not careing and repeating. Its an endless cycle. There is a slogan about insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. It is never going to change if you dont work some sort of program. AA has the highest success rate out there, it has helped millions of earthlings.

Gottalife

It's not failure, it's alcoholism. You sound like me, a hopeless alcoholic who has failed to do the impossible - stop drinking for good on the unaided will. For alcoholics of my type, that is an impossibility.

The solution for me was to swallow my pride, admit defeat, and throw myself into AA unconditionally, and try to get my life on some sort of spritual path - a matter about which I had no idea BTW.

It worked! Victory through defeat is one of those AA paradoxes.

2muchpain

I can relate to your story a lot. I was so happy to wake up the next day with beer/vodka left over from the night before. It felt like a Christmas present. Once I finished that off, and the shaking stopped, I knew I needed more, and knew the shakes would come back soon, so I dressed quick, and drove to the liquor store. It's a crazy way to live.
I don't think you failed. The path you are on might get a little rocky sometimes, but just remember to fight through those times, and stay on that path. Just don't give up. Hope your staying sober tonight.

Tetra

Me too. Most of us have been there.

You can do this and you are not alone x

Madness2813

I'm in the same boat my friend. At least you're trying.

Cow

For Cow, I finally had to suck it up and tell all family/friend that I has alcohol problem and they should no ever condone or engage with me if I drinking. That right there end all my public drinking. Because once they know, I not ever wish to put them in that position. Nor would they has ever 'let' me drink in front of them.

As for home drinking. That tough one. I live single and work mostly at home in creative fields, so drinking any time is total easy as long as I keeping it together enough to get work done. Is lot of hard questions to be ask: What you getting out of drinking? Is you really want to quit? REALLY?? If so, what is you prepared to do to quit?

Is not about fail or not fail. You cannot "fail" you life. You life is you life and is what it is. In hundred years, who care? Nobody gonna care if you was drunk or if you fail 1000 time or if you succeed or if you rich and famous or big fat loser. At end of day, you life up to you and what you choose. That still HUGE endeavor, especially for us wayward souls, but is not for anybody else to judge.

BuddinK

White it may be day 1 , it's not square 1 again, you've had some time in and are better prepared to develop a better plan and go at it again, You can do it!

Mountainmanbob

as long as we are still breathing
that is so true

Mountainman